Season 4 Finale: Journals, Joy & Holiday Boundaries with Life Coach, Jennifer Sisk

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happy holidays happy holidays you know we like never plan this I know, I just want to like yesterday.

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Y'all, it's okay.

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So it's our season four finale Episode 48.

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We have got 48 episodes.

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That's so exciting.

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We have like 52, but like we have 48 that you're allowed to hear and four that went in the dumpster.

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They're out there, congratulations.

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Thank you.

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That's also like literally a full anniversary, like four quarters of you listening.

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Well, how about that?

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I know it's like a little happy new year kind of.

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It is.

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That is amazing.

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Podcasts are hard and to have done 48 episodes is huge.

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I was on one for a while, so this is really good.

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I'm proud of both of you.

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It's exciting.

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Thank you, thank you.

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So we have Jennifer Sisk back.

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Yay.

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Welcome back.

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I feel like I know us.

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We're going to just steamroll right into it.

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So I feel like, real quick, we brought a friend.

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We promised you she would be back.

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She is.

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Yay, I'm excited to be back, thank you.

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And right here at the holiday season, where you know we need to make people laugh, so yeah, ourselves, we deserve it.

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And then you brought another friend, didn't you?

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Oh?

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listen, I, so I actually have a roommate.

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Um, I am cohabitating now with the moth from last week's podcast this I need you to look up black moss, because I feel like there's like some kind of weird.

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This thing is easily like with its wings down I'm gonna say a four inch wingspan.

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This I am not exaggerating.

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He's giant and he's attracted to my jungle wallpaper.

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This is what I get for leaving my door open.

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Yes, it's been freezing.

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Yes, the door is still open.

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I have a problem with my brain Actually can't keep the doors closed, but we are roommates now we live together.

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I prefer not to see him, but sometimes he shows up.

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But, I mean like, do you blame him?

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It's freaking freezing outside.

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I know it's just like.

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I just don't know if this was necessary, but in my Snow White-esque whatever you like sing and he like flies to your finger.

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No, can you imagine?

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That would be freaking awesome, but I feel like I already have some snow white tendencies.

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So I'm just like, yeah, absolutely.

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I feel like animals and like children love me and adults are like she's scary.

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Well, he's going to be with you or she is going to be with you.

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It says for about a month.

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So you know, don't get too attached, because you'll my biggest concern floor.

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soon I'm going to put the tree away and it's going to be like in the tree and I'm going to think that it's dead and it's going to be like, ah, like squirrel, but it'll be moth I mean, especially if it's the size of a bird.

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No, it is really like I wish the bald.

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There's a bald eagle that lives where I live and I'm just like, sir, if you could just come in here for three seconds, I have a beautiful hors d'oeuvre for you.

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Bring a bat in.

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I don't, I don't.

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The thing is, I don't want to kill it.

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I'm not like a big bug killer.

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Oh, I am yeah, I know, I am yeah, I know it's the crunch and this thing's so big.

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You know how moths are dusty on their wings.

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They look like dirt yeah.

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It's going to get dust, moth dust everywhere.

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It's true, they're messy.

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Yeah, they're really messy.

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I'm not into it.

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All right, Well, welcome Jennifer.

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Moths.

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Thank you, moths, and all you.

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We're happy to be here oh, so we have what like two weeks until christmas.

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Yes, is it?

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Well, by yes, yes, two weeks, yep oh my god, it will air on the 11th and then it's literally two weeks till Christmas.

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Yeah, yeah, you excited, oh sorry.

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You excited, I'm tired and I know we say this every week and this is totally not like a martyr victim situation.

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It's just you know it's a tiring month.

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It's a tiring month, it's a tiring quarter, Becca.

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And I say this because, like birthdays, our daughter's birthday starts off in October, and it's Thanksgiving and then Christmas.

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So Q4 is just like I don't know if I'm coming or if I'm going.

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That's just the nature of it.

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Every year, every year.

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I'll say this I got a little bit more swing in me lately.

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I don't mean swing in my step, I just mean sometimes I'm like, nah, I don't mean swinging my step, I just mean like sometimes I'm like I'm going to let it go.

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I don't feel that so much energy in December.

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I'm like if you're coming for me I'm swinging.

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I don't know what it is like lately.

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Do you feel this a little bit?

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I just like the docile October, beginning of November person that was like thankful, grateful, blessed is a little bit more like sir.

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I don't think so.

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Yeah, I'm definitely I'm stepping into my and again I'm going to attribute a lot of it to what we've learned on the podcast the past year with all these amazing guests and then like being surrounded by, like, I got a little bit more like swing on them.

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Yeah, I'm more like well, actually, no, that's not going to work for me, which is so hard for me as Enneagram too.

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Like I don't do that, I don't do boundaries, I don't say no.

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But now I'm like yeah, no, that's not really going to work for me and that actually did hurt my feelings, which is so out of character for me.

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So I'm kind of appreciating that I'm falling into my little more.

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I call it my verbal era.

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You're growing, jenny.

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You know, the closer you get to, the older we get, the less we tolerate, right.

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I'm just like.

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I don't like that?

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I don't like that.

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You may think I like it, but I don't.

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Yeah, you got to use your voice.

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You got to do it all the time.

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It'll make your life so much better, so much more peaceful.

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Just go ahead and say it.

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Rip the mandate off, say it.

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Great word, because you know what Peaceful is, how I'm feeling.

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I'm feeling pretty darn peaceful, yeah, yeah.

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Yeah, I think we talked about this right before which is all the expectations and all the things that we're required to do and all the keeping up with the Joneses and what's this doing and that doing and what's the influences.

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All the things make you feel like you have to do and decorate all the things.

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So how's that going for everybody?

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Well, so, I see yours in the background.

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This is one of many.

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This is their only.

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One is from my previous life.

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The pink one is very new and very on brand Michaels.

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It gives me vibes.

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I have a major tree over here.

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The village is out.

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It's very, very cozy in here.

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Somebody came in the other day Actually my mom was here, for she came into town and then we went to Florida and she was like it's very romantic in here and I was like all right, that's kind of my vibe right now.

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I mean I'm very much like romancing myself kind of my vibe right now.

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I mean I'm very much like romancing myself, but the effort is like so much.

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I will say this though I love like being all cozy.

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So I very much am a minimalist and like a bleach queen and all the things.

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So this is like my one indulgence of like really cozy.

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Like tighter spaces.

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Crafts are out more there.

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There's more snacky stuff, there's a hot cocoa bar, eminem's thing has been changed in the gumball machine.

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I let a lot of other things go that I wouldn't normally, but by December 27th it will be barren here.

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I will be back to my neurotic neuroses, indulgent other self.

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I love the end result.

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I hate the process of it.

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That's, that's what.

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I that's how I feel about Christmas like I would have paid somebody to come decorate my trees.

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I did try to pay her.

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I truly did like I hate doing it, but now that I have everything up, I'm like it's just so peaceful and like.

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I love the lights.

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I like.

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I think my overstimulations person is like please never turn on an overhead light, ever, ever, ever again.

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So this is like very this feels very good for me.

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But Like my husband came in yesterday from work and he was like I had a Christmas candle go in.

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I had things picked up trees on.

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He was like it's just so Christmassy in here and I'm like that's the best compliment ever.

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Thank you, that's something, ain't that something?

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Ain't that something?

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So I love the end result.

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I hate the process of it.

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I will say that.

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I like decorating.

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Usually I don't like of it.

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I will say that I like decorating usually.

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I don't like taking it all down because it's all the final part of Christmas and it's like the day after the Olympics for the athletes, which I wouldn't know that about.

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But it's not the day after the Olympics, also because I live for the Olympics, so when it's over I'm like oh man, it's just sad, yeah, so I like putting it out, I like doing the whole baking the cookies and all the things, and I've done it for years and my parents are very traditional and we've done all of that.

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And then but you know, I know, spoke of my age because it's relevant, but being 56 years old and in the space that I'm in right now, I'm like Jenny, I'm tired.

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I'm tired.

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I've done a lot.

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I've gotten my boy, my son, moved in in Mount Pleasant and we have been, let's see, just in the last nine days we were in six different beds, oh my gosh.

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And then we are.

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We donated our beds are separate from these other beds donated our beds in our bedroom and our spare bedrooms to get king beds, and so we donated those, and so then we put together the king beds ourselves.

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We were also the poor man's moving company with U-Haul.

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We did that with my son and we're tired, we're tired, so there will not be anything put up in the house.

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I'm going to put lights out front.

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I'm going to do a few things, but I think that's what we had talked about.

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Was you know?

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You talked about changing your mind and that you know what this isn't going to work for me this year, or I'm not going to take this this year.

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I'm not going to tolerate that anymore.

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I think we just this is a season of doing as little as possible and then next year pulling it all out again for me Well and I think that's something that we often do is that people do it for other people.

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Like when I put up my Christmas stuff, I genuinely do it for me and for, like, my daughter, like she loves it.

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I mean she counts down the days and the seconds until we can get a Christmas tree and get the light, so I don't mind doing it.

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Again, I prefer the end result versus the actual process of it, because you know how it is as a mom.

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It's like everybody's so excited about the tree and the stuff and then it's like you get everything out and then everybody's like, all right, bye, I'm gonna go do something else.

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And then you're just like, well, shit, now I gotta do it it's like exercise.

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It's like I don't want to do it, but I like the end result exactly, exactly so, but you so.

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But you know, I'm, as I'm, surrounded by beautiful lights and all the things, I'm glad I did it.

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Well, kids, kids, there's a whole different story.

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And you didn't, we didn't miss a day.

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I mean, I haven't missed a day in 55 years.

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This is the first time.

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And it's not nothing, it's just minimal, because that's what I'm feeling and it's okay to be that way sometimes.

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I agree.

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So this is an interesting like I'm in like the weirdly opposite situation.

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This is my first true Christmas divorce.

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You know, like I, we were in our house last year, our kids didn't know, our friends didn't know, the house was for sale and people didn't know.

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But every single year and this is not a job to this person that it was just so much narration and heavy size and a lack of helpfulness and like, oh, it just gets earlier and earlier and like it just was like the least supported, one of the least supported seasons for me.

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So I was like really up against the bear the whole time and even though it wasn't like he was like taking it down when I was putting it up, it was just constantly in my face this like really negative narrated energy about this season that I love.

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So like that's one of the reasons I replaced the tree.

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I was like I don't want, like I don't want any of that juju up in my space, but like putting it up without having it be like is this going to be all day?

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Oh, another trip to Hobby Lobby.

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Oh, you don't have enough lights.

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It looks good enough, like that kind of stuff.

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And I'm just like, oh my gosh, this is so much easier and more peaceful.

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And it got to the point where I was trying to do it when nobody was home because, like and I still ended up doing it by myself, really because it surprised the girls with it and it just is easier in some ways.

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But, like, I would like wait and the minute everyone went to work, you know you'd go to work.

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I would be like start this process and like I would have this constant looming timeline.

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I couldn't leave it half done, had to finish it, like it had to be amazing, like it.

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Just I'm like, oh my gosh, not dealing with that is like, so like there it can be everywhere.

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You know what I mean.

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It's your space and your energy now, so you don't have to have anybody.

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Always was my energy.

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I'm like I don't even know how you got this far, Like I, literally my mom had a business that was called Christmas spirit.

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Well, you're starting fresh with new and you get to make new memories, and none of that stuff needs to be attached to your old life, except when you decide that is I mean, like you came to my childhood house where christmas is everywhere have all the year.

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I mean there's a genuine 20 christmas everywhere all year in my mom's house what wow?

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like it's just who we are.

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It's like how we grew up, is I'm well, this is like very different not to have this.

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Like I almost still had some of it, but I had to convince myself.

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Like I've been leaving homework on all day.

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No one is like God.

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This is annoying.

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This isn't real.

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Like you know, I'm like actually there are people who like really, really love their spouse.

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Yeah, it's out there, right.

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It's like totally okay, Like it's actually allowed, You're allowed to be like deeply in love with somebody.

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It's complete, and they don't have to be perfect too.

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This is really cool.

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You won't believe this.

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Right, and you get to love Christmas and all the hot chocolate and all the fun things with it too, without it being such drudgery, exactly.

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Oh my God, asking to go and see the lights, I would like get anxiety about like asking to go to the Island to see the lights.

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I'm like that's like.

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My favorite thing to do is ride around and look at Christmas.

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That's the best tradition ever to take kids on.

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Oh my gosh, my boys loved it.

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It's like literally a whole park where you can go and get out and it's like so much fun it is there's Santa there and all the crafts Going circles for three hours.

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You don't have to get out of the line.

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You can keep going or you can just veer right eventually.

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It's amazing.

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Yeah, yeah.

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You're going to make amazing new memories and everything that's attached to the new stuff and the way you see it's going to feel so different forever.

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Now that's exciting.

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You just have a whole renewed sense of everything.

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Well, I think to some of our listeners are in the same stage as Rebecca, so I'm sure it can be a I don't want to use the word sad, but you know it can be a trying time of year as people go through that transition.

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Do you have any the?

00:16:27.844 --> 00:16:33.350
boundaries thing and I was like wait a minute, like how did I let this go as far as it did?

00:16:33.350 --> 00:16:35.924
And then like it could be any boundary.

00:16:35.924 --> 00:16:38.562
It could be your mom coming to your house, it could be.

00:16:38.562 --> 00:16:43.851
I mean this very much is this season where people feel the need to like touch the bear.

00:16:45.000 --> 00:16:47.809
Yes, why so, jennifer?

00:16:47.809 --> 00:16:49.222
What do we do with those people?

00:16:51.567 --> 00:16:53.991
First of all, does it even matter why?

00:16:53.991 --> 00:16:56.845
You know, like I have this is a conversation with my mom a lot.

00:16:56.845 --> 00:16:59.071
She like loves to understand where people are coming from.

00:16:59.071 --> 00:17:00.621
I have this too.

00:17:00.621 --> 00:17:12.582
But I have very much gotten to the point, especially with this person, where I'm like it doesn't matter, like it me spending time trying to understand the why doesn't do them or me any service.

00:17:12.582 --> 00:17:21.445
It just is so like we're in the is part right, where I'm just like that just is the way it is for that person.

00:17:21.445 --> 00:17:25.053
I don't need to spend any more energy understanding why.

00:17:25.053 --> 00:17:26.862
So I've gotten there.

00:17:27.483 --> 00:17:39.059
I don't know what, the Candyland version to jump three spots from that is, but like that's the way of saying meeting them where they are, Okay, you meet people where they are.

00:17:39.059 --> 00:17:53.468
So if you know somebody is triggering, you know they're going to poke and realize too that all of us, even the dysfunctional people, because we're so functional- I trigger people all the time.

00:17:53.799 --> 00:17:55.026
My handwriting triggers Jenny.

00:17:56.440 --> 00:18:07.944
We're all teetering, you know, because our energies and our vibrations are really high during this season, because there's so much expected from all of us, especially moms, to pull it all together and have everything done.

00:18:07.944 --> 00:18:20.664
So we're all, just, you know, all vibrating like, and so all it takes is another person that's, you know, doing the same thing to come and, you know, poke the bear and everything is.

00:18:20.664 --> 00:18:22.249
What's the word?

00:18:22.249 --> 00:18:25.213
Exaggerated or exacerbated during this season.

00:18:26.401 --> 00:18:33.288
Everything feels very like good, feels so good, but the bad is like really during Christmas.

00:18:34.009 --> 00:18:34.250
Right.

00:18:34.661 --> 00:18:35.913
Very exaggerated.

00:18:36.397 --> 00:18:51.060
Yeah, and as you get older, there's going to be more and more people in your life, because that's just how it works, and you have to meet them where they are, whether it's family members, neighbors, church people, any, any group of any kind.

00:18:51.060 --> 00:18:58.107
You have to meet them where they are because they're all teetering just like we are, and you know some, like you say, are having a really hard time.

00:18:58.107 --> 00:18:59.411
Some are really really happy.

00:18:59.411 --> 00:19:05.010
Some are, you know, just getting through it, like I am, with a positive feeling.

00:19:05.010 --> 00:19:07.682
But I am literally just getting through this season.

00:19:08.144 --> 00:19:12.541
Um, uh, I'm also not buying, um, a bunch of gifts this year, not getting things.

00:19:12.541 --> 00:19:24.586
So you're either getting a gift card it was, everybody needs money, we're all poor, so you need a gift card or, um, an experience, or they're getting money one way, something like that.

00:19:24.586 --> 00:19:26.539
So that's how that's going.

00:19:26.539 --> 00:19:33.203
So my in-laws and my, my parents are going to get like a Ben breakfast night somewhere, yeah, instead of things.

00:19:33.203 --> 00:19:34.965
I mean, my parents are 80 years old.

00:19:34.965 --> 00:19:36.967
What thing can I buy them?

00:19:36.967 --> 00:19:37.327
Right?

00:19:37.327 --> 00:19:40.660
Yeah, they're stressful, time together, time together.

00:19:40.660 --> 00:19:43.066
So my kids, my sons, need money.

00:19:43.066 --> 00:19:52.266
They're ones getting ready to have a baby, one just moved into a new home.

00:19:52.266 --> 00:19:52.606
They need money.

00:19:52.606 --> 00:19:52.928
Okay, easy done.

00:19:52.928 --> 00:19:56.400
You know, my husband and I've invested in one another in trying to get healthier and stronger and, you know, working with trainers.

00:19:56.400 --> 00:19:57.963
So that's, that's how we're doing it.

00:19:57.963 --> 00:20:04.885
Christmas can look different for all of us and depend on what state, what year it is and what stage of life and how old your kids are.

00:20:04.885 --> 00:20:07.470
And you know, and all of us are in different stages.

00:20:09.231 --> 00:20:12.741
Yeah, so I go back to the meat, where they are.

00:20:12.842 --> 00:20:16.147
I'm really big on like people bring energy right.

00:20:16.147 --> 00:20:17.590
We're vibration.

00:20:17.590 --> 00:20:21.222
So, like I am someone who is a bit of a sponge.

00:20:21.222 --> 00:20:32.155
So, like I tend to be very and I don't even want to use the word triggered, but very susceptible to absorbing other people's energy, like I am.

00:20:32.155 --> 00:20:43.911
You know, you meet them where they are, but how do you not let it affect your peace and your joy, specifically around this time of year when you have people in your house family coming for a few days?

00:20:43.911 --> 00:20:45.935
Like how do you not let it?

00:20:46.196 --> 00:20:51.231
be family, it could be ex-husbands, like we're all like, yeah, we're not letting it get to you.

00:20:51.580 --> 00:20:51.840
Yeah.

00:20:52.583 --> 00:20:58.804
Yeah, once you truly understand the behavior of people which is what I do for a living once you truly can wrap in.

00:20:58.804 --> 00:21:26.390
That's not an easy thing to do, but once you can truly wrap your head around why people act the way they do, then you can walk around with your bulletproof vest, Because people bring their experience, their life, their feelings, their beliefs, their thoughts all of it and they dump it on you in projection and other ways, and you have to recognize that that's their stuff.

00:21:26.390 --> 00:21:32.488
It's their stuff and they're bringing it on you and projecting onto you, but it has nothing to do with you.

00:21:32.488 --> 00:21:44.436
So you put on your imaginary bulletproof vest, your Kevlar vest, and you walk around and you have that visual of I'm just not going to let them bother me because it's theirs, it's not mine.

00:21:44.436 --> 00:21:49.221
You do not have to take it, you don't have to carry it, you don't have to walk around with it, you don't have to absorb it.

00:21:49.782 --> 00:21:54.152
But if you're an empath or a very empathetic person, then you can.

00:21:54.152 --> 00:22:02.250
You tend to do that, and it's also how you were raised, and how you were raised is dependent upon how you receive people as well.

00:22:02.250 --> 00:22:12.132
And then, as you get older, you'll start to change and realize you have choices and that you don't have to be that same person all the time, which is what you're talking about earlier and doing.

00:22:12.132 --> 00:22:14.106
You're like, yeah, not going to do that this year.

00:22:14.106 --> 00:22:29.734
With you Not going to take that, you will get to a point where you'll start creating boundaries, but you have to have a bulletproof, an invisible, bulletproof vest, because people are going to come and try to steal your joy or aggravate you, but it's them bringing their own crap into it.

00:22:29.734 --> 00:22:36.053
They're just projecting onto you and if you can truly understand that, then you're in.

00:22:36.400 --> 00:22:38.104
You're untouchable with other people.

00:22:38.104 --> 00:22:40.790
You know, I don't get offended or bothered.

00:22:40.790 --> 00:22:41.653
I can be hurt.

00:22:41.653 --> 00:22:45.361
If you're very close to me, you can hurt me and then I'll tend to get mad.

00:22:45.361 --> 00:22:46.763
That's my defense mechanism.

00:22:46.763 --> 00:22:51.876
I'm human, but, um, you know, I don't know.

00:22:51.876 --> 00:22:53.260
God, where was I just saying?

00:22:53.260 --> 00:22:56.189
I just lost my train of thought that you don't get offended, damn it.

00:22:56.971 --> 00:22:57.880
That you don't get offended.

00:22:57.900 --> 00:22:58.800
Yeah, but it's something for that.

00:23:00.083 --> 00:23:02.644
You get mad, you can get hurt.

00:23:03.865 --> 00:23:14.497
Yeah, I think I've worked so much on myself and so much therapy that you really can't offend me or bother me, really, because I'm just going to giggle inside and know that you've got a problem.

00:23:14.497 --> 00:23:26.355
Not that I'm perfect, but you can tell people that are bringing things to you that are that that is literally theirs and you know what you're accountable for.

00:23:26.355 --> 00:23:34.617
You know that, we know that in our heart and soul, but people, when they bring stuff and they put it on, you just give it back to them.

00:23:35.484 --> 00:23:35.766
So do you.

00:23:35.766 --> 00:23:43.153
I like to come like with a few phrases that I have just like not perfected, but I don't know if you have like good phrases we can use.

00:23:43.153 --> 00:23:49.605
Like there are times where I learned to just say things like you know what, like you know how.

00:23:49.605 --> 00:24:11.673
One thing I've noticed is that people who know that they're triggering you get really demanding about getting answers, and so I like to hit pause on that game because I'm like if you're pressuring me to give you a really quick answer, it's probably because you want me not to think about what you said, or you are trying to push me into a mental frame that I'm not comfortable with quickly.

00:24:11.673 --> 00:24:14.185
So now I'm just like you know what.

00:24:14.185 --> 00:24:31.819
I need a few minutes to think about what you meant when you asked that question, or like what was your expectation for how I answered that, and like re-ask, because I'm just like if you, especially when people say something very rude, kind of on purpose, and look for that reaction, I'm like I'm going to take a minute to think about that.

00:24:34.509 --> 00:24:36.476
Yeah, a lot of people are seeking validation.

00:24:36.476 --> 00:24:42.337
When they're pushing something on you or trying to get a reaction out of you, it's because they're looking for validation for whatever their truth is, they believe.

00:24:42.337 --> 00:24:50.372
So when they're coming at you and going, well, what do you think of this, or what are you doing, or why this, they're seeking something that's going to validate their belief system.

00:24:50.372 --> 00:24:57.218
So if you can understand that, then you can just say to them, just answer with oh, I understand what you're saying.

00:24:57.218 --> 00:24:59.880
I see, I understand, okay.

00:25:00.780 --> 00:25:01.280
Okay.

00:25:01.520 --> 00:25:01.862
Okay.

00:25:02.082 --> 00:25:04.125
All right, Without saying that you agree.

00:25:04.125 --> 00:25:08.869
So you're really just saying like I just understand, I see, I see what you're saying.

00:25:08.950 --> 00:25:09.671
I understand.

00:25:09.671 --> 00:25:15.394
Sure, yeah, you don't have to respond.

00:25:15.394 --> 00:25:19.178
You don't have to tell them what you believe or what you think or any of that, unless you want to.

00:25:19.178 --> 00:25:26.548
But when you know somebody is deliberately just coming at you to get a response, you know you don't have to it response.

00:25:26.588 --> 00:25:39.032
If you're not going to listen, like I'm just like I'm not going to try to convince you of something that you refuse to believe, if you tell me at the beginning of the conversation that you already refuse to believe it and how, whatever behavior or manner that I'm like okay.

00:25:39.674 --> 00:25:46.992
And if they're trying to hurt you or if they're saying something that's really really rude, you give it back to them, just like I was saying before.

00:25:46.992 --> 00:25:54.913
So if they say something that's really rude and offensive, you can say, oh my goodness, and you don't have to be upset or cry or any of that, or get hurt or mad.

00:25:54.913 --> 00:25:57.707
You can go oh my goodness, did you mean to hurt me with that?

00:25:58.428 --> 00:26:00.028
Yeah, that's a great one Did you mean to hurt me with that?

00:26:00.088 --> 00:26:00.990
Oh, I know you didn't.

00:26:00.990 --> 00:26:03.372
Oh my gosh, do you know that that hurt?

00:26:03.372 --> 00:26:05.273
Oh my goodness, did you mean to do that?

00:26:05.273 --> 00:26:10.439
Yeah, you know, and that's in a, that's in a perfect situation.

00:26:10.439 --> 00:26:11.680
We don't always react that way.

00:26:11.720 --> 00:26:21.009
I haven't always reacted that way but if you know the person is capable of this, be ready.

00:26:21.009 --> 00:26:25.085
Well, that's the thing I like to pre-think of, like when I'm walking into a situation where I'm like you know, I saw this thing the other day.

00:26:25.085 --> 00:26:35.636
That was like, if you spend a lot of time like mentally arguing with your spouse or mentally arguing with your you know mother-in-law or whoever it is, sometimes you build the argument up to be bigger or longer than it really was.

00:26:35.636 --> 00:26:38.351
But, like, I also do like to be prepared.

00:26:38.351 --> 00:26:44.290
I don't like to come into something so like if we end up enjoying the whole time, whatever, it is great.

00:26:44.290 --> 00:26:57.113
But if I know that you have a habit of triggering me, I like to have a few ways that I'm already prepared to respond so that I don't feel like I just got my feet swept out from under me because I don't like that feeling.

00:26:57.775 --> 00:27:00.266
And we're responsible for those triggers too.

00:27:00.266 --> 00:27:06.220
So if the person's triggering you, kind of look inside of why it is with you.

00:27:06.220 --> 00:27:07.784
Why is that triggering me?

00:27:07.784 --> 00:27:09.548
Why is there something attached to that?

00:27:09.548 --> 00:27:10.590
Is this a habit?

00:27:10.590 --> 00:27:12.275
Is there something insecure within me?

00:27:12.275 --> 00:27:16.953
So when you're triggered by something, look within yourself to see what it is.

00:27:16.953 --> 00:27:20.909
If you can't figure it out, then all you can do is just nod and go.

00:27:20.909 --> 00:27:25.318
I understand, or you can walk away, or whatever it is you need to do.

00:27:25.318 --> 00:27:29.192
But people that are deliberately aggravating you don't deserve your time or energy anyway.

00:27:29.192 --> 00:27:33.607
Yeah, they don't, and that's I'm being nice when I'm saying this way.

00:27:33.607 --> 00:27:33.969
It's not.

00:27:33.969 --> 00:27:44.635
Sometimes I just walk away, I just look at them and go yeah, well, family I'm up front with family.

00:27:44.736 --> 00:27:45.477
I just say it.

00:27:45.477 --> 00:27:48.121
I'm like we're right here in front of our kids.

00:27:48.121 --> 00:27:50.470
Let's not do this thing.

00:27:52.674 --> 00:27:53.857
Yeah, family's difficult.

00:27:53.857 --> 00:28:02.250
And it's hard because it's supposed to be a happy, fun holiday and then they come in and throw a wrench in it, or people can come in.

00:28:02.904 --> 00:28:08.906
And truly we're opening the door because we actually see these things all the time, even online, Like we're not.

00:28:08.906 --> 00:28:12.557
It's not just about my ex-husband or just about family.

00:28:12.557 --> 00:28:25.471
This is like something that all of us like almost universally, I think, face in some capacity, especially during the holiday season, especially coming out of even things like the most recent election.

00:28:25.471 --> 00:28:33.497
Going into the new year, we had somebody reach out to us about a dietary comment somebody made about one of their children.

00:28:33.497 --> 00:28:54.996
We're all in these weird contexts, right, Like big meals, big gift giving, whatever it is that naturally just sort of puts you in a place where you're talking about money or weight or relationships or fairness, whatever that looks like, and it automatically makes people take sides in some ways.

00:28:54.996 --> 00:28:55.698
It's tough.

00:28:55.698 --> 00:28:57.449
We know this is universal.

00:28:57.849 --> 00:28:58.531
Yeah, I mean.

00:28:58.531 --> 00:29:04.587
Well, every single one of us brings our own experience and what we've been through to the table.

00:29:04.587 --> 00:29:10.579
You, you can equate it to people that have just met or just dating.

00:29:10.579 --> 00:29:19.255
There's so much there that they are not thinking about when they meet as to why they may get along or not get along.

00:29:19.255 --> 00:29:27.913
You have to understand that everything you're bringing to that date is only what you know and what you've been through, and only what he or she knows and what they've been through.

00:29:27.913 --> 00:29:37.021
And these young people, and even older people too, that are getting back into that scene have to be patient with one another, because you only know what you know.

00:29:37.021 --> 00:29:39.808
You only have experienced what you experienced.

00:29:40.028 --> 00:29:46.536
So and I can even give my son and his wife an example His life was totally different.

00:29:46.536 --> 00:29:51.534
His upbringing was totally different than hers not right or wrong or any of that, just totally different.

00:29:51.534 --> 00:29:57.535
And when they came together, it caused, you know, just major issues at the beginning.

00:29:57.535 --> 00:30:07.151
But once they started to unwrap and remove the layers, they realized that the very things that they believe in, the very important core things, they both agreed on.

00:30:07.151 --> 00:30:20.871
But it's, you know, every time you meet somebody, or even family members, we're all different and we're all bringing something different to the table and everybody thinks they're right or that their way was the right way and the true way.

00:30:20.871 --> 00:30:23.678
And that's not always the case, it's just different.

00:30:24.525 --> 00:30:30.837
Yeah, I have a weird question and I don't know if I'm going to articulate it well, but I keep thinking about this.

00:30:30.837 --> 00:30:53.846
I've been thinking about it for a while in my like mental frame because, of course, we're always like, okay, you need to protect your energy and you're not responsible for this other person's feelings Right, feelings right.

00:30:53.846 --> 00:31:02.434
But then also in my next serious relationship, I do really want somebody who I'm not saying is responsible for my feelings, but cares a lot about how they impact them, and sometimes those two thoughts feel in conflict.

00:31:02.434 --> 00:31:03.137
Do you know what I mean?

00:31:03.137 --> 00:31:11.826
Because we're saying like you're not responsible for their feelings, you don't need to carry that, but I do actually kind of want somebody to carry that for me a little bit.

00:31:11.826 --> 00:31:12.989
Is that inappropriate?

00:31:14.353 --> 00:31:24.196
No, but the issue is your feelings are your feelings, but if they are causing you to feel a certain way, that is when there's the.

00:31:24.196 --> 00:31:32.874
That's where the line where right, right, just because you walk into something feeling a certain way, he's not responsible for that, which I totally get.

00:31:32.874 --> 00:31:46.557
But if he says some stupid shit to you or says something dumb, um, or and and doesn't understand where you've been or your experience go around triggering people and just be like that's your responsibility.

00:31:47.145 --> 00:31:47.406
Right.

00:31:47.406 --> 00:31:55.512
I mean, if you care about somebody, then you're going to um, you know you're going to have to listen, so but you also have to articulate it.

00:31:55.553 --> 00:32:03.450
So I am very, extremely sensitive to yelling like, extremely sensitive.

00:32:03.450 --> 00:32:10.909
So like my husband can stub his toe and I'm not even exaggerating, and he'll scream and I'll burst into tears Like.

00:32:11.169 --> 00:32:12.612
I actually.

00:32:12.612 --> 00:32:14.276
I also share this.

00:32:14.276 --> 00:32:24.700
I will tell you that I don't always burst into tears, but I find raised voices, even when it's in joy, extremely stressful.

00:32:24.700 --> 00:32:27.016
Yeah, I can't it, just it.

00:32:27.417 --> 00:32:33.307
I'm telling you I had to stop watching Marikovic, who is the father, because they were yelling so much.

00:32:33.307 --> 00:32:40.211
That's one of the reasons I had to start watching Real Housewives, because the yelling I'm like I can't do it, it makes me shut down.

00:32:40.211 --> 00:32:51.247
But I had to tell my husband that I'm like you can't yell like that because it makes me cry and I'm really sensitive to it.

00:32:51.247 --> 00:32:52.788
Yeah, I mean, otherwise he would have.

00:32:52.788 --> 00:32:53.390
I mean who?

00:32:53.390 --> 00:32:54.471
Who does yelling causes?

00:32:54.571 --> 00:32:55.133
anxiety.

00:32:55.133 --> 00:33:12.667
Yeah, yeah, it just causes anxiety and you know, and the person that's yelling is anxiety ridden and the, the people that are having to hear it, um, they, you know it just, it's just, uh, it's then there's nothing good about it at all and you know not that you can't do it, because that's a part of God, that you know.

00:33:12.667 --> 00:33:19.790
He made us that way and he made us get mad and just like he made us get happy and, um, you know that's a part of being a human being.

00:33:19.790 --> 00:33:26.561
But, um, yelling is anytime that television show where somebody's arguing.

00:33:26.561 --> 00:33:30.568
I start shrinking on the couch because it's just uncomfortable.

00:33:30.970 --> 00:33:34.596
It gives me like cringy, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:33:34.596 --> 00:33:40.557
Yeah, I'm not a fan, not a fan of the yelling, but then I do do it sometimes, but that's because you're human.

00:33:42.708 --> 00:33:44.211
I feel so shitty about it.

00:33:44.211 --> 00:33:56.492
I do it too, but I'm like, even like in the morning, when one of my daughters likes to like just randomly, just like hum nonsense words like really loud, and I'm just like, oh my God, you are stressing me out.

00:33:56.492 --> 00:33:57.454
I said it this morning.

00:33:57.454 --> 00:34:01.269
I was like I need you to know that you, this is very stressful for me.

00:34:01.269 --> 00:34:15.096
I am like a quiet morning person, so if we could talk about Christmas or school, but like just you yelling candy cane, candy cane, candy cane is really like.

00:34:17.704 --> 00:34:24.648
Let me guess what child it was, and I'm just like I need you to know something, and this is a me problem.

00:34:24.648 --> 00:34:27.784
Problem, but that is actually very stressful.

00:34:27.784 --> 00:34:43.847
I feel bad, though, but I'm like, okay, I can only do so much of that, and then I start to like snap oh yeah, it gets under your skin anytime somebody starts screaming and carrying on, it gets, it gets.

00:34:43.967 --> 00:34:45.492
Especially they live in the house with you.

00:34:47.501 --> 00:34:49.387
We're calling it the P Palace right now.

00:34:49.387 --> 00:34:54.492
Don't anyone panic, but it's actually getting so much better because we were potty training.

00:34:54.492 --> 00:34:57.367
Benny got on today.

00:34:57.367 --> 00:34:58.811
She's like how's the P Palace?

00:34:58.811 --> 00:35:01.317
It's great.

00:35:02.746 --> 00:35:04.431
Let's switch gears, let's go to New Year's.

00:35:04.431 --> 00:35:08.668
As we are gearing up for New Year's.

00:35:08.668 --> 00:35:13.498
We were talking before we hit record that we all hate the word resolution.

00:35:13.498 --> 00:35:16.070
Yeah, because the world ruined the word.

00:35:16.070 --> 00:35:24.617
Yeah, it's just like all I think in my head when I hear that is like diets and it lasts three weeks.

00:35:25.539 --> 00:35:27.878
Yeah, and I can't remember if we talked about this on the podcast last time or not.

00:35:27.878 --> 00:35:28.146
It's going to die in three weeks.

00:35:28.146 --> 00:35:37.514
Yeah, and I can't remember if we talked about this on the podcast last time or not but it's going to die in three weeks and there's reasons why there are reasons why, yeah, and resolutions are fine.

00:35:37.914 --> 00:35:40.927
It's great to turn over a new leaf in a new year.

00:35:40.927 --> 00:35:44.554
It's great, it's wonderful If you can get the proper mindset.

00:35:44.554 --> 00:35:46.487
A new year is a beautiful thing.

00:35:46.487 --> 00:35:48.755
It always can be, but it is.

00:35:48.755 --> 00:35:51.974
It can be just another day on the calendar for another person.

00:35:51.974 --> 00:36:00.711
So it just depends on your mindset and where you are and like what you've been through, rebecca, it's just, you see, christmas totally different than you saw at the last, however many years.

00:36:00.711 --> 00:36:01.474
It's just different.

00:36:01.474 --> 00:36:03.827
My Christmas is different this year than it's ever been.

00:36:03.827 --> 00:36:05.751
It's great, it's fine, but it's different.

00:36:06.373 --> 00:36:20.121
But the resolutions to me, have a beginning and a middle and an end and really, like we were talking about, we just want to grow and keep growing and you don't have to start on January 1st.

00:36:20.121 --> 00:36:22.987
You can start this minute right here during this podcast.

00:36:22.987 --> 00:36:28.898
You do not have to start on a certain day or a Monday or a new year and nobody dictates that.

00:36:28.898 --> 00:36:41.215
Nobody dictates your growth because if you um your brain and I think we mentioned a little bit of this your brain will push you back to what the old behavior was.

00:36:41.215 --> 00:36:45.112
So when people do the diets, the no smoking not that you can't succeed you.

00:36:45.112 --> 00:36:49.666
But this is what happens when you start something.

00:36:49.666 --> 00:36:56.168
Within two to three weeks, it's like your mind and your body is on autopilot, wants to go back to what it knew.

00:36:56.708 --> 00:37:01.088
Yeah, it is not that you don't have the willpower that there's something wrong with you.

00:37:01.309 --> 00:37:09.967
It is that your brain, which is the most powerful thing, that it guides everything, if it only knows what it's done before.

00:37:09.967 --> 00:37:21.487
So it's trying to protect you and if you can appreciate that that's what the brain's doing and embrace it, then you can get through that hurdle or that barrier that you bump up against in about two or three weeks.

00:37:21.487 --> 00:37:24.376
Some people it could be a couple months and some people could be a week.

00:37:24.376 --> 00:37:41.195
But you run into it with any kind of dietary changes trying to quit smoking, quit drinking, be a better person, be more patient, anger management it could be anything less of anything that you know isn't serving you.

00:37:41.195 --> 00:37:47.637
When you try to change it and that's what you've always been doing the brain is only trying to push you back.

00:37:47.637 --> 00:37:52.907
It's saying I don't know this path, I don't understand this path, I don't know what's on the other side of that.

00:37:52.907 --> 00:38:03.994
So I'm going to push you back to what I'm familiar with, and if you can truly understand that you can overcome anything in your life, anything, and it has nothing to do with a resolution.

00:38:05.717 --> 00:38:16.976
So how do you push back on your brain deciding that obviously like the, the more the behavior that they know is the behavior that they like?

00:38:18.498 --> 00:38:22.795
It's going to sound like you're a crazy person, but you have to be your greatest advocate.

00:38:22.795 --> 00:38:24.646
You literally have to talk to yourself.

00:38:24.646 --> 00:38:30.914
So you will have a moment where, all of a sudden, you'll want to do smoke the cigarette, take the drink, whatever it is you're trying to work on.

00:38:30.914 --> 00:38:36.195
For me, because I had a past eating disorder, it was always working on that kind of thing.

00:38:36.195 --> 00:38:41.454
So when the brain starts you get scared is what happens?

00:38:41.454 --> 00:38:42.335
You start to go.

00:38:42.335 --> 00:38:44.326
Wait a minute, I was fine, I was doing great.

00:38:44.326 --> 00:38:48.353
Why do I all of a sudden out, didn't know where I'm going to be the dishwasher.

00:38:48.353 --> 00:38:49.594
Do I want to go?

00:38:49.594 --> 00:38:52.885
Do this behavior that I have not been doing for the last three weeks?

00:38:52.885 --> 00:38:59.163
And you have to understand that the brain is saying okay, I've done all I can do.

00:38:59.163 --> 00:39:00.907
I want to take you back to safety.

00:39:00.907 --> 00:39:02.231
I want to take you back to what I know.

00:39:02.231 --> 00:39:11.300
If you can understand that and most people don't and I didn't for years if you understand that that's what it's doing, then you can talk to yourself and go.

00:39:11.641 --> 00:39:15.322
Jennifer, this is the terror barrier that you're bouncing up against.

00:39:15.322 --> 00:39:23.114
This is the barrier that every single person that decides to do better in their life and make their life better and make a change is going to bump up against.

00:39:23.114 --> 00:39:24.630
Every single person does.

00:39:24.630 --> 00:39:28.215
And when you get to that barrier, recognize it for what it is.

00:39:28.215 --> 00:39:31.913
Be glad you got there because you've pushed yourself to that point.

00:39:31.913 --> 00:39:34.907
Understand that, hey, this is my brain.

00:39:34.907 --> 00:39:36.952
It just wants me to go back to what it knows.

00:39:36.952 --> 00:39:38.626
But I'm going to show it a different path.

00:39:38.626 --> 00:39:46.951
I'm going to show it a different way, and it takes courage and strength and persistence and confidence and all the things to go ahead and push forward.

00:39:46.951 --> 00:39:59.489
But on the other side of that wall is freedom and confidence like you've never seen, and it's because you've carved a new path for yourself and it's a new way to go and you are not familiar with it.

00:39:59.489 --> 00:40:02.317
So you have to continue to believe in yourself to get through it.

00:40:02.317 --> 00:40:06.768
You can't go back to the old ways because the old ways and the old habits are comfortable right.

00:40:06.768 --> 00:40:11.092
So when you jump over which is hard to do you see people fail all the time.

00:40:11.092 --> 00:40:13.315
I failed miserably for many, many, many, many years.

00:40:14.536 --> 00:40:21.541
When you jump over and you don't have the scripted path like the old one, you have to push forward.

00:40:21.541 --> 00:40:27.974
When you push forward, you have to believe in yourself, and that is the key to everything is believing in who you are and believe that you have to believe in yourself.

00:40:27.974 --> 00:40:34.329
And that is the key to everything is believing in who you are and believe that you have the strength to want better for yourself, because you deserve better and you're worth the best.

00:40:34.329 --> 00:40:39.246
And it's that it all comes down to believing in yourself and your self-worth.

00:40:39.246 --> 00:40:40.469
And what do I deserve?

00:40:40.469 --> 00:40:42.313
What is my life worth?

00:40:42.353 --> 00:40:43.536
This is not a dress rehearsal.

00:40:43.536 --> 00:40:47.369
What am I going to do with the rest of my life to make it the best I can?

00:40:47.369 --> 00:40:50.431
Am I going to go back to my old ways that my brain only knows?

00:40:50.431 --> 00:40:52.715
Am I going to, you know, carve a new path?

00:40:52.715 --> 00:40:55.117
And so you have to talk to yourself.

00:40:55.117 --> 00:41:02.806
I mean out loud and look nuts, but that's what you do and nobody else is going to do it for you.

00:41:02.806 --> 00:41:04.427
I mean you can have a coach like me.

00:41:04.427 --> 00:41:09.632
I can help people understand that, but I'm not going to be there on that random Tuesday when you're unloading the dishwasher.

00:41:09.632 --> 00:41:12.936
So you have to do it for yourself.

00:41:12.936 --> 00:41:15.679
You have to be strong and know that you deserve the best.

00:41:15.679 --> 00:41:19.867
And once you jump over that hurdle, you can become unstoppable.

00:41:24.373 --> 00:41:24.974
Mic drop.

00:41:27.777 --> 00:41:36.257
One thing I had to keep saying to myself, even last year, was like or when I was making this big decision was like do you really want to do this for 40 more years?

00:41:36.257 --> 00:41:38.748
Do you want to do it for four?

00:41:38.748 --> 00:41:45.086
Do you want to do it for one, if you don't want to do it for four or 40.

00:41:45.086 --> 00:41:53.898
And I was like, and I every time I got to that place I was like I don't have 40 more years of this in me and so like, why am I going to do one more?

00:41:53.898 --> 00:42:01.059
Like, why am I going to do one more month or one more year or whatever it is one more anniversary?

00:42:01.059 --> 00:42:03.972
I don't want to do it 40 more times.

00:42:03.972 --> 00:42:06.519
I just feel like we always talk about.

00:42:06.599 --> 00:42:08.184
Life is, time is currency.

00:42:08.184 --> 00:42:13.277
You know it is, it truly is, and you get one shot, so like, why be miserable?

00:42:14.786 --> 00:42:15.909
Yeah, it could be anything.

00:42:15.909 --> 00:42:27.878
I do think the things, though, that like the eating thing, because that is kind of like family, like food is always around when you recover from an eating disorder.

00:42:27.878 --> 00:42:33.313
Unfortunately, you are literally faced with the thing every day, which is very hard.

00:42:33.313 --> 00:42:40.878
Um, but family in some ways is kind of the same, including spouses, current or previous.

00:42:40.878 --> 00:42:43.646
Like this isn't like your high school boyfriend.

00:42:43.907 --> 00:42:46.273
Like, like you're in it for the long call.

00:42:46.994 --> 00:42:48.469
Yeah, I'd be like, well, until they're 18.

00:42:48.469 --> 00:42:56.938
I'm like, really, cause they're going to get married, they're going to have kids, then you're going to have grandkids, so it's like right, it's not going to get less.

00:42:56.938 --> 00:42:59.811
So like that mentality of like, just get to 18.

00:42:59.811 --> 00:43:01.014
Isn't like a real push?

00:43:01.014 --> 00:43:16.331
That's kind of like just get to March or just get to Cancun and then we'll deal with the next swimsuit problem.

00:43:16.351 --> 00:43:19.541
After that, you know, it gets as false, like you have to literally like, like, change the behavior, change the mindset and like, decide what you will allow.

00:43:19.541 --> 00:43:34.192
And chances are in that time, if most people can get out there and and and be courageous and um and brave, they will meet another individual and you will shift again in the thinking that you think about the ex and having to see the ex and all of that.

00:43:34.192 --> 00:43:43.750
So when you can heal and move on with your life, whatever that looks like, it could be no other person or it could be just, you know, a career or a hobby, it didn't matter.

00:43:43.750 --> 00:43:50.610
Whatever it is that that fills your cup and fills that hole of of the person being gone.

00:43:50.610 --> 00:43:53.507
And even if there need to be gone, there's still a hole, there's still a void.

00:43:53.507 --> 00:43:56.173
That you're you know, yeah.

00:43:56.193 --> 00:43:57.336
Does that make sense.

00:43:58.085 --> 00:44:01.072
Yeah Well, and I I would say like we actually do a very good job.

00:44:01.072 --> 00:44:08.097
Like if you were you know we were at a friend's party for all 4th of July, like for our friends and our kids.

00:44:08.097 --> 00:44:09.186
It's very peaceful.

00:44:09.186 --> 00:44:25.550
I think we still have like little backpacks of like stuff that we're like but like for the exterior and for everyone else's sanity and for the day to day it's actually you would be shocked to like I'm proud of how mature it looks and feels right now.

00:44:25.550 --> 00:44:32.541
But there still is the everyday, like you know, communication that you have to do.

00:44:32.541 --> 00:44:34.347
That's still the same A lot of times.

00:44:34.347 --> 00:44:34.889
It's family.

00:44:34.889 --> 00:44:36.831
That's just like can be exhausting.

00:44:37.494 --> 00:44:38.045
Yeah, they don't.

00:44:38.045 --> 00:44:39.231
They just don't go anywhere.

00:44:39.231 --> 00:44:43.476
So your main, your mind will, will reframe them over time.

00:44:43.746 --> 00:44:49.407
It's like I was saying before, as when you, your life isn't going to stay the same either, just like theirs isn't.

00:44:49.407 --> 00:45:01.507
So you will continue to grow and learn and meet new people and have new experience, and it will kind of it shapes the thoughts that are around the hard times they start.

00:45:01.507 --> 00:45:07.195
You compartmentalize it differently as you grow and move on, and right now it's still kind of fresh.

00:45:07.195 --> 00:45:21.371
But, yeah, every time you move forward, the bad things have less power in your mind, even if they're in your house, you will see them and feel them differently.

00:45:21.371 --> 00:45:28.552
Yeah, time helps with that too, let alone healing and moving forward and knowing you've done the right thing in your life for yourself.

00:45:29.054 --> 00:45:34.590
People are listening and they're interested in, like tackling those mindset shifts.

00:45:34.590 --> 00:45:42.092
Like what if you were to give them a non-weight based like resolution or like a few cause?

00:45:42.092 --> 00:45:43.454
I feel like sometimes people can't.

00:45:43.454 --> 00:45:54.809
They want to change and they want to grow, but they don't even have necessarily the capacity or the resources or the knowledge that you have to even decide, like, where to start or what the goal should be.

00:45:54.809 --> 00:45:59.847
You know, like it's, it feels that abstract, I think, to a lot of people.

00:45:59.847 --> 00:46:10.795
Um, like what would if you were to make like a general resolution or a general growth tip or something that you would focus on for year, year or a growth thing that really changed for you?

00:46:10.795 --> 00:46:14.367
Like what would you give them as far as ideas?

00:46:16.411 --> 00:46:33.619
that's very loaded, but it's very loaded and it's it's different for a lot of people, except for one thing there is nothing you can't honestly, unless you're a fish trying to climb a tree, but there's nothing you can't do if you truly believe in yourself.

00:46:33.619 --> 00:46:41.443
So, even if you don't get to the exact goal or the thing, you're going to get there faster than if you didn't.

00:46:41.443 --> 00:46:44.875
And this world wants you to not believe in yourself.

00:46:44.875 --> 00:46:46.231
It wants you to stay stuck.

00:46:46.231 --> 00:46:47.737
So we are provided the wants you to stay stuck.

00:46:47.737 --> 00:46:49.947
So it you know, we are provided the comforts to stay stuck.

00:46:49.947 --> 00:47:06.135
So, if you can and you may have to look into, you know, um, some type of therapy or coaching or you know, or invest in a good book or whatever it is to to understand a lot of things, because it is so hard to get out of your own head.

00:47:06.135 --> 00:47:09.809
Understand a lot of things because it is so hard to get out of your own head.

00:47:09.829 --> 00:47:10.731
Yeah, it took me years to get out of my head.

00:47:10.731 --> 00:47:25.507
I'm I was 40, in my forties before I started to understand these things, and that's why I love what I do, because I want to get these people as early as I can, kids as early as I can, to know that they have the power to not take on and bring every single thing they've learned and been through.

00:47:25.507 --> 00:47:28.556
They can dump all of it and pave a new path.

00:47:28.556 --> 00:47:36.092
They can believe every single thing they want to believe in themselves, no matter what somebody else has told them or made them believe.

00:47:36.092 --> 00:47:41.657
They can get on a different track because that track is what's how they're going to live their life.

00:47:41.885 --> 00:47:44.851
I believed I was a chubby little girl, so therefore I fought obesity my whole life.

00:47:44.851 --> 00:47:48.668
Because I believe that I was a chubby little girl, so therefore I fought obesity my whole life because I believe that I was a chubby little girl.

00:47:48.668 --> 00:47:59.514
If you believe you're not smart, if you believe you're not athletic, if you believe you're uncoordinated, if you believe you're not enough, you'll get on a track and you will live your entire life that way and you don't deserve it.

00:47:59.514 --> 00:48:01.728
Nobody deserves it, because it's a lie.

00:48:01.728 --> 00:48:05.938
It was a lie about me and it's a lie about most of us, and we adopted in childhood.

00:48:05.938 --> 00:48:09.547
Yeah, and I call it getting on the wrong track in life.

00:48:09.547 --> 00:48:12.554
So it is hard to get out of your own head.

00:48:12.554 --> 00:48:16.233
It is hard to even work with clients to help them get out of their own head.

00:48:16.233 --> 00:48:17.237
It's so ingrained.

00:48:17.679 --> 00:48:19.246
Oh, I'm sure it's even hard to see.

00:48:19.547 --> 00:48:31.231
You know, like for me, one of the hardest like I'm I am no way I'm like whatever, but I can still see behaviors that I have gotten rid of in friends or family, and so that's even hard to watch.

00:48:31.391 --> 00:48:49.690
I can't imagine doing your job and being like this is right there, I can see it and it's very true, even if you're trying to, even for you, right, if I'm your friend and I'm trying to convince you that you're not a chubby little girl yeah, I can see very clearly that you're not.

00:48:49.690 --> 00:48:53.666
But if that's part of you, it's really hard to release that belief.

00:48:53.666 --> 00:49:03.432
So I, I mean, I can't imagine sitting in your shoes and literally seeing it so clearly and then having somebody struggle as hard as we struggle against these.

00:49:03.432 --> 00:49:15.519
You had this term for like a wall or a terror, terror barrier, terror barrier, and so like yeah, I'm sure that's like hard to watch.

00:49:15.519 --> 00:49:26.039
Was there any like if you were going to give people a book or like a way that they could start that like discovery process or even like thought process about, like really believing in themselves?

00:49:27.786 --> 00:49:28.548
You have to go back.

00:49:28.548 --> 00:49:41.373
It's old school, so you would need to get a journal and you need to start writing down what you're grateful for Okay, what's going right in your life, because you tend we tend to focus on what's not going right.

00:49:41.373 --> 00:49:42.436
Who's not in our life?

00:49:42.436 --> 00:49:46.817
So you focus on what is going well, what you're grateful for.

00:49:46.817 --> 00:49:49.164
Those things get you in a proper mindset.

00:49:49.164 --> 00:49:53.869
It is so old school how to start getting in touch with yourself, because that's what you're having to do.

00:49:53.869 --> 00:50:02.471
People don't know, because they're not in touch with their gut and they're not in touch with themselves and they've been jerked around by the nose by the noise of the outside right.

00:50:02.471 --> 00:50:11.539
So you get a journal and you write down what you are grateful for, thankful for what is going right.

00:50:11.539 --> 00:50:19.628
Give yourself credit for things, because we tend to only focus on what we've done wrong instead of all the things we've done right, which always trump the wrong things.

00:50:19.628 --> 00:50:27.068
So you start there, because it's the mindset to focus on the good, not what you don't have.

00:50:27.931 --> 00:50:33.389
The second thing that I would have you do is write down things that you desire, truly desire.

00:50:33.389 --> 00:50:36.757
I don't think people sit down and really think about what they want.

00:50:36.757 --> 00:50:38.878
They are puppets on a string.

00:50:38.878 --> 00:50:41.561
We just barrel through the next day.

00:50:41.561 --> 00:50:43.081
How am I going to get through this next day?

00:50:43.081 --> 00:50:44.081
How am I going to do this?

00:50:44.081 --> 00:50:45.623
What 80 things are on my list?

00:50:45.623 --> 00:50:53.338
We do not slow down enough to understand and to pay attention to what is truly what brings us joy.

00:50:53.338 --> 00:50:55.371
What do we need so right now?

00:50:55.371 --> 00:50:58.079
And one of mine was to see the clear blue water.

00:50:58.079 --> 00:51:10.186
And because I don't do a lot of traveling or any of that, and I raised my boys and we were always home and we're finally able to do these things but I wanted to see like that real water where you, you could see the bottom.

00:51:10.186 --> 00:51:12.250
You know, you can see your feet, so no shark could get me.

00:51:12.250 --> 00:51:15.737
You know, I was like there's no things in the water.

00:51:15.737 --> 00:51:21.135
I could see it and it, it, I wrote it down and it's happened, and now it's happened to multiple times.

00:51:21.135 --> 00:51:23.987
So it was something that I really wanted and desired.

00:51:23.987 --> 00:51:25.150
So that was just an example.

00:51:25.150 --> 00:51:28.876
But if it's to be a lean, green, strong machine, I don't.

00:51:28.916 --> 00:51:38.996
Whatever it is that you want that you really desire a wonderful man, a wonderful woman, um, a beautiful home, a great job, a job that does this.

00:51:38.996 --> 00:51:42.349
You write it down, but you don't just say I want a house.

00:51:42.349 --> 00:51:51.896
You write down what you want it to look like and you get emotionally involved with the thought, emotionally involved with the feeling and the desire in detail.

00:51:51.896 --> 00:51:53.887
You want a man, what kind of man you want?

00:51:53.887 --> 00:51:55.554
Write it down.

00:51:55.554 --> 00:51:56.436
I want him to be this.

00:51:56.436 --> 00:52:00.349
It doesn't matter, nobody's looking and it's no judgment.

00:52:00.349 --> 00:52:03.376
It is your desire, your belief, your experience, what you want.

00:52:03.677 --> 00:52:08.905
That may not be what shows up, because sometimes things show up coming in a back door that you never thought were even there.

00:52:08.905 --> 00:52:09.867
So who knows?

00:52:09.867 --> 00:52:22.385
But you're getting in a mindset of paying attention to yourself and what you desire, what you want, what's going right, because things are always going to go wrong, things are always going to sneak up and punch you in the gut.

00:52:22.385 --> 00:52:25.934
It's okay, you keep going, keep living.

00:52:25.934 --> 00:52:27.217
We just what we do.

00:52:27.217 --> 00:52:27.998
We're human beings.

00:52:28.684 --> 00:52:35.751
And then one of the things I would do too is there are people that take up space in our heads and our minds.

00:52:35.751 --> 00:52:40.726
Whether it's exes, neighbors, friends, family, I don't care who it is.

00:52:40.726 --> 00:52:46.985
It could be even the person on the way into work and the traffic that is going too slow.

00:52:46.985 --> 00:52:53.518
There are people that take up space in our minds that we need to let go.

00:52:53.518 --> 00:52:58.856
You know, if somebody's bothering you or aggravating you, how much space has that taken up in a day for you?

00:52:58.856 --> 00:53:01.309
If you think about it, you have to.

00:53:01.309 --> 00:53:05.126
You know somebody's bullying your kid, whatever it is.

00:53:05.746 --> 00:53:08.735
Some things take up space that don't deserve to be there.

00:53:08.735 --> 00:53:17.757
So what I do with those is, if you have, if you're a faithful person, then I say God, please take care of this person, because I am tired of dealing with them.

00:53:17.757 --> 00:53:19.210
You know them better than I do.

00:53:19.210 --> 00:53:24.349
Please help them, because I'm done thinking about it, worrying about it, rolling around with it.

00:53:24.349 --> 00:53:24.849
I'm done.

00:53:24.849 --> 00:53:27.817
If you're not a faithful person, then I just send them love.

00:53:27.817 --> 00:53:47.702
You know, tell the universe to deal with it, but what you're trying to do every day and you do this every day is you're getting that toxic thoughts around an individual out of your head, because the less in your mind, the less that's there gives you the ability to have more free flowing thought.

00:53:47.702 --> 00:53:56.215
If you were caught up with, aggravated with other people, all the things that are going wrong, do you think there's room for you to have free thought?

00:53:58.365 --> 00:54:04.798
No, no, but we had a conversation the other day about a specific person that we mutually know.

00:54:04.798 --> 00:54:11.505
That is constantly like an energy drain because everything is like we could hear about the worst day ever.

00:54:11.505 --> 00:54:19.014
I'm like that was hardly the worst day, like I mean Jenny and I tend to like laugh, you know, send each other pictures of like the pea palace or whatever it is.

00:54:19.014 --> 00:54:34.670
It's going on when her dog shits all over the kitchen or something, and I'm just like I mean this is hardly the dramatic theatrical episode that you're acting like it is but the dramatic theatrical episode that you're acting like it is.

00:54:34.690 --> 00:54:43.132
But okay, yeah, people like that, even if things are going right in their life, they'll create something to go wrong.

00:54:43.132 --> 00:54:47.405
That's the brain going back to the drama world because they can't get out of it.

00:54:47.405 --> 00:54:50.527
It's like the people that are late all the time, or people that do a certain thing all the time.

00:54:50.527 --> 00:54:53.518
They do these things because that is what their brain knows.

00:54:53.518 --> 00:54:56.490
They're not trying to be a pain in the ass.

00:54:56.490 --> 00:54:59.702
They literally are doing the behavior they've always done.

00:54:59.702 --> 00:55:01.047
That's another thing you could change too.

00:55:01.047 --> 00:55:08.231
If you're one that's always late, you know you can change that, but it'll be so hard to fight, just like eating right, yeah.

00:55:09.673 --> 00:55:11.577
Yeah, so interesting.

00:55:12.639 --> 00:55:15.304
I know the brain's powerful guys, it's a journal.

00:55:15.344 --> 00:55:16.085
We don't need a book.

00:55:17.530 --> 00:55:20.858
Well, I don't read self-help books because it just makes me confused.

00:55:22.985 --> 00:55:27.514
I actually, so I tend to subscribe to that a little bit, for sure.

00:55:27.514 --> 00:55:29.818
I mean, I read, I just read.

00:55:29.818 --> 00:55:31.532
Really, I love it.

00:55:31.532 --> 00:55:32.556
I read slutty books.

00:55:32.556 --> 00:55:35.166
Yes, jenny is our self-help book.

00:55:35.166 --> 00:55:37.568
I'm our slutty book.

00:55:38.110 --> 00:55:55.750
I'm self-help and slutty, so yeah it confused me because once again the author is bringing their perspective to the book and you know you might even have psychologists and they may be bringing something, some type of protocol or whatever but it's still.

00:55:55.750 --> 00:56:03.273
It's still an experience based for the most part book, and there's some out there that are probably more on a professional.

00:56:03.273 --> 00:56:04.947
But you know I don't do that, I coach.

00:56:05.047 --> 00:56:08.556
So I read them with the mentality of this and this is my philosophy.

00:56:08.556 --> 00:56:13.713
I said it several times to my husband in the past few days I'm like opinions are like buttholes Everybody's got them.

00:56:13.713 --> 00:56:15.697
So that's kind of how I feel.

00:56:15.697 --> 00:56:16.666
When I read those books.

00:56:16.666 --> 00:56:18.431
It's like, yeah, that's you.

00:56:18.431 --> 00:56:20.757
Yeah, I might get a nugget or two, but I do like to read them.

00:56:21.164 --> 00:56:21.527
Well that's.

00:56:21.527 --> 00:56:23.782
It's like parenting books or parenting magazines or whatever.

00:56:23.782 --> 00:56:28.951
I didn't read those either, because one would say, take the past day away at nine months and one would say, let them have it until they're five.

00:56:28.951 --> 00:56:30.313
You know so, whatever.

00:56:30.313 --> 00:56:38.833
I just don't read a lot of that because I get confused and I just use my own common sense and do the best I can, and if the client doesn't like it, they can go find another coach.

00:56:38.833 --> 00:56:40.117
I don't, I don't worry.

00:56:40.445 --> 00:56:52.909
No, I was just curious, but I love the idea of it being a journal and like really getting um, like I was going to say self-centered, but then I was like in touch with yourself, yeah, but I'm like.

00:56:52.909 --> 00:56:54.800
Then also, when I was gonna say self-centered, I was like you know, that's not such a bad thing.

00:56:54.800 --> 00:56:58.010
I don't literally mean become like, but you're like allowed.

00:56:58.010 --> 00:57:04.896
I think we also need to give everyone permission to like, appreciate themselves and give themselves space.

00:57:04.896 --> 00:57:05.900
In some ways too.

00:57:05.900 --> 00:57:09.971
I'm like the fact that I cringe when I thought self-centered isn't probably the best thing either.

00:57:10.331 --> 00:57:12.036
Because it has a negative connotation.

00:57:12.056 --> 00:57:12.137
Yeah.

00:57:12.724 --> 00:57:16.931
Because everybody's like, don't be self-centered, but it's like then we go so much the opposite way.

00:57:16.971 --> 00:57:19.657
Yeah, that it's like You're crazy.

00:57:19.657 --> 00:57:22.389
I'm like am I crazy or am I lost?

00:57:22.389 --> 00:57:31.172
Like, and I'm just like you know, like it's okay to to prioritize your own self and your own needs.

00:57:31.172 --> 00:57:36.835
I do think back to the beginning as moms going into this season.

00:57:36.835 --> 00:57:44.001
If you didn't hear it at home, it's okay to have your own priorities and your own needs.

00:57:44.001 --> 00:57:46.291
This season it's going to be okay.

00:57:46.625 --> 00:57:48.313
I bought myself three presents yesterday.

00:57:48.313 --> 00:57:50.431
I'm thinking about a present for myself.

00:57:50.431 --> 00:57:51.313
I handed them to Nate.

00:57:51.313 --> 00:57:53.393
I was like hey, can you write these and give these to me?

00:57:53.393 --> 00:57:55.512
He was like sure, thank you.

00:57:55.512 --> 00:57:57.550
And Clark was like what is that for?

00:57:57.550 --> 00:57:59.954
I'm like mommy bought herself some Christmas presents.

00:57:59.954 --> 00:58:01.509
She's like oh, we can do that.

00:58:01.509 --> 00:58:03.755
Yeah, you're a mommy.

00:58:04.056 --> 00:58:05.889
Mommy, can I learned it?

00:58:05.889 --> 00:58:06.693
Mommy status.

00:58:12.184 --> 00:58:13.568
But you know what I might have a Christmas present?

00:58:13.568 --> 00:58:16.496
I have literally been researching the same thing over and over and by research.

00:58:16.797 --> 00:58:19.425
I mean, I actually just can't decide what color.

00:58:19.425 --> 00:58:22.331
Yeah, I ain't even mad about it.

00:58:23.132 --> 00:58:24.577
I'm pretty sure I'm getting it.

00:58:24.577 --> 00:58:36.954
I just get really hung up on the color situation, which is like, as a color person, I know better than this, but I am in just in the carousel every day of like I wonder what it would look like.

00:58:36.954 --> 00:58:37.856
I wonder what it would look like.

00:58:40.728 --> 00:58:44.416
It's not being self-centered, because the thing is that nobody's going to do it for us.

00:58:44.416 --> 00:58:47.932
Nobody's going to take care of us the way that we take care of ourselves.

00:58:47.932 --> 00:58:48.835
No one can do it.

00:58:48.835 --> 00:58:50.309
Nobody can convince us to do it.

00:58:50.309 --> 00:59:01.032
We have to want it, we have to believe that everything we need is already here, it's inside of us, it's there, and once you tap into that, you can become unstoppable.

00:59:01.032 --> 00:59:03.235
Yeah, no, I love that.

00:59:03.356 --> 00:59:04.057
I love it.

00:59:04.057 --> 00:59:06.351
Jennifer, thank you so much.

00:59:06.351 --> 00:59:09.911
I mean I feel locked and loaded, ready for the holiday and the new year.

00:59:10.291 --> 00:59:13.878
Like unstoppable makes me feel like that could potentially be a word for next year.

00:59:15.851 --> 00:59:17.759
Oh, my gosh I was thinking the same thing.

00:59:17.778 --> 00:59:26.197
Yeah, it's a good one you know like our coast, our life, our co-life.

00:59:26.197 --> 00:59:33.335
Jenny and I pick words typically for our year Unstoppable.

00:59:33.335 --> 00:59:34.315
I love that.

00:59:34.315 --> 00:59:35.237
I know it's a really good word.

00:59:35.237 --> 00:59:36.199
We've been like waffling.

00:59:36.199 --> 00:59:40.076
Last year my word was more, Mine was safe, Yep.

00:59:41.445 --> 00:59:48.570
I've lived it this year, Yep, and I came out of a year previously where I was saying no to a lot of things.

00:59:48.570 --> 00:59:57.465
I really had like just start becoming building this wall so that I could figure out where I was inside of the wall or outside of the wall.

00:59:57.465 --> 00:59:59.090
And now I'm like more.

00:59:59.490 --> 01:00:05.911
Another thing that I was this year, and another really, really good word in um, it's a deep one is to be intentional.

01:00:06.653 --> 01:00:08.498
I'm sorry, somebody's drilling under our house.

01:00:08.625 --> 01:00:10.449
If y'all hear that, I don't know what that was.

01:00:10.449 --> 01:00:13.137
They're putting a dehumidifier underneath.

01:00:13.137 --> 01:00:14.469
So that's what that noise is.

01:00:14.469 --> 01:00:23.175
But to be intentional to and that's what I'm doing this year, Everything I'm doing is with the purest of intentions.

01:00:23.175 --> 01:00:28.217
I'm giving everything I've got and then being intentional with those certain things.

01:00:28.217 --> 01:00:31.001
So being intentional is a strong one too.

01:00:31.001 --> 01:00:33.713
That's a good word, but unstoppable is just like fun.

01:00:34.967 --> 01:00:38.695
Yes, it gives me, like some major energy vibes it does yeah, yeah.

01:00:38.916 --> 01:00:44.036
Yeah, and you know, if we want to do this again even in the new year, I can come back with some.

01:00:44.036 --> 01:00:45.402
You know a few tips.

01:00:45.402 --> 01:00:59.034
You know a few things that you can do, like the journal that kind of gets your head ready and you understanding that you literally can do and be whatever it is you choose.

01:00:59.175 --> 01:01:16.396
Like I said, unless you're a fish, climb in a tree king well, and I feel like we have so many powerful women who outside of, like moms, also have careers, so maybe we can talk about some of that and relating the unstoppable to that aspect of things, cause we haven't really talked about that a whole lot.

01:01:16.925 --> 01:01:22.226
No, but there is that like balance Cause, like you know, there's that like boss babe mentality and you're like, okay.

01:01:22.226 --> 01:01:24.514
But then you're like, okay, there's also the burnout.

01:01:24.514 --> 01:01:34.905
So you're like how do you embrace unstoppable but not accidentally let everyone around you make it mean, do everything for them, right?

01:01:34.905 --> 01:01:35.507
Do you know what I mean?

01:01:35.507 --> 01:01:40.867
People love to take advantage of people who are go-getters, and then also women.

01:01:40.867 --> 01:01:45.797
I hate to say that, but like we're very much as like the homemakers and the moms.

01:01:45.797 --> 01:01:52.929
It's no one thinks twice about being like if you could just add this to your list and you're like, okay, well, my list is kind of crazy.

01:01:53.711 --> 01:01:55.958
It's like sure I'm right on top of that, rose yeah.

01:01:56.164 --> 01:02:01.688
I have a notepad at every single flat surface in my apartment because I'm like, okay, because my list is kind of crazy.

01:02:01.688 --> 01:02:07.367
And then I don't write something important on my planner and Jenny's like are you coming?

01:02:07.367 --> 01:02:09.190
I'm like, yes, I am, yes, I am coming.

01:02:09.190 --> 01:02:11.715
I'm like, yes, I am I love it.

01:02:11.755 --> 01:02:12.735
Yes, I am Well good.

01:02:12.735 --> 01:02:14.960
Well, this is amazing, so much.

01:02:21.704 --> 01:02:22.869
Merry Christmas and all the, all the things.

01:02:22.869 --> 01:02:23.793
Yeah, all the things to you too as well.

01:02:23.813 --> 01:02:25.119
I'm excited, we're all doing Christmas a different way.

01:02:25.119 --> 01:02:25.641
I love it, I know.

01:02:25.641 --> 01:02:26.204
I love it Each its own.

01:02:27.005 --> 01:02:28.869
What an interesting fun little like thank you for everything.

01:02:28.869 --> 01:02:31.556
Yes, jennifer, thank you, what an interesting fun little like thank you for everything.

01:02:31.576 --> 01:02:32.416
Yes, jennifer, thank you.

01:02:32.416 --> 01:02:33.099
Thank you guys.

01:02:33.099 --> 01:02:33.800
I've enjoyed it.

01:02:33.800 --> 01:02:35.068
I can't wait till next time.

01:02:35.068 --> 01:02:39.054
It's been fun, everybody have a Merry Christmas and everybody do it their way.

01:02:39.885 --> 01:02:42.231
Yes, exactly, you have permission.

01:02:42.231 --> 01:02:45.371
Jennifer Sisk said so and you can change your mind every year.

01:02:45.391 --> 01:02:47.157
I love it.

01:02:47.157 --> 01:02:50.411
Thanks so much, guys, and we will see you next week.

01:02:50.411 --> 01:02:51.126
Bye.