Sept. 5, 2024

Nature vs. Nurture, Experiences & Enneagram Coach Kelsey Lincoln

Nature vs. Nurture, Experiences & Enneagram Coach Kelsey Lincoln
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Season 3

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An incredible episode - a toe dip (because we’re going to have to have her back!) into the world … errr pool of Enneagram with Kelsey Lincoln, a certified Enneagram life coach.  This isn’t about strengths and weaknesses - this is about motivation, and what drives people to navigate the world through unique perspectives.

From first “ick” when you learn your type (and that’s not even easy) to the way you navigate your enneagram in both healthy and toxic ways. She talks us through our types, and yours. We tackle the core motivations that drive the behaviors behind each type : core fear - core desire - core weakness - core longing. Are you a moral perfectionist? A befriender? An achiever? A romantic? An investigator? A loyalist? An entertainer? A challenger? A peacemaker?

Do we have your attention yet?

And does it mean to hire and enneagram mentor - Kelsey coaches clients through identifying their enneagram. But then, as a life coach, she teaches you how to navigate your life in your business and a way that keeps you, lack of a better term because she’s not a therapist (but her sister is!), mentally well. You’ll hear us referee this idea of healthy and what health looks like in your enneagram a lot.

Even better she also has a podcast that she cohost with her sister. They the two ideas of your internal personality and then also mental health to discuss different topics like anxiety and how it presents in the body and then how it presents in each personality type.

And guess what? She’s a mom (of course she is), of a very young child. What’s that thing? People always say? Full hands - fuller heart. Inspired to learn the skill after first experiencing it at a work retreat - she took on the task of getting certified as a Enneagram Coach during Covid. There really is something so amazing about Moms these talents and have these passions and then bring them to audiences like ours and us.

Whether it’s your first time hearing about the Enneagram personality type assessment, or it’s your 100th you are really going to enjoy this episode. and you have a full blessing to spend a little extra time on yourself and your wellness -  learning about yourself, and investing in yourself. We strongly encourage you to give her a follow or even to reach out to her if you think coaching might be for you (and yes - she does coach teams!).




Kelsey Lincoln
certified Enneagram Life Coach
Instagram @enneagramwithkelsey 

Related, the Podcast
Katelyn & Kelsey

Free Test but PLEASE NOTE - it’s easy to “mis type” from a free quiz so don’t be afraid to reach out to a coach if this is something you want to explore deeper
https://personalitypath.com/free-enneagram-personality-test/




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And don't forget to leave us a 5 star review! Or message us to deep dive into your topic or just give us feedback!

Hosted by @raebecca.miller and @jennyfromthe843

00:09 - Understanding the Enneagram for Personal Growth

12:21 - Exploring Enneagram Types and Relationships

15:59 - Enneagram Types

30:02 - Exploring Enneagram Coaching Benefits

38:25 - Empowering Mental Health Conversations

41:40 - Navigating Motherhood and Business Balances

54:49 - Social Media Sharing and Validation

WEBVTT

00:00:09.868 --> 00:00:11.670
All right, good morning.

00:00:11.670 --> 00:00:18.157
Good morning, ooh, there's a third, one, another guest.

00:00:18.157 --> 00:00:19.420
We have another guest.

00:00:19.420 --> 00:00:28.893
You guys, we are literally out of our minds, excited, like we could barely get off like the pre-chat, because we're Jenny and I have been like man.

00:00:28.954 --> 00:00:29.795
I'm so excited.

00:00:29.795 --> 00:00:31.646
I'm like so excited.

00:00:31.960 --> 00:00:33.466
We're going to come through the screen.

00:00:33.466 --> 00:00:37.651
We have Kelsey Lincoln with us today, from Enneagram with Kelsey.

00:00:37.651 --> 00:00:38.262
So we are.

00:00:38.262 --> 00:00:40.270
You know we talk about Enneagram.

00:00:40.270 --> 00:00:42.508
We don't have any idea what we're talking about.

00:00:43.240 --> 00:00:49.631
We brought in a professional Like a real professional, like certified coach professional.

00:00:49.631 --> 00:00:52.122
You're like a life coach.

00:00:52.143 --> 00:00:53.747
You're like an Enneagram life coach.

00:00:53.747 --> 00:00:55.192
Right, it's like mentorship.

00:00:55.560 --> 00:01:00.472
Yes, yes, I use the Enneagram to kind of facilitate my life coaching.

00:01:00.472 --> 00:01:02.301
I love it.

00:01:02.481 --> 00:01:04.906
So give us, like the zoomed out version.

00:01:04.906 --> 00:01:08.073
This is about growth, or this?

00:01:08.661 --> 00:01:23.572
is yeah, the Enneagram is a personality tool and how it kind of sets itself apart from maybe like a Myers-Briggs or you know we were talking about earlier, just like some of them are very strength focused or weaknesses focused.

00:01:23.572 --> 00:01:28.811
And I think what I love about the Enneagram and what makes it unique, is it actually gets down to our motivations.

00:01:28.811 --> 00:01:31.561
So it's like why are we doing these things?

00:01:31.561 --> 00:01:33.147
Why are we making these decisions?

00:01:33.147 --> 00:01:34.653
Why are we behaving this way?

00:01:35.596 --> 00:01:58.066
Not just analyzing behavior and what we do, necessarily, while that is helpful, but we're really getting down to the motivations, which is also kind of why it makes it tricky to figure out your type, or like tests are not always the most accurate thing you can do, because you can't know someone else's motivations, right, like you have to know your motivations, and so that's kind of why it sets it apart.

00:01:58.066 --> 00:02:01.242
But, yes, like you said, it does point out growth as well.

00:02:01.242 --> 00:02:02.185
So that's the cool point.

00:02:02.185 --> 00:02:25.468
It's not like this is who you are Sorry, this is where you are your whole life Sorry or great, whatever you want to see it and but it's actually like your type doesn't change throughout your life, but your behaviors do, and so you can move through it and grow through your type and again, you're not necessarily changing, but you become.

00:02:25.468 --> 00:02:30.451
You know your best version of yourself, and the Enneagram shows you how to do that, which is super cool.

00:02:31.319 --> 00:02:31.600
I love.

00:02:31.600 --> 00:02:33.145
I don't know if I've ever thought about it.

00:02:33.145 --> 00:02:40.543
I know I love it for sure, but I don't know if I've ever used the word motivation when I thought about it and that makes so much sense for me.

00:02:41.003 --> 00:02:42.286
Yeah, yeah.

00:02:42.646 --> 00:02:42.847
Yeah.

00:02:42.947 --> 00:02:43.627
It's it's.

00:02:43.627 --> 00:02:52.798
It's kind of like this moment Most people feel when they see their type is like icky, you know, like, oh no, I don't want to be that type.

00:02:52.798 --> 00:02:56.643
That's usually what people experience with their type.

00:02:56.643 --> 00:02:58.906
Um, and that's yours?

00:02:58.906 --> 00:02:59.265
Yeah, for sure.

00:02:59.265 --> 00:03:01.868
Yeah, I'm a six, okay, but I missed type for a while.

00:03:01.889 --> 00:03:03.570
So I thought it was a two Kelsey.

00:03:03.610 --> 00:03:08.556
I'm a six, okay, but I mistyped for a while, so I thought I was a two, I thought I was a seven.

00:03:08.556 --> 00:03:13.025
It took me like three years, which is also kind of why I do this.

00:03:13.025 --> 00:03:19.949
It's because it is so much harder sometimes to see ourselves and to understand the Enneagram if you don't have someone always guiding you through it.

00:03:19.949 --> 00:03:22.981
So, yeah, it's fun though.

00:03:23.962 --> 00:03:27.004
Okay, and then Becca, what are you so?

00:03:27.044 --> 00:03:27.945
this is interesting.

00:03:27.945 --> 00:03:32.669
If you asked me a year ago, I would have told you I am a hardcore eight.

00:03:32.669 --> 00:03:39.574
Like there's no changing me through and through, like I absolutely completely identified with an eight.

00:03:39.574 --> 00:03:42.276
Okay, I have been through a really interesting year.

00:03:42.276 --> 00:03:54.569
So like the Cliff Notes version is, I got divorced and I spent a lot of time in this space, very much like protecting the people around me, whether it's like family or friends or you know.

00:03:54.631 --> 00:03:58.705
I really created the storyline that kept everything like locked and loaded, yeah.

00:03:58.705 --> 00:04:06.241
And when I walked away from that and started doing a lot of like rediscovery, I don't identify with those things quite as much as I did.

00:04:06.241 --> 00:04:09.929
Okay, and so I'm, but I'm not sure how many.

00:04:09.929 --> 00:04:12.454
I really I have no idea at this point.

00:04:12.454 --> 00:04:23.908
And then we had a guest on a little bit ago who was like I was an eight or a mistyped eight, or I changed and I'm actually a three, and I was like that is just so.

00:04:23.908 --> 00:04:25.490
So now I actually I don't know.

00:04:26.291 --> 00:04:26.492
Yeah.

00:04:26.492 --> 00:04:31.391
So it's hard to kind of figure out your type when you're in a stressful season.

00:04:31.391 --> 00:04:38.228
Sometimes it can help because we do take on behaviors and aspects of a different type in our stress.

00:04:38.228 --> 00:04:55.543
Um, so if you are an eight, then you in growth you're gonna, you're gonna move towards a two and in stress you're going to kind of take on behaviors of a five which would make you withdraw, isolate, kind of be more skeptical.

00:04:55.543 --> 00:04:59.492
People not as kind of out there as maybe you normally are.

00:04:59.492 --> 00:05:16.367
You might like analyze more, but naturally, as you as an eight would be that more like outgoing, probably outward person, more intense, more willing to speak up, you're not going to kind of shrink back as much, but in stress you might shrink back.

00:05:16.367 --> 00:05:16.708
So do you?

00:05:16.708 --> 00:05:17.939
Did you experience that in?

00:05:18.000 --> 00:05:18.822
a stressful season.

00:05:18.822 --> 00:05:29.685
So I also was married to a five on top of it, and so, knowing that I went that way, in stress I'm always like what came first, the chicken or the egg?

00:05:29.685 --> 00:05:36.127
Did I have to be guided towards that way or did I start to take on those things?

00:05:36.127 --> 00:05:37.151
For sure?

00:05:37.151 --> 00:05:50.682
I became, especially when I was making the bigger decisions about what to do, became a lot more internal, and it was convenient for that relationship also to be very internal.

00:05:51.023 --> 00:05:56.600
But, now that I'm not I definitely don't find myself internalizing much at all.

00:05:56.600 --> 00:05:58.826
I still have very much a protective voice.

00:05:58.826 --> 00:06:01.252
I don't have a lot of like.

00:06:01.252 --> 00:06:05.889
I don't give myself like a ton of boundaries or privacy because I don't worry about it so much.

00:06:05.889 --> 00:06:07.151
I worry about other people.

00:06:07.151 --> 00:06:10.507
Okay, but I'm not quite sure.

00:06:10.959 --> 00:06:17.834
When you think about yourself, like in the course of your life did you see eight in a lot of seasons of your life, or you didn't really.

00:06:20.521 --> 00:06:22.026
I think I probably did, though.

00:06:22.026 --> 00:06:24.543
Yeah, Still very much.

00:06:24.543 --> 00:06:33.947
Yeah, like there was a portion of time, even where you know this is abstract, but I was very much like a vegetarian and it had so much more to do with like the animals and like the consumption of it.

00:06:35.290 --> 00:06:45.701
And so I'm like, when I think about stuff like that, you know 15 years in high school and then, after being like absolutely not like these, you know like they need us to protect them, or whatever.

00:06:45.701 --> 00:06:46.262
That is Like.

00:06:46.262 --> 00:06:54.048
I do identify with some of those things, so maybe it was just like a less healed eight is what was showing up in the last year.

00:06:54.608 --> 00:07:07.887
Yeah, like when I see some of those like rougher behaviors being identified as eights, because of course, like you said, people see theirs and they're like I was never just grossed out by mine, but I was like those rougher behaviors about being an eight.

00:07:07.887 --> 00:07:12.802
I don't necessarily feel that kind of like conflict in myself innately.

00:07:13.384 --> 00:07:33.403
Yeah, okay, like you don't see it as much Do you see an intensity or like a desire to kind of move forward through life, whether that, yeah, that hasn't left, yeah, that's still an eight, yeah, so I mean, the biggest difference between a three, threes and eights have like a lot of similarities.

00:07:33.403 --> 00:07:49.129
For sure I would say eights care a lot more about being who they really are and their authentic selves and they're not afraid of, like if that upsets someone or if that you know, that kind of thing, whereas a three will kind of shape, shift to who they need to be in a moment.

00:07:49.129 --> 00:07:52.964
An eight may see that as like fake, kind of yeah, then.

00:07:53.004 --> 00:07:53.666
I would be an eight.

00:07:54.088 --> 00:07:54.307
Yeah.

00:07:54.709 --> 00:07:55.209
In that case.

00:07:55.511 --> 00:08:00.196
But they're both like goal setters and go-getters and achievers, so like there is similarity.

00:08:00.196 --> 00:08:05.651
But I think innately the three is kind of afraid to be who they really are, where that eight really isn't.

00:08:06.500 --> 00:08:13.928
Well and like, the more I get away from that specific experience, the more I become very like, untouchable.

00:08:13.928 --> 00:08:19.795
As far as like I really, if if for some reason you think you don't like me, I'm going to help you get there faster.

00:08:19.795 --> 00:08:24.490
I don't, I'm not going to like, beg you to like, right, totally Okay.

00:08:24.490 --> 00:08:25.391
Yeah, I don't.

00:08:25.391 --> 00:08:27.310
I don't want to shape shift at all, like if.

00:08:27.310 --> 00:08:31.432
If that's the thing in question, I'm not going to balance it to make someone else feel good.

00:08:31.432 --> 00:08:38.201
I might like actually inflame it just a little so that you know I'm not for you, cause I definitely don't want people around me that aren't for me.

00:08:38.761 --> 00:08:41.105
Yeah, and that maybe gets to their.

00:08:41.105 --> 00:08:45.813
The biggest fear is that they'll be betrayed by others and so like.

00:08:45.813 --> 00:08:58.493
Sometimes that can look like someone not taking you for who you for who you are right, like kind of leaving you, not not being for you, like betrayal for an eight can look like a lot of different things.

00:08:58.493 --> 00:09:05.130
It's not just how we kind of envision a betrayal, it's kind of how you interpret betrayal okay so.

00:09:05.331 --> 00:09:08.245
So an eight, I'm an eight you tell me.

00:09:08.284 --> 00:09:14.589
You tell me yeah, but you know I go through sessions for like a long time with people, so it's it's okay to also not be settled.

00:09:14.589 --> 00:09:24.861
You know, and I know it's like not fun all the time to not feel sure, but it is very normal well, it sort of does, I notice, depend on who, because I follow a few enneagram coaches.

00:09:24.773 --> 00:09:25.349
It sort of does depend on who depend on who, because I follow a few Enneagram coaches.

00:09:25.349 --> 00:09:28.734
It sort of does depend on who's saying, because some of them go more for like.

00:09:28.734 --> 00:09:36.888
They're obviously less coaching and they're more for like, humor and impact and like the typical Instagram sort of.

00:09:36.888 --> 00:09:39.644
I won't name any of them, but it's more like for that kind of stuff.

00:09:39.644 --> 00:09:45.730
Or you see the ones like what kind of, what flavor coffee are you based on your Instagram versus like, actual coaching.

00:09:45.730 --> 00:09:47.653
That has to do with mindset and motivation.

00:09:47.940 --> 00:09:52.250
It's very hard to type yourself through Instagram because you can be swayed anyway.

00:09:52.250 --> 00:09:53.332
A hundred percent.

00:09:53.679 --> 00:09:58.211
So sometimes I see some of those things and I'm just like You're like that's not me.

00:09:59.260 --> 00:10:05.030
We send them back and forth to each other and I'm like this really does sound like you.

00:10:05.072 --> 00:10:10.051
Yeah, the one you sent me the other day was like I just do whatever I want for me and I was like, wait, I don't do whatever I want.

00:10:10.051 --> 00:10:15.893
But I could see how for somebody from the outside it looks like I guess I just do whatever I want.

00:10:15.893 --> 00:10:19.384
Hardly like that inflammatory.

00:10:19.384 --> 00:10:24.975
I just don't do what other people want me to do yeah, right this is kind of the time.

00:10:25.537 --> 00:10:26.700
Yeah, it's a good thing.

00:10:26.720 --> 00:10:32.253
Yeah, it's, it's definitely that's like an eighth thing, like don't control me, like they.

00:10:32.253 --> 00:10:40.441
You know, a lot of the interpretation of an eight is like they're very controlling, which when they're unhealthy they can be, but it's actually I just don't want to be controlled by anyone else.

00:10:41.168 --> 00:10:45.317
Yeah, so that is what I specific where people paint the picture Like.

00:10:45.317 --> 00:10:47.221
Where people paint the picture like, I want to control.

00:10:47.221 --> 00:10:48.462
That's the opposite.

00:10:48.462 --> 00:10:50.275
Yeah, I don't want to control anyone.

00:10:50.275 --> 00:10:52.615
I actually would love it if everyone could just do their job.

00:10:52.615 --> 00:10:54.561
Great yeah, ideal.

00:10:54.561 --> 00:10:59.748
But like, what I definitely don't want is to be controlled by anybody else.

00:11:00.009 --> 00:11:01.414
Yeah, that sounds very eight to me.

00:11:02.116 --> 00:11:05.197
Okay, but I don't have this intense need for control.

00:11:05.197 --> 00:11:10.255
I can give it up Like if you've got it, you've got it, I won't even think I will attest to that.

00:11:10.892 --> 00:11:11.844
You're like that with me.

00:11:11.844 --> 00:11:13.631
Yeah, that's very eight to me.

00:11:13.952 --> 00:11:16.618
Yeah, okay, perfect, I get to keep my Enneagram.

00:11:16.738 --> 00:11:18.120
Okay.

00:11:18.400 --> 00:11:18.761
Jenny.

00:11:19.263 --> 00:11:20.043
Yes, jenny, what are?

00:11:20.063 --> 00:11:20.163
you.

00:11:21.291 --> 00:11:25.917
So I'm a two, okay, and again, this is a fairly new concept to me.

00:11:25.937 --> 00:11:35.855
I mean, rebecca, I mean she told me about this, what Like it was five or six months ago I was going to say six, I think in March like there was an episode, it was with Tina.

00:11:35.855 --> 00:11:38.091
It was with Tina and you.

00:11:38.091 --> 00:11:43.643
The specific thing she said was that she had said like three times this thing about can I share this?

00:11:43.643 --> 00:11:48.902
Like feeling lonely, like hearing alone, and she was likening it to motherhood.

00:11:48.902 --> 00:12:04.477
And so I had this moment where I was like I wonder if you were like a two, like I think the way that you feel alone is different than the, like I can tell that that's like a very big feeling for her and I was like I don't feel that, like I don't.

00:12:04.477 --> 00:12:19.567
I do feel like motherhood is one of the loneliest, most isolating things, but I could tell just by watching her that the way she felt that emotion was deeper than the way that I felt it and I was like that's something that separates you, like that's different for you.

00:12:21.347 --> 00:12:21.849
Yeah, I would say.

00:12:21.849 --> 00:12:21.989
So.

00:12:21.989 --> 00:12:25.533
What did you really resonate with?

00:12:25.533 --> 00:12:39.941
I think for me, like the things that I've seen, and again you're going back to just Instagram and like reading, kind of like your profile it's more about the helping the people, pleasing, the doing all the things not being seen.

00:12:39.941 --> 00:12:46.157
You know that feeling that, but I mean, mine feels fairly dead on.

00:12:46.157 --> 00:12:49.176
I haven't read anything that I'm like, oh, that doesn't really sound like me.

00:12:49.176 --> 00:12:53.581
I'm usually like, oh God, that really sounds good or bad.

00:12:54.350 --> 00:13:18.081
Yes, yes, totally, and every type has such great and beautiful qualities, and also some not as great qualities, not so great ones, yeah, but I think it's funny because Rebecca and I joked about this on one episode, that, like, I study the things that people say about AIDS because it helps me understand her better and things that you know.

00:13:18.081 --> 00:13:34.852
It's just, it's a relationship that we try to, you know, keep sacred and that we really try to understand our idiosyncrasies and how different we are, cause, again, like you know, I'm the people pleaser and she's just, like you know, like me or not, like I don't really give a shit, you know, kind of thing.

00:13:34.852 --> 00:13:40.130
So it's funny because we it's this yin and yang, like balance, that we have with each other.

00:13:40.130 --> 00:13:42.575
It's it's been really cool to learn about.

00:13:43.375 --> 00:13:48.163
Yeah, In our business, like, there's lots of things he's like well, and I'm like or not.

00:13:49.465 --> 00:13:52.730
Yeah, you're very good for each other, for sure, you can balance each other out.

00:13:52.730 --> 00:14:06.576
I mean, and I will say, like that is the thing about that pairing too, is you can balance each other out so well, but you can also push each other's buttons because you share a line, and what that means is eights go to two when they're like.

00:14:06.576 --> 00:14:07.559
They can pull from it.

00:14:07.559 --> 00:14:10.874
When they're in a healthy way, they can also pull from it in negative ways.

00:14:10.874 --> 00:14:15.563
And then a two will go to eight when they're really stressed and pull from it in that way.

00:14:15.563 --> 00:14:18.075
And also four, but mainly eight.

00:14:18.075 --> 00:14:28.720
And I always say the two needs an eight, they're eight line, because that is when they're like boundaries, no, being able to say no, feeling confident in it.

00:14:28.720 --> 00:14:42.076
Um, so it can also, it can also serve you, but then also it can kind of get too far right, like a two will be like people please, people, people pleasing, and then all of a sudden it's like right Cause, like that, eight comes out.

00:14:42.317 --> 00:14:51.876
So, uh, I'm not saying that's in your relationship, I'm just saying that it could be like that is really funny, like we literally had a text message going last night about boundaries.

00:14:51.876 --> 00:14:52.739
So that is hilarious.

00:14:52.739 --> 00:15:02.272
Yeah, your timing, yes, so what makes you and I know this is probably a bigger conversation so what makes you be a certain type Like what is?

00:15:02.272 --> 00:15:03.618
Where does that stem from?

00:15:04.389 --> 00:15:15.303
I mean there's a lot of different beliefs, like kind of depending where you find it, but I think the main one I personally have kind of honed in on is that it's nature and nurture.

00:15:15.303 --> 00:15:23.174
I think that you are like born into a type, but I think how you're raised really kind of makes that come out.

00:15:23.174 --> 00:15:29.327
And then there's teachers who will say, at the age of three, your personality is like set Um.

00:15:29.928 --> 00:15:58.720
So I don't know, I like to believe that it's like innate and I think it is Um, and the belief for sure that everyone agrees on is that your type doesn't change throughout your entire life and your behaviors do, like I said, but not your type, and so that just kind of to me shows that it's kind of already there, um, but yeah, so I think, like if you grew up in a family where let's just say you're, you're a one and you're very, which means you're very, you know right and wrong good and bad I'm married to a one.

00:15:59.019 --> 00:16:02.092
Okay, great, yeah, so you know black and white neighbors.

00:16:02.092 --> 00:16:03.416
Yeah, they're going to be a rule follower.

00:16:03.416 --> 00:16:13.602
It doesn't necessarily mean how they parented, made them, made them that way, right, like you can parent a one and be like you need to chill out Like you're so yeah, I'll say that a lot.

00:16:14.389 --> 00:16:24.972
Yeah, like, but it's, you can see it in them, like even as little kids you can kind of see sometimes like oh, they really care about things being in order, or like you know, that doesn't mean necessarily that's their type, but you get what I'm saying.

00:16:24.972 --> 00:16:29.058
Like, there are things you can see at a very young age sometimes.

00:16:29.058 --> 00:16:34.231
So that's kind of where I stand, but I think you may get a different argument elsewhere.

00:16:34.572 --> 00:16:36.717
So that's so cool.

00:16:36.717 --> 00:16:51.013
So for our listeners, since obviously you're going to have everybody different numbers, can you just do like a high level little descriptive of each number so people can at least be curious and like dig in if they're, if they've?

00:16:51.052 --> 00:16:51.936
taken a test already.

00:16:51.936 --> 00:16:53.780
Yeah, I'll give you a very, very high level.

00:16:53.780 --> 00:16:59.251
And then you need to probably go and look at every single one of them and their core motivations is what we call it.

00:16:59.251 --> 00:17:01.239
So you have four.

00:17:01.239 --> 00:17:02.744
Uh, every type has four.

00:17:02.744 --> 00:17:08.233
So if you're one, you have four core core motivations to core, four core motivations, okay.

00:17:08.233 --> 00:17:10.496
So what those are?

00:17:10.496 --> 00:17:11.497
I'll just tell you what those are.

00:17:11.897 --> 00:17:14.119
A core motivation is made up of four things.

00:17:14.119 --> 00:17:15.260
So your core fear.

00:17:15.260 --> 00:17:19.065
So what is the thing that I'm trying to always get away from?

00:17:19.065 --> 00:17:20.906
I don't like want in my life?

00:17:20.906 --> 00:17:23.965
It's a trigger thing for me.

00:17:23.965 --> 00:17:25.955
Fears, okay, the next one's core desire.

00:17:25.955 --> 00:17:30.932
Fears, okay, the next one's core desire.

00:17:30.932 --> 00:17:31.372
And that is what do I?

00:17:31.372 --> 00:17:33.435
Am I always trying to gain or look for or need more of in my life?

00:17:33.435 --> 00:17:40.173
Then there's a core weakness which is, like I say, like the main theme if you're in your life.

00:17:40.173 --> 00:17:53.874
So okay, for one, it's resentment, which means like is this, if you look kind of back on your life, this has been a theme for me, and it doesn't mean you don't have any of the other nine themes, okay, it just means like this is the main song.

00:17:53.874 --> 00:18:07.844
And then your core longing, which is what did your little kid heart and brain need to hear from your parents or your caregivers or teachers, coaches and kind of, what do you still need to hear as an adult?

00:18:07.844 --> 00:18:10.211
Um, so those are what make up each type.

00:18:10.211 --> 00:18:14.211
So I cannot we don't have to go through all of those for the nine, but I'll just give you a high level.

00:18:14.211 --> 00:18:17.297
What, um, each type is like?

00:18:17.337 --> 00:18:20.163
The one is the moral perfectionist.

00:18:20.163 --> 00:18:26.510
So a lot of people pin them as this, like perfectionistic, perfect organization type, and they definitely can be.

00:18:26.510 --> 00:18:28.413
But I've actually seen some messy ones.

00:18:28.413 --> 00:18:33.061
So it's really that they're moral perfectionists.

00:18:33.061 --> 00:18:35.531
So I'm good and bad, right and wrong.

00:18:35.531 --> 00:18:37.877
They're very justice oriented.

00:18:37.877 --> 00:18:39.561
They are black and white thinkers.

00:18:39.561 --> 00:18:41.471
They have a hard time in that gray area.

00:18:41.471 --> 00:18:44.396
They are very critical of themselves and others.

00:18:44.396 --> 00:18:46.058
They can be judgmental.

00:18:46.058 --> 00:18:55.057
They're really, really committed to people, can be very relational, very responsible, all those things.

00:18:55.057 --> 00:18:57.883
Twos are the befriender.

00:18:57.883 --> 00:18:59.354
I like that's the name I use.

00:18:59.354 --> 00:19:03.811
There's many names you'll find and that is just like they're going to be very warm and friendly.

00:19:04.614 --> 00:19:09.481
Usually outgoing types really care about others.

00:19:09.481 --> 00:19:13.276
I mean, if you ask the two, they'll say like relationships are just always on their mind.

00:19:13.276 --> 00:19:17.393
Uh, they can also be kind of manipulative, possessive.

00:19:17.393 --> 00:19:28.036
On the other end of it, um, when they're not taking as well yes and yeah because they want.

00:19:28.036 --> 00:19:34.875
They have a desire and a want to need love and affirmation and feeling wanted by others.

00:19:34.875 --> 00:19:53.538
So they can kind of do like a give to get scenario where it's like I'm going to shower you with love because I need you to tell me how much you love me back, or appreciation when they're unhealthy, or they don't always see it like a hidden motivation but ultimately they are like very caring and loving when they're like feeling full inside.

00:19:53.538 --> 00:19:54.700
Um.

00:19:55.181 --> 00:19:56.743
Threes are achievers.

00:19:56.743 --> 00:20:06.656
So they're going to be like very successful, um, success driven, I would say high achievers, like I want to win, I want to be the best at everything, very competitive.

00:20:06.656 --> 00:20:10.644
They also usually kind of care how they're seen and their image.

00:20:10.644 --> 00:20:26.242
They're very image focused and so they want others to know that about themselves or know that about them Like they're successful they're, they're someone I admire and that kind of leads them to hide a lot of who they really are.

00:20:26.242 --> 00:20:28.538
So they just want to be this like polished persona.

00:20:30.650 --> 00:20:37.823
Fours they are the individualist or the romantic and they're very creative types.

00:20:37.823 --> 00:20:43.942
They love all things, beauty and they are really good creators of beauty.

00:20:43.942 --> 00:20:44.403
I would say.

00:20:44.403 --> 00:20:48.638
On the flip side, they can be really struggle with like envy.

00:20:48.638 --> 00:20:55.750
They always feel like something's kind of missing in them and so they are trying to like compare themselves.

00:20:55.750 --> 00:21:08.999
They can be sometimes like a self-sabotager, if you will like, in their own minds, of comparing themselves to others and making themselves feel bad because they feel like everyone else has something they don't.

00:21:08.999 --> 00:21:16.624
They also love to be like unique and stand out special, and then they're also going to be like their most authentic selves.

00:21:16.624 --> 00:21:23.551
So very emotional types they're like if I'm really sad, you're going to know it, and if I'm really happy, you're going to know it.

00:21:23.551 --> 00:21:27.915
So they have all the wide range of emotions, I think one of my kids might be a four.

00:21:29.611 --> 00:21:31.634
Yeah, and that might be hard for Nate.

00:21:31.935 --> 00:21:34.099
No that's fine.

00:21:35.261 --> 00:21:39.142
It's a good balance, but I'm like there are things that I see where I'm like.

00:21:39.142 --> 00:21:44.300
I mean I was going to ask you like if you can actually like type a kid, but there are things that I see where I'm like.

00:21:44.300 --> 00:21:52.156
I want to respect that because I understand that that's important to you and I, you know I want.

00:21:52.156 --> 00:21:55.049
Of course, we all especially I feel like our age parenting.

00:21:55.049 --> 00:22:02.443
We're like very aware of like how we impact our kids more than I think, previous generations.

00:22:02.443 --> 00:22:04.594
I think we're really thoughtful about like.

00:22:04.594 --> 00:22:15.063
Is that a behavior I should temper because it's just like a maybe like an emotional maturity behavior, or is it actually like a core or innate need?

00:22:15.063 --> 00:22:20.701
But I have a person in my house that sounds very much like that in some ways.

00:22:21.529 --> 00:22:25.781
Yeah, and like I said, I think there are types you can see very early on and it's very loud.

00:22:25.781 --> 00:22:33.262
And then I think it's some are very subtle and I just say, like, just wait until they're older, like you can assume in your head.

00:22:33.262 --> 00:22:39.151
Okay, if you think, therefore, like maybe you start trying to learn about parenting before, um, but don't tell that to them.

00:22:39.211 --> 00:22:53.862
You know, like I have no intention, I have this feeling where I'm like some of that stuff, like the, a need for like perfection and like some of those in the, an intensely creative but like which I'm a creative, but it's in a different way, and like very emotional.

00:22:53.862 --> 00:22:59.422
But that's like highs and lows and like is it manic or is it just like, is that the depth that?

00:22:59.422 --> 00:23:04.646
Because I get the impression when I watch her that that's the depth that she actually feels things at.

00:23:04.646 --> 00:23:14.253
So I'm like, well, I don't want to squash that and be like no emotions Because we're trying to have like an emotionally mature house, but I'm like that looks different than the way I feel it.

00:23:14.474 --> 00:23:15.898
That's really interesting.

00:23:16.461 --> 00:23:27.761
Yeah, it's tricky with fours because they do feel so deeply and I think it's important to affirm that, but also they do need to be pulled out of it sometimes, yeah, and I think it's hard to figure out how to do that sometimes.

00:23:27.801 --> 00:23:30.093
Well, I think it's hard to figure out how to do that.

00:23:30.093 --> 00:23:35.913
Well, I think the one thing that I think of is like she's extremely talented, but if she doubts it for even a second, she will be destructive.

00:23:35.913 --> 00:23:42.631
Just to prove that she was right about being wrong, I'm like no, but you actually are still talented.

00:23:42.631 --> 00:23:45.556
I don't know why you used to that Like, but it's.

00:23:45.556 --> 00:23:45.796
But.

00:23:45.796 --> 00:23:47.980
That's so interesting to me hearing that.

00:23:48.461 --> 00:23:51.365
Yes, yes, yeah, Okay.

00:23:51.365 --> 00:24:03.057
Fives are investigators, so they're very cerebral, very big thinkers, want to figure out and know things, so knowledge is power to them.

00:24:03.057 --> 00:24:14.439
Like big researchers, very curious people like ask great questions, thoughtful, very, very much, have a strong need for isolation and recharging.

00:24:14.439 --> 00:24:16.790
So it's a little beyond like introvert.

00:24:16.790 --> 00:24:21.843
It's like I literally need this alone time to feel like I can survive in the world.

00:24:21.843 --> 00:24:25.578
And if you know that about them, you can respect it.

00:24:25.578 --> 00:24:37.559
But sometimes it's interpreted as If you know that about them, you can respect it, but sometimes it's interpreted as you know I don't like you or you know it could just be taken the wrong way.

00:24:37.559 --> 00:24:41.509
I guess when they're healthy though, they're willing to totally engage with people and be very social.

00:24:41.509 --> 00:24:45.327
It just takes them a lot to to recharge from that.

00:24:45.327 --> 00:24:48.296
Sixes are our loyalist and they are kind of our more anxious types on the Enneagram.

00:24:48.296 --> 00:24:53.660
So very what if thinkers we like to say they have this like internal committee.

00:24:53.660 --> 00:24:59.682
If you've seen inside out, it's like all these little voices kind of like what is this happened, what about this or did you think about this?

00:24:59.682 --> 00:25:07.638
And that can make them amazing planners, amazing like team players, really good at like foreseeing what could happen.

00:25:07.638 --> 00:25:16.314
But when they're not doing well, it can cause a lot of anxiety internally and that can make them doubt themselves and kind of, you know, go into that more anxious mode.

00:25:16.314 --> 00:25:26.353
But they're very loyal, committed to others, very like friend, relationship oriented, kind of like a two, but that kind of sets them apart in that way.

00:25:26.353 --> 00:25:26.654
Which is that?

00:25:26.654 --> 00:25:28.369
What if fear thinking apart in that way, which is that, what if you're thinking?

00:25:30.093 --> 00:25:30.493
under that?

00:25:30.493 --> 00:25:30.974
What if?

00:25:32.217 --> 00:25:33.098
what is the desire?

00:25:33.098 --> 00:25:35.702
Yeah, like they want security and safety.

00:25:35.702 --> 00:25:37.255
Sorry, thank you actually for saying that that helps.

00:25:37.255 --> 00:25:41.693
Uh, yeah, they want security and safety and that can mean like emotional once you say it.

00:25:41.773 --> 00:25:47.037
But when you were just talking about the what else, I was like, well, when it drives that, yeah, but it's only because I don't.

00:25:47.037 --> 00:25:48.922
I don't relate to that so much.

00:25:48.922 --> 00:25:53.099
I'm like I need help understanding what cause security and safety I can relate to.

00:25:53.099 --> 00:25:55.855
Yeah, that's a different way of getting there.

00:25:56.317 --> 00:26:00.520
Yes, safety and security, biggest, most like desired piece for them.

00:26:00.520 --> 00:26:11.330
So there's a flip side to sixes that no other type has and they have.

00:26:11.330 --> 00:26:13.659
So they have a phobic side which is I run from my fear, so like if it's something scary, like I'm out.

00:26:13.659 --> 00:26:41.839
There's a counter phobic side and this actually can make them mistype as eights or look like eights, because what they do is I'm afraid of this, now I'm going to attack it, so like I'm afraid of bungee jumping, I'm gonna go bungee jumping, like whatever that is like, and so they actually look like an eight because their fear isn't as loud and they approach it towards the like, going at it, um, but they still experience those motivations that I was talking about, same kind of safety and security which would distinguish them from being an eight.

00:26:41.839 --> 00:26:43.451
Um, yeah.

00:26:43.671 --> 00:26:47.642
So then sevens are kind of the type that everyone's like oh, that sounds so great to me.

00:26:47.642 --> 00:26:55.160
Uh, they're the entertainer, they're like life of the party, so they can be introverted, but they are life of the party or fun.

00:26:55.160 --> 00:27:08.098
They're always searching for fun, adventure, something new, something exciting, something that's going to stimulate them, because they kind of feel like, oh, I just don't ever have enough Like, and they don't want to feel that emptiness ever.

00:27:08.098 --> 00:27:10.868
Oh, I just don't ever have enough Like, and they don't want to feel that emptiness ever.

00:27:10.868 --> 00:27:14.655
And so that's if you pictured them just like, filling it with experiences and fun and positive, no negative things.

00:27:14.655 --> 00:27:25.795
So they avoid emotional pain and all these things, so they may not feel that emptiness, cause they're always filling it, but they always seem like that upbeat, excited, excited person.

00:27:27.037 --> 00:27:29.500
And then eights are our challengers.

00:27:29.500 --> 00:27:34.076
Again, there's lots of names, but they're going to be the most intense type.

00:27:34.076 --> 00:27:41.558
They can be very loud presence a lot of times and that can be a beautiful leadership thing for them or it can be abused.

00:27:41.558 --> 00:27:55.258
And they, I think, like I said earlier, they they care about control in the sense of don't want others to control them, but they don't always have to be in control, but they're also willing to step in to the control piece very confidently.

00:27:55.258 --> 00:27:57.915
Yeah, usually our most confident types.

00:27:57.915 --> 00:28:01.369
They are afraid most of being betrayed by others.

00:28:01.369 --> 00:28:27.321
So they actually keep a very tight inner circle of protected like people and it's not very big, usually they're friendly, it doesn't mean they don't very so they can be super social, but it's just like these are my people and I'll do whatever for them like, I will go to bat for them um, and they expect that in return as well, yeah, so that still sounds like you, yeah oh, for sure

00:28:27.442 --> 00:28:28.285
okay I don't know.

00:28:28.384 --> 00:28:51.517
I mean, I was like I'm thinking through the fear, desire, motivation, yes, um, it's interesting yeah, and I have like a pamphlet too, of all the specific ones, like the four core motivations of each that I'm not fully like thoroughly talking through right now, um, um, to look through, which I tell people that's actually the best way to type is read through those.

00:28:52.298 --> 00:29:03.057
Um, okay, last layer is basically just the that you want someone else to be able to do that for you, Right Like as an MDLs, to protect you or to like yes.

00:29:03.498 --> 00:29:05.402
Uh, I think it's it's more.

00:29:05.402 --> 00:29:09.500
It's more so, like I, the desire is to protect people in their inner circle.

00:29:09.500 --> 00:29:13.280
So for them it's their own protection.

00:29:13.280 --> 00:29:18.829
I think, yes, they do want others to be protected, but I think the protected piece they're very autonomous.

00:29:18.829 --> 00:29:22.000
So it's not like I need you to help, I need you to protect me.

00:29:22.000 --> 00:29:25.780
Maybe at times, but it's very much, I will be the protector.

00:29:25.780 --> 00:29:36.113
And I think I mean, yes, they do need someone to say like let me step in here, definitely, uh, but I think for them it's actually more like I just don't want to.

00:29:36.113 --> 00:29:58.653
You know, I don't want anyone to challenge my um safety, my safety, kind of, in a way yes, I don't know that all eights would say safety as a word, kind of in a way, yes, I don't know that all eights would say safety as a word, um, but yes, it's very much like don't hurt, me or my people, and so I think that's more the desire than like needing a protector themselves.

00:29:59.074 --> 00:29:59.914
Okay, does that make sense?

00:29:59.914 --> 00:30:01.699
Yes, yeah, okay.

00:30:01.699 --> 00:30:07.959
So nines are peacemakers and they are our most like chill person on the enneagram.

00:30:07.959 --> 00:30:11.374
In a lot of ways, they really want inner peace and outer peace.

00:30:11.374 --> 00:30:17.011
So because of that, they will avoid conflict at all costs, um, especially when they're unhealthy.

00:30:17.011 --> 00:30:21.071
Obviously, when all these types are healthy they can do different things, like we've talked about.

00:30:21.071 --> 00:30:28.778
But uh, this is kind of the third thing they struggle with is that entering conflict when they need to or just being in tension with anyone.

00:30:28.778 --> 00:30:34.469
So they will very much protect that piece and get along or go along to get along.

00:30:34.469 --> 00:30:48.278
They're very easygoing, warm, friendly, because they don't want to stir that pot, but they're like, very kind, very relationship oriented, and they, when they're healthy, they do step into conflict, but it's just very hard for them.

00:30:48.278 --> 00:30:49.480
It takes a lot of energy.

00:30:49.480 --> 00:30:52.566
So those are all nine types.

00:30:52.566 --> 00:30:56.073
I know it was brief, but we could talk about it for a long time.

00:30:56.192 --> 00:31:00.192
So I know I'm already sitting here thinking I'm like we've got to have her back.

00:31:02.435 --> 00:31:04.079
I know the Enneagram is like a lot.

00:31:04.079 --> 00:31:04.942
It's very complex.

00:31:04.942 --> 00:31:05.844
There's so many layers.

00:31:08.410 --> 00:31:10.955
So I know that's why we love it, because that's how we are yes, exactly.

00:31:10.955 --> 00:31:30.953
So I've read a few things that are like and you touched on this in the beginning that are very much like don't just take an online quiz and of course, we're going to drop one just as a brief like intro, but like I think there's a lot to be said about like engaging in the next part as far as like identifying with a coach like you and then like figuring out what that like really means.

00:31:30.953 --> 00:31:32.959
I mean, like what does that look like?

00:31:32.959 --> 00:31:36.557
Like if somebody were to reach out to you and they were to look to coaching, like how does that?

00:31:36.557 --> 00:31:37.820
What does that look like?

00:31:37.820 --> 00:31:38.250
What would you do?

00:31:38.270 --> 00:31:38.932
What do you do?

00:31:39.073 --> 00:31:39.353
really.

00:31:39.374 --> 00:31:39.914
What do you?

00:31:39.954 --> 00:31:40.596
coach through.

00:31:41.117 --> 00:31:41.397
Yeah.

00:31:41.479 --> 00:31:44.873
So discover, which is that is, discovering your type.

00:31:44.873 --> 00:31:58.153
It's really is like I say, the Enneagram is a journey and let it be that because we just want to quick like this, so I am, and sometimes that does happen for people For me it personally didn't, and a lot of people it doesn't but so with discover, I'm taking you through all those nine types.

00:31:58.153 --> 00:32:03.837
We're kind of giving them an interview, if you will, of like who, like, does this sound like you, just as.

00:32:03.837 --> 00:32:09.132
Does this sound new and I'm very much Like, does this sound new and I'm very much.

00:32:09.152 --> 00:32:19.290
I think the difference with a coach and a test is like, I'm talking to you as a person about your life experiences and how these motivations have played a part throughout your experiences and life journey, versus like, I think I'm like this a lot of times.

00:32:19.290 --> 00:32:28.663
Answer the question right and again, that maybe is very obvious for you, but our motivations are like, not always as seen as behavior.

00:32:28.663 --> 00:32:32.394
We could have a motivation to do something right.

00:32:32.394 --> 00:32:41.862
That's interpreted as oh, they seem like they really want to be loved right as a two, but really their motivation is they just want to do what's right, which is a one.

00:32:41.862 --> 00:32:43.233
Does that make sense?

00:32:43.273 --> 00:32:44.641
Like, so there is a distinction.

00:32:44.641 --> 00:32:50.278
Distinction there just because you see someone helping doesn't mean they're a helper type, I guess.

00:32:50.278 --> 00:32:55.539
Yeah, Right, yeah, so Discover is very much me walking you through those things.

00:32:55.539 --> 00:33:06.542
And there's so many layers, like I said, not just the motivations, but there's conflict styles, there's communication styles, there's what we call triads and stances, like so many things.

00:33:06.542 --> 00:33:13.500
So I would kind of take people through that and usually we do it like one to three sessions, depending on how long it takes.

00:33:13.790 --> 00:33:16.435
I was going to say this sounds like therapy.

00:33:16.435 --> 00:33:19.623
I was thinking about how you feel about conflict.

00:33:19.623 --> 00:33:25.877
Yeah, totally, I mean, these conversations get like really intense, right?

00:33:25.877 --> 00:33:26.618
Depending on?

00:33:26.618 --> 00:33:28.963
Depending on what the Enneagram is.

00:33:28.963 --> 00:33:33.442
Do you find that you have an idea of who they are long before they arrive there?

00:33:34.971 --> 00:33:36.595
I think I do a lot of times.

00:33:36.595 --> 00:33:42.867
Um, of course I have been wrong, uh, but I also, when I feel like I'm wrong, is cause I feel like that person really doesn't know.

00:33:42.867 --> 00:33:44.111
Does that make sense?

00:33:44.111 --> 00:33:48.394
So they're giving me this answer and then this answer and like none of it's flowing.

00:33:48.394 --> 00:33:54.579
And obviously we are complicated humans and, like I said, I've been there where I thought my motivations was one versus the other.

00:33:54.579 --> 00:33:55.280
So I get it.

00:33:55.280 --> 00:34:39.351
It's not like a judgment, it's just that I think it's harder to coach one who has no idea who they are or where they're coming from, no-transcript of grow, where it kind of take you through a deep dive into your type and we kind of work on your goals as well.

00:34:39.351 --> 00:34:55.889
So someone will usually come in with like I really need to work on my communication or I really want to work on, like, how I handle my stress, and so, as we're coaching and learning about your type, I take them through kind of strategies they can implement to help that goal as well, this really is like therapy in some ways.

00:34:56.010 --> 00:35:11.695
It's more like how do you take this innate personality piece and then like become more aware and then also like identify key ways that you can have a whether it's like a healthier impact on your work or your family, or like just as an individual in the world?

00:35:12.297 --> 00:35:14.871
I feel like it sounds like customized therapy because you think about it.

00:35:14.871 --> 00:35:21.177
I mean, Becca, we've talked about this, We've gone to therapy and I feel like they give you kind of cookie cutter solutions.

00:35:21.177 --> 00:35:31.277
It's like you know, do this, but I like what you're doing because it's like this is who you are, Jenny, Rebecca, so this is how we need to work through this, so I love that.

00:35:31.498 --> 00:35:38.885
Yeah, Some people describe therapy as like you're kind of going back and trying to process right and how it applies to forward, Whereas I feel like coaching is very much.

00:35:38.885 --> 00:35:40.907
Where are we now and how can we move forward?

00:35:40.907 --> 00:35:48.416
We like reflect a little bit, but I'm not licensed to go into like trauma or anything like that, so I definitely don't market myself that way.

00:35:48.416 --> 00:35:54.974
Uh, but like we'll touch on things, of course of like I think my mom acted like this and that's why I hear this this way.

00:35:55.494 --> 00:36:09.784
Okay, Well, let's talk about that and then let's talk about how that, how we can move forward with it Um, which I think is different therapy like loosely, but I I know you like it because she said it's five sessions and that for you is exactly.

00:36:11.106 --> 00:36:12.289
It's like perfect.

00:36:12.630 --> 00:36:14.798
I can have this run in five sessions.

00:36:14.798 --> 00:36:18.617
There is a deep part of that person.

00:36:18.617 --> 00:36:25.438
It's like Ooh, actually that's for me, this little, this long journey, yeah.

00:36:25.458 --> 00:36:25.739
Yes.

00:36:26.230 --> 00:36:27.556
Doesn't fit my calendar.

00:36:27.556 --> 00:36:30.257
Yes, yes, and I'm not.

00:36:30.257 --> 00:36:31.451
I'm not dissing therapy.

00:36:31.451 --> 00:36:32.833
I think therapy is so important.

00:36:32.934 --> 00:36:40.193
No, no no, I know but this for her is very much like that just hit a major box.

00:36:40.193 --> 00:36:42.338
Yeah, I can make time for fun.

00:36:42.338 --> 00:36:42.539
Yeah.

00:36:42.800 --> 00:36:56.934
Well, I always say because I've been therapy as well and I think it gave me language to use in therapy because because there was sometimes in therapy I'm like I don't know, I'm here and then I'm here and and I felt like it helped me hone in on what I really wanted to tell them and how we could approach it and dig deeper in it.

00:36:56.934 --> 00:37:02.090
So I actually think they paired well really together, when, when you can use them.

00:37:02.291 --> 00:37:03.693
So I think to your point.

00:37:03.693 --> 00:37:34.778
There were things that when I was doing the discovery for my own self just years ago I mean, I actually we did my whole family and specifically my sister-in-laws, and I started off just trying to like better understand each other, because it's my brothers and their wives and like one of my sister-in-laws is a nine and she is the one that's like the family therapist, yeah, and every once in a while you'll hear her pipe up and I'm always like wait, wait, wait, I want to hear what Christina says yeah, because when they don't speak very much, but when they do, you should pay attention.

00:37:34.798 --> 00:37:35.864
Yeah.

00:37:36.125 --> 00:37:53.518
So like we would recognize, like some of these patterns, for sure, but, to your point, it definitely helped me identify some things that I couldn't articulate well so that I could bring them to my therapist and say like, hey, this feels like really intense for me.

00:37:53.518 --> 00:37:58.335
Yes, help, yes, for sure, but it was all very real.

00:37:59.478 --> 00:38:00.440
Yeah, it's.

00:38:00.440 --> 00:38:03.690
I think they're both very important, and for different reasons.

00:38:03.771 --> 00:38:12.918
So yeah, I love also, by the way, cause I think we should touch on this reason, so, yeah, I love also by the way, cause I think we should touch on this, so you have a podcast with your sister.

00:38:12.918 --> 00:38:14.420
Okay, tell me the name of the podcast again.

00:38:14.420 --> 00:38:17.693
It's called related, the podcast podcast.

00:38:17.693 --> 00:38:23.882
And yeah, you balance mental health with Enneagram right.

00:38:23.882 --> 00:38:25.592
Yes, part of the big like up.

00:38:25.592 --> 00:38:29.762
This is the global conversation on that yes, so exactly what.

00:38:29.809 --> 00:38:32.443
I'm passionate about both, but my sister's a licensed therapist.

00:38:32.744 --> 00:38:42.885
Okay, and I'm a licensed coach she's a five okay yeah and um, we she had struggle or she struggled finding her type.

00:38:42.885 --> 00:38:47.635
We thought she was maybe a one for a while and and it's just been back and forth for her, but we're pretty positive.

00:38:47.635 --> 00:39:24.541
She's five, um, but yeah, so she really knows her mental health stuff and can bring that in and we just kind of pair the two because they do relate so much and we're sisters, uh, and then we, yeah, we talk about like our, our life experience or just others like client life experiences and stories, and then we pick a topic and kind of deep dive into it, so whether it's like anxiety and how that shows up in each type, or, and then she kind of gives her perspective on what does anxiety look like for you know, scientifically even, or how does it show up in our body, and she gives her knowledge on that point.

00:39:24.541 --> 00:39:32.621
Um, yeah, so it's been super fun and we pick a topic and kind of both share expertise on both and that's great yeah.

00:39:32.722 --> 00:40:13.079
I'm like so proud that, like the world in general is just having these really big mental health discussions Like we were talking about this a few weeks ago, even with the Olympics but like I could not be more excited to see this conversation being linked to so many things, versus just like you need to be a stronger leader or you need to be more authoritative, or just miss identifications, without taking into account how people show up or who they are individually, and then, at the same time, like keeping them safe and like like we say a lot, like in their healthy sort of state of mind, whether it's their enneagram or even their role.

00:40:13.079 --> 00:40:15.387
I am, I couldn't be more.

00:40:15.387 --> 00:40:18.876
I feel like a Shania Twain, like kick the door open, like let's go, girls.

00:40:18.876 --> 00:40:20.822
I just love these big conversations.

00:40:20.822 --> 00:40:22.134
I think they're so important.

00:40:23.579 --> 00:40:24.824
Yeah, totally agree, it's.

00:40:24.824 --> 00:40:34.134
It's, yeah, especially in the Olympics, right, it's like the amount of pressure and I can't imagine how much it's about like mental health Keep coming out.

00:40:34.233 --> 00:40:58.201
I saw another thing last night about it's Tara, right, the track athlete, and then her Paralympic husband oh yeah, deeper yesterday, where they were talking about how is it four years ago in Olympic trials like something happened, like a screw fell out of one of his prosthetic legs and he like got up and it shattered right when the start gun went off so he like didn't get the chance to start.

00:40:58.201 --> 00:41:16.960
So there's this great picture, cause they're talking, we're all talking about how he really like celebrated her on the sides, but then somebody took it like four years ago it gave me chills and like she was on the sidelines like holding him and he was crushed and he was like there's a big difference between losing a race and not even being able to start it.

00:41:16.960 --> 00:41:24.775
And so you just get to like the more I get deeper into like their relationship journey and like the way they support each other, I mean I can't get over it.

00:41:24.775 --> 00:41:25.980
I like love it so much.

00:41:25.980 --> 00:41:28.186
You're for it.

00:41:28.186 --> 00:41:29.710
The big mental health conversation.

00:41:29.710 --> 00:41:32.135
I did a better job this year.

00:41:32.155 --> 00:41:38.112
Yeah, the athletes are being very honest and vulnerable, which is really cool.

00:41:39.155 --> 00:41:40.338
It's so incredible to me.

00:41:40.338 --> 00:41:42.463
Okay, so how new is the podcast?

00:41:44.030 --> 00:41:46.195
Oh gosh, I don't think it's been.

00:41:46.195 --> 00:41:50.130
It's probably been like six months to a year, I don't know exactly.

00:41:50.130 --> 00:41:53.376
Yeah, yeah, very early on.

00:41:53.376 --> 00:42:01.922
Yeah, just probably similar to you guys and figuring out our rhythm, as like new moms with kids and you know work and schedules.

00:42:01.922 --> 00:42:05.976
It's crazy, but we're having fun and it's something yeah, we both enjoy.

00:42:06.378 --> 00:42:07.159
Yes, it's a journey.

00:42:07.420 --> 00:42:09.043
Yeah, yes yes, how did you get?

00:42:09.369 --> 00:42:10.150
into this Kelsey.

00:42:10.992 --> 00:42:23.320
Enneagram, uh-huh, um, I actually was, uh, working in communications and I we had someone come in, an Enneagram coach come in and teach our group about the Enneagram.

00:42:23.320 --> 00:42:33.018
So do a workshop, which I also also do I didn't share, sorry, earlier but, um, and that was so crazy because I had heard about it and I was like, oh, this is fun.

00:42:33.018 --> 00:42:42.235
You know, like I think I'm this, whatever, and then didn't really think anything of it, uh, and then I went to his workshop and I felt like he explained it in such a different way.

00:42:42.235 --> 00:42:44.179
Uh, like we were talking earlier.

00:42:44.179 --> 00:42:58.980
You know, you just read a test you don't really know, and then when you hear it from someone who knows it really the ins and outs I was like, oh, and that's when I finally learned I was a six and it just was like a light bulb and I was like I want this guy's job while I was at my other work.

00:42:58.980 --> 00:43:01.117
It's so fun.

00:43:01.250 --> 00:43:08.121
It's like people and you get to like help teams, figure out like how can they work better together, communicate and also individually.

00:43:08.121 --> 00:43:17.498
So I just kind of like jumped in and during the pandemic, you know, everything was crazy and I took a course and got certified and I was like I'm doing this, so that is so cool.

00:43:17.498 --> 00:43:22.898
Yes, so it's been like four years now, I guess, but um, I love it, it's so fun.

00:43:22.898 --> 00:43:33.400
I love learning about people and personality and helping people move through the harder parts of you know us as humans, so I love the idea of bringing it to leadership teams.

00:43:33.440 --> 00:43:45.952
I just think there's something so cool about teaching everyone to respect one another and like their thought process and their own, like creative journey versus, like you know, we all did team building 10 years ago.

00:43:45.952 --> 00:43:48.798
20 years ago, that was a different kind of team building.

00:43:48.798 --> 00:43:51.715
Yeah, we've really grown.

00:43:51.715 --> 00:43:57.240
Yeah, now we're talking about respecting one another and like how each person comes to the table.

00:43:57.442 --> 00:43:57.681
Yes.

00:43:59.311 --> 00:44:07.264
So long gone are the days of like zip lines and like building weird cup pyramids and just yelling at each other and losing.

00:44:08.250 --> 00:44:09.554
A hundred percent yeah.

00:44:10.155 --> 00:44:12.561
Yeah, I've seen it really transform tees, which is cool.

00:44:12.561 --> 00:44:15.579
Yeah, I mean it really, gosh, we've come a long way.

00:44:16.250 --> 00:44:17.896
So you travel and do workshops.

00:44:19.130 --> 00:44:24.902
I only do them over Zoom currently just with the kind of like my life now, but I have traveled.

00:44:24.902 --> 00:44:26.572
I can.

00:44:26.572 --> 00:44:30.795
I guess is guess if I needed to, but ideally I do it over Zoom, just because it's.

00:44:31.077 --> 00:44:34.518
I have a quick question In the sisters, who's the older sister?

00:44:34.518 --> 00:44:35.713
My sister is.

00:44:36.074 --> 00:44:36.976
Caitlin is her name.

00:44:36.976 --> 00:44:38.914
Yeah, she's three years older than me.

00:44:40.139 --> 00:44:40.360
Okay.

00:44:40.360 --> 00:44:42.659
And then so you said you both have young kids.

00:44:42.659 --> 00:44:44.244
Yeah, she has two, I have one.

00:44:44.244 --> 00:44:46.554
Okay, how young are they?

00:44:53.858 --> 00:44:56.369
Mine is 16 months and hers is four and nine months.

00:44:56.369 --> 00:45:04.376
Can we just talk for five seconds about how incredible the journey of motherhood and business owner and then like there's.

00:45:04.376 --> 00:45:07.762
I mean I respect all entrepreneurs and business owners.

00:45:07.762 --> 00:45:13.922
I respect people who work and who don't work, but I do feel like we feel on the same level as you.

00:45:13.922 --> 00:45:22.583
This fills your cup, but also it really is kind of amazing how many things like we balance.

00:45:23.349 --> 00:45:24.773
Oh my gosh, it's crazy.

00:45:24.773 --> 00:45:36.833
I mean working moms, I mean even moms who stay at home, like I'm at home not working a little more than I am working, but regardless, like the balance, the mental, and I have one.

00:45:36.833 --> 00:45:44.572
So I'm like, yeah, there's no balance, the mental load, yeah, and you guys have how many?

00:45:45.293 --> 00:45:51.175
I have one, jenny has one and I have two, and so it's like we get it Like it just is.

00:45:51.175 --> 00:45:59.315
There are times where, even in the summer, we would be like, hey, we have this little slot on a Saturday, let's go, let's do our family live.

00:45:59.315 --> 00:46:04.612
But we have to meet somewhere in this like three hour pocket and we like make it, you make it happen.

00:46:04.612 --> 00:46:11.284
And then I can't imagine us sisters, because we're friends and actually we started off not knowing each other really well.

00:46:11.284 --> 00:46:14.840
So we have been on this like peeling back the layers journey together.

00:46:14.840 --> 00:46:25.152
Our kids went to the same preschool and that's about like the extent that we knew of each other Started an off-topic conversation in the fall and then it built out to this, naturally.

00:46:25.373 --> 00:46:27.195
Wow, here we are.

00:46:27.195 --> 00:46:29.557
Yeah, there's nothing more bonding than being a mom, though.

00:46:30.139 --> 00:46:30.760
No, I know.

00:46:30.760 --> 00:46:38.052
And then you're like navigating technology challenges oh my gosh, like we're an RIT guy.

00:46:38.052 --> 00:46:41.679
But then we have these other things, like I'm sure the same thing happens to you.

00:46:41.679 --> 00:46:44.003
We're like quick, make this time for the podcast.

00:46:44.003 --> 00:46:45.465
We say we're going to get in 40 minutes.

00:46:45.465 --> 00:46:46.525
It ends up being an hour.

00:46:46.525 --> 00:46:55.407
Then we end up for half an hour after and we get to like sort of really like be relative to each other for 30 intense minutes and we run back to like the family life.

00:46:55.407 --> 00:47:04.152
I can't imagine how, like nice that is for sisters, or like because you are ships in the night, even though you have all of these things you own together.

00:47:04.172 --> 00:47:05.936
It's so strange.

00:47:06.556 --> 00:47:06.918
It is.

00:47:06.918 --> 00:47:12.235
And yeah, and she works like two jobs plus a mom, plus this for fun.

00:47:12.235 --> 00:47:16.251
No, it is fun, but, as you know, there's a lot we do the same.

00:47:16.311 --> 00:47:24.675
We do the same, we have multiple jobs, we have a marketing company and it's funny because, you know, people are always like, oh well, why do you podcast?

00:47:24.675 --> 00:47:27.739
Like what is that doing to help you and what is it?

00:47:27.739 --> 00:47:32.425
And it's like you know, why does there have to be something that you get back?

00:47:32.425 --> 00:47:38.460
Besides having fun and like having a passion project, like why do I need to get something from it?

00:47:38.460 --> 00:47:40.333
I have fun and we're out here.

00:47:40.355 --> 00:47:41.302
Fun is what you get from it.

00:47:41.610 --> 00:47:42.913
You get fun yeah.

00:47:43.012 --> 00:47:44.155
I don't know.

00:47:44.155 --> 00:47:47.119
It's like this mentality of like monetizing everything.

00:47:47.119 --> 00:47:50.164
So they will literally say but how much money does it make you?

00:47:50.164 --> 00:47:54.260
And I'm like this is actually not the only reason that we do things.

00:47:54.260 --> 00:48:02.242
The podcast is one of my top tier hands down, my favorite things that I do and accomplish.

00:48:02.242 --> 00:48:14.864
It just is and maybe as an eight we can unpack this but the amount of people who reach out and say I'm so glad you said that thing or I'm so like the way that you guys are so open.

00:48:14.864 --> 00:48:18.097
You know, like we, we talk about everything.

00:48:18.097 --> 00:48:38.619
Like jenny went on a trip the other day and left her suitcase at home.

00:48:38.619 --> 00:48:42.581
Like we, I mean there's a certain part of like just the sheer amount of chaos.

00:48:42.581 --> 00:48:45.483
So oh my gosh, even like leadership styles or how people show up.

00:48:45.483 --> 00:48:57.059
But then we also like I mean I went to the grocery store with camel toe, it's an I didn't mean to, but like if I just say it and then somebody else is like oh my God, that happened to me, or whatever.

00:48:57.880 --> 00:49:23.804
I just feel like it just levels the playing field of like, relatability and that's super and my two loves that because, like I want people cause we do talk about motherhood feeling so lonely, like one of the best compliments that we get about the podcast is that like they feel like they're in the car with us or sitting on the couch with us having a glass of wine, like so I feel like it's a way to have friends without really like having to be there physically.

00:49:23.804 --> 00:49:26.137
So I mean that's what I get out of it.

00:49:26.773 --> 00:49:36.257
That's that's's that's so important, yeah, and I think with social media, we a lot of people are just showing highlight reels, and so this is a really helpful way to like not show that.

00:49:36.257 --> 00:49:55.106
It's like actually here's the real parts of life, this is the real deal, yeah, which makes us feel lonelier when we only see those highlight reels, especially in motherhood, you know like I guess everyone else is fine, but yeah, Everyone has makeup on like the nice dinner and we're shoving like Costco poppies into the oven.

00:49:55.530 --> 00:49:56.713
I mean cheese, it's for dinner.

00:49:56.713 --> 00:50:00.001
Yeah, exactly, you know we like to keep it really real.

00:50:00.001 --> 00:50:06.239
Okay, so people can find you on Instagram and they can find you.

00:50:06.239 --> 00:50:09.485
Okay, so on Instagram you're a neogram with Kelsey.

00:50:09.485 --> 00:50:11.755
Yes, that's also your website.

00:50:12.177 --> 00:50:18.324
Yeah, enneagram with Kelseycom yeah, and then I'm also launching relationship guides.

00:50:18.324 --> 00:50:22.175
So the biggest question I get I'm really excited about it.

00:50:22.637 --> 00:50:26.733
The biggest question I get from people is like, what am I like in relationships?

00:50:26.733 --> 00:50:45.233
And so this is specifically just per each type, meaning I'll do I'm doing one type one and two are live currently and I'm going to do all the way through nine but what it is is it's going a deep dive into your type as, as you are in a relationship.

00:50:45.233 --> 00:50:57.418
So not just oh, what are you like in stress, it's what are you like in stress in your relationships, and relationships meaning a partner, a friend, coworker, right, like you name it.

00:50:57.418 --> 00:51:05.280
I mean there are moments I'm focusing on a romantic partner as well, but it's like a 14 page kind of deep dive.

00:51:05.280 --> 00:51:08.072
If you will, that you get it's yours for 25 bucks.

00:51:08.072 --> 00:51:11.572
So that's currently what I'm launching and that is on my website too.

00:51:12.255 --> 00:51:14.418
Can we go one, two, eight?

00:51:14.418 --> 00:51:19.329
I love that.

00:51:19.329 --> 00:51:21.356
We will definitely link those, for sure.

00:51:21.356 --> 00:51:29.402
So okay, then you have that on the website and then you also have your podcast related the podcast with Caitlin and Kelsey.

00:51:29.829 --> 00:51:31.755
Yeah, you can find that anywhere.

00:51:31.755 --> 00:51:36.632
It's also on my Instagram linked as well, so yes, I, that's where I went right to it.

00:51:36.954 --> 00:51:38.177
Yeah, I tell you.

00:51:38.177 --> 00:51:41.670
The other thing I do is I like go in your comment section.

00:51:41.670 --> 00:51:43.554
So I did see the other day.

00:51:43.554 --> 00:51:50.025
That was like the one about what did like younger you need to hear based on your type.

00:51:50.771 --> 00:51:52.297
I mean, I lost like 40 minutes.

00:51:52.297 --> 00:52:03.394
I'm so curious about everyone else, what they think, yeah, yeah, and I don't know if that's everybody's, if everybody goes to the comments to see what the other types want or if that's just an eight thing.

00:52:03.394 --> 00:52:16.452
I was so curious to see like all of the I mean, your audience is a really good job giving you that feedback too, which I'm sure is so helpful in what you do yes, yes, yeah, because I'm still learning.

00:52:16.472 --> 00:52:19.201
It's not like I know everything and humans are complex, you know.

00:52:19.201 --> 00:52:29.074
So it's really fun to have my Instagram for to hear back from people, um, unless they're like well, that's not me, and then I well, maybe your type is wrong.

00:52:29.195 --> 00:52:36.775
So do you just find the time you have to dismiss like the negativity and you just lean into like yes.

00:52:37.436 --> 00:52:38.780
Yeah, and there's times I can be.

00:52:38.780 --> 00:52:40.190
You know, I've talked about that six.

00:52:40.190 --> 00:52:45.518
I can be a little combative, and so my husband's a nine and he's like you don't need to say anything, I'm like you're right.

00:52:47.681 --> 00:52:51.465
Sometimes I just know that I go to my sister and I'm like, would you?

00:52:51.465 --> 00:53:02.018
And she's like, yeah, there's one of those reels where the guy looks back and his other leader it's like yeah exactly, and everyone's like I have to help myself.

00:53:02.018 --> 00:53:03.603
And then sometimes I'm like fine.

00:53:03.969 --> 00:53:12.255
Yeah, I don't get a lot, but when someone gets, gets says something that they think they know a lot, I'm like um, let me just correct this really quick.

00:53:12.356 --> 00:53:15.481
so they watch the enneagram thing.

00:53:15.481 --> 00:53:19.173
Yeah, how my enneagram brushes my teeth, yeah, exactly.

00:53:19.193 --> 00:53:38.996
Yeah, some of that stuff I'm like yeah, I know we don't all drink iced coffee yeah, I've done like a few of those because they are just for fun, but inevitably someone is like I hate that and you're like I know, and that's why I don't do these, because it's it cannot be perfect.

00:53:39.076 --> 00:54:00.811
It's not a hundred percent, so they are in there, yeah each other other people's minds to something they didn't know existed, which I think is like a good conversation, but I think is like a good conversation, but I think there's a very real difference between like the memes version and like actually getting a coach and getting this information to become more well-rounded and self-aware.

00:54:01.454 --> 00:54:04.724
Yeah yeah, it can be fun, but it can also confuse you even more.

00:54:04.985 --> 00:54:13.922
So I agree, okay, we can find you related the podcast, apple, spotify, anywhere you listen on Instagram at a neogram with Kelsey.

00:54:13.922 --> 00:54:16.474
Same for website and theogram with Kelsey.

00:54:16.996 --> 00:54:19.322
Yes, Thank you so much for yes, kelsey.

00:54:19.322 --> 00:54:23.302
Thank you so much, I mean this has been so fun I definitely.

00:54:23.302 --> 00:54:27.918
I think, rebecca, we should read the relationship guides for two and eight and then we should do this again.

00:54:27.918 --> 00:54:31.797
I know we should do this.

00:54:34.090 --> 00:54:35.711
Kelsey, you might have to have it back.

00:54:35.711 --> 00:54:45.384
Well, you could buy each other, so like you buy the two for her and you buy the eight, and you're like oh, nate's are up you guys are like.

00:54:45.905 --> 00:54:46.184
I know.

00:54:48.929 --> 00:54:49.773
We're going to have to deep dive into that.

00:54:49.773 --> 00:54:54.793
I know I'm really slowly rolling it out because you know well, no pressure, it's fine, you just tell me when you do it first.

00:54:54.793 --> 00:55:09.599
I know lots of eights so like, just because I've posted it so much on my social, I have like this batch of people that I just like drop the best up to, and there's some of my all time favorite people three I've literally never met.

00:55:09.599 --> 00:55:15.527
But when I need a little bit of validation I will immediately.

00:55:15.527 --> 00:55:18.137
You will not believe what happened today.

00:55:18.137 --> 00:55:19.280
That's perfect.

00:55:21.030 --> 00:55:22.436
They're the perfect people to go to.

00:55:23.539 --> 00:55:23.981
Kelsey.

00:55:24.041 --> 00:55:32.277
Thank you so much taking time out of your schedule and from the baby and all the things oh yes, thank you guys so much for hosting.

00:55:32.277 --> 00:55:33.474
It's been so fun.

00:55:34.076 --> 00:55:35.059
All right guys.

00:55:35.059 --> 00:55:37.318
Thanks for tuning in and we will see you next week.