May 2, 2024

Gypsies, Journaling & Tough Convos with Kids

Gypsies, Journaling & Tough Convos with Kids
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Season 2

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What starts as a simple conversation about Raebecca’s favorite Netflix show “At Home With The Fury’s” quickly becomes a very deep conversation about our relationships with our children, and how we foster communication and create safe conversations around some of the harder topics we are tackling as parents.

From keeping a journal, where both parents and children write in it, to the pros and cons of having eye contact while you have tough conversations. We talking about the importance of conversations - and that valuing communication and “saving space to talk” is the best, first thing.

The delicate dance of big reactions and over-explaining what’s really in question or even what’s age appropriate - Kirsten discusses how to meet your kids where they are. Add in the concept of “rituals of connection”, those seemingly little monotonous (but not) family dinners, weekly movie nights, and you begin to purposefully save space for connectivity.

We cover really big topics like food and body image and the consciousness at which we enter our own home space every day with our kids, but then we take a second to ponder how different their generation will be because of this awareness and emotional awareness we’re sort of all experiencing in our 30s and 40s. 

And we tackle a tik tok book trend - that started a big conversation at school and at home - and how we tackle the more jaw dropping conversations we have to have as parents. Another great episode with our friend Kirsten Hatcher from the “Raising Marriage” podcast !

You can find her on Spotify and on Apple and on all of your favorite places to stream podcasts :

Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/show/4DthJ2Abr1qaROk7jtNLj1?si=rF7ZnDpmQQWVy0w5gIneZw
Apple - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/raising-marriage-podcast/id1495746521

A big shout out to “Girlology” in Charleston for helping us in these conversations and topics -
https://girlology.com/








For more mayhem, be sure to follow us:

Insta @marketingandmayhem
YouTube @MarketingMayhemPod

And don't forget to leave us a 5 star review! Or message us to deep dive into your topic or just give us feedback!

Hosted by @raebecca.miller and @jennyfromthe843

00:08 - Discussing Mental Health and Humor

03:40 - Parenting and Building Connections With Kids

15:57 - Navigating Childhood Friendships and Boundaries

20:34 - Navigating Generation Differences in Parenting

30:01 - Parenting and Social Media Dilemmas

42:04 - Parenting and Communication Strategies

45:54 - Navigating Difficult Conversations With Adolescents

52:20 - Parenting in the Social Media Age

56:51 - Middle-Aged Marketing for Small Businesses

WEBVTT

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from raising marriage.

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You guys were obsessed with her first time on our podcast, but we have more questions and we have more to quote, unquote, unpack, because I know how much you love when I say that but you didn't say that much in the last episode when.

00:00:24.708 --> 00:00:25.210
I was here.

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I've been saving it now for important things.

00:00:29.739 --> 00:00:36.072
Nate and I were watching something we were watching Summer House the other day.

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And they said unpack and.

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Nate went like this.

00:00:39.128 --> 00:00:41.045
He was like that's Becca's word.

00:00:41.045 --> 00:00:42.305
I'm like, yes, it's Becca's.

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He's like you should trademark unpack, it's officially your word.

00:00:44.194 --> 00:00:44.450
I should like that's becca's word.

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I'm like, yes, it's becca's.

00:00:44.746 --> 00:00:45.421
You like you should trademark unpack it's.

00:00:45.360 --> 00:00:50.893
It's officially your word I should actually hold on wow, what does that take to trademark a word?

00:00:50.993 --> 00:00:51.701
I feel like you guys.

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I don't know, but you paid on it basically, um, really quick.

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By the way, have either of you ever watched at home with the furies?

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no, but you shared it on your it's the wrestling people, he it's, he's uh is he a boxer?

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I think he's a like world-class, like heavyweight boxer okay massive.

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He's like six, nine.

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He's a big boy, for sure you watch?

00:01:14.962 --> 00:01:17.590
them as random things, ever no, no but listen.

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This is why I really kirsten's gonna die over.

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You should really watch it too.

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First of of all, I love human behavior.

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I like funny.

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They are in Europe, they are travelers, so they're actually like true gypsies, so their perspective is a little bit different.

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And then also they have six kids three boys, three girls.

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The house is basically on fire.

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But also he is a professional athlete and so he has major mental health issues.

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And she is just this boss sauce.

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She unpacks it all the time.

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She talks about it, she gets after him.

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So that's his wife, yeah.

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Wow.

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He can be pretty manic, so he'll just book a ticket to go look at Mayan ruins or something.

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And she's like you know, Tyson.

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Because he probably has.

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If he was a boxer, he probably has traumatic brain injuries, Right.

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Also he's bipolar and he can be depressive and there's something else.

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So there's this one episode where she gets the chance to be on a TV show.

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But she has to travel a little bit and then she comes back and in the car she's like gosh, I really hope he hasn't.

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However, she says it because she's a gypsy, so she says it amazing, but she's like I really hope he hasn't gotten into anything he has.

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He has.

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He absolutely has all of the kids in this random RV.

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He's got them camping like out back and she's like you know, tyson, for once it would be really nice if we just didn't do this.

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So she like.

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Well, she's a saint for but she goes through like one of his worst episodes and it's just.

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But the whole show is very endearing, but also so funny, I mean you've got to give it a shot.

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It's so funny, I mean you've got to give it a shot.

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What's it on?

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It's At Home with the Furies.

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What like Netflix Hulu?

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Oh, I think it's Netflix.

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I'm pretty sure it's Netflix.

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All right, we're always kind of looking for good humor.

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Oh really, yes, you can watch it with your kids.

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It's not like when she goes into the dark.

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She does it in such a way that my kids are never pulled into it like they can't pick up on the show.

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Okay, all right, we'll have to check it out actually it's a perfect intro to what I wanted to talk to you okay about this, mouth to my baby.

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I got you, I was like me or her.

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If I, I was.

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No, it's me, it's me, it's me, it's me, it's me, it's me, it's me.

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So one of the things you discussed last time that I've been thinking about is journaling, and I really wanted to talk to you.

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We really wanted to talk to you about parenting and relationships with our kids in this age, and I did see this tip the other day where it was like oh, I have a journal with my daughter and we both write back and forth in it Like we have a place that we leave it and like she can put something in there where she doesn't have to come face to face but she can say something and then I can answer it.

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And then, in the same breath, this other person, which I don't even remember who they are, but they were talking about how, also, with kids, it's a lot easier to get them to unpack or unload if they aren't looking directly in your eyes.

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So okay, this is so interesting.

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So taking a walk or doing something where you're together but you're not making that direct eye contact or you give them this other thing, like the journal.

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I mean, this is a really big topic, but having a continued deep connection with my kids as they grow older is so important to me.

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How do we do that?

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And I know that's a really big question.

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I may end up answering this as much as a mom, as a therapist because I still have.

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It's funny I'll sit in sessions with clients and they'll say something that, like their parents did growing up, and I'm like screwing up my kids.

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I do that.

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I'm screwing up my kids.

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You know, like you're in therapy now, I do that with my kids.

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So some of this might come more from, like, my experiences with, uh, layla, who's 12, and Maxwell, who's nine.

00:05:28.346 --> 00:05:35.408
Um, she's amazing though Actually that's another connection I have with Layla went to Park West preschool.

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No way, yeah, so she would have been gone, though by the time you guys were there with Clark and pilots.

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So, yes, I loved.

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I toured preschools.

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I like took a day off work and I went to five preschools and I remember calling John, crying, and I'm like these places are like institutions.

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I can't drop my baby off.

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It was like a mess.

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I was working at a group home at the time.

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I was like I feel like I'm dropping.

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That's so terrible to say, but I was like I feel like that's where we're going and I walked into Park West Preschool and the birds start singing and I'm like everything's going to be, okay.

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Shout out to.

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Park West Preschool.

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They're the best.

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Oh, Hillary's the best.

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Jenny's best friend is Hillary.

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Really oh.

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I love Hillary and Kiki's leaving I I love Hillary and Kiki's leaving.

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I know she is All my best friends came from Park, wesleyan School.

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Kiki, her first year was when Layla started there.

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It's like she had just started when Layla went.

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So, yes, I just got off on a run with that.

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But having a 12-year-old, I do feel like I'm maybe like a couple years ahead in some of the parenting experiences and Layla and I.

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I actually started one of those journals with her when she was in second grade.

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I love that.

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So, but the main reason was she had a not so nice girl in her class.

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I'm very careful in using the bully word, but it was kind of teetering a little bit where she would like do stuff to Layla and then she would go tattle on the teacher that Layla did that to her.

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It was like very manipulative, very manipulative.

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It starts so early now we have a question.

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Yeah, how are you being careful about the word bully.

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Can you just tell me what?

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Oh, I sometimes feel like it's overused, Like Maxwell will come home and be like this kid was bullying me.

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I'm like no, that kid was being a second grader or third grader and it sounds like you had an argument over a thing and sometimes you could be the reactive one.

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So you know, let's not just be careful, Just let's just not throw that word all around, is what I say.

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I do think there is bullying and then I think sometimes just some child behavior.

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You're saying like we need to protect it, when it's actually bullying but not just that's yeah, you don't want to minimize it.

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Like sometimes I think that happens with OCD and anxiety Like it's just such a descriptor word now I might've definitely said I was OCD, sorry.

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Oh, oh, oh, sorry.

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Well, I wasn't thinking that, but I think it just becomes a descriptor that when it's necessary to actually look into it, it's not as maybe valid or whatever.

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So yeah.

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So she had this girl.

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That was not being very nice to her and so I would find that she, you know, being in second grade, she wouldn't know.

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So she would like explode on us about something silly and then, you know, a couple hours later we'd realize what had happened.

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So I started this journal with her.

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It's this bright blue journal.

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It's still in her room.

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So she's in sixth grade now.

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We don't really use it as much, but if there's something she wants to talk about she's better.

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Actually, now that I think about it, she'll just come to me and say hey, can we talk for a minute?

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So maybe the journal helped that.

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But the way it worked is she would write on the journal and she would put it on my nightstand.

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Or if she wanted to talk to my husband about it, she could.

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It could go on anybody's nightstand and that's where it went, and I would know that she put the.

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I would see the journal and then I would read in it, read it, write in it and give it back to her, and then I would always end it with if you want to talk about this more, let me know if you, and sometimes the journal was enough.

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Sometimes that just kicked the door open to start the conversation, so which was helpful.

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I'm so cute because my my big fear right now is that, like the, bullying thing the girls are going to start keeping things from me.

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Or like Jenny and I talk about this a lot because we work in social media and in marketing, and marketing is scary.

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I mean, we don't choose scary marketing, but we have been exposed to it forever.

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You have been exposed to it forever.

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Companies are getting better about it now by showing oh, we talked about this in an episode, but about Aerie has, like you know, there's some cellulite or a paraplegic or an actual, real stomach, not something that's been you know.

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But now we have AI in it.

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And then we have social media platforms and I'm like, oh my gosh, like I can't just put them in a cave, but like, how do I make sure that I create conversations where they can always come to me?

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Like, how do I protect that?

00:10:19.419 --> 00:10:19.740
Well, one.

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The fact that you guys are aware of it is the best first thing, right?

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Like we're aware, we want to have these conversations, we want to foster these relationships is huge.

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I also think it's how, how are we responding to them when they do bring things to us?

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I realized a lot of times Layla would get in the car and dump on me oh my God, this happened and this happened.

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I'm like, well, what did you do?

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Well, what did you do and why didn't you do this instead of that?

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And so I actually had to step back and I would start saying sometimes, like I tell marriage counseling do you want to vent about this or do you actually want my help on how I think you could make it better?

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Because I've lived some life and I've done some things, and so I really started setting that stage for those conversations as well.

00:11:07.881 --> 00:11:11.672
But I think it is just having the conversations.

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I joke a lot in marriage counseling that it's just about talking and having the conversations.

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We don't always know what we need to talk about, but it's.

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Are we creating the space to talk?

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And so it's kind of like an elusive answer.

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But how are you responding to them?

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How are you responding to them when they bring it to you.

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Are you panicking?

00:11:35.282 --> 00:11:36.804
Are you sounding the alarms?

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I also think, as parents, we always want to over-explain, we want to give so much detail so that they get it all.

00:11:46.611 --> 00:11:49.546
And I, are you an over-explainer?

00:11:49.546 --> 00:11:51.211
Yeah, I definitely am.

00:11:51.211 --> 00:11:51.841
Yeah.

00:11:51.841 --> 00:11:59.544
And then we confuse their little brains because they weren't even thinking about the five things we explained.

00:11:59.544 --> 00:12:24.009
And then we've confused them and, trust me, I've done this too and so typically responding to their little questions with one or two sentence answers, stopping, letting there be silence, and then they will ask you more questions based on what you give them, so you allow their little brains of understanding to really guide the conversation of where it goes.

00:12:24.350 --> 00:12:25.273
You don't leave the witness.

00:12:26.221 --> 00:12:27.284
Right, don't leave the witness.

00:12:27.284 --> 00:12:28.120
That's and that cause.

00:12:28.120 --> 00:12:28.683
That looks different.

00:12:28.683 --> 00:12:33.248
With conversations with Layla in third grade versus sixth grade we had some.

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We had a little bit of exposure to a big, big conversation that I knew was coming working with teenagers.

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I, I know there.

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I was like I know what's coming.

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I know she's going to be exposed to stuff way sooner than any of us were.

00:12:47.206 --> 00:13:02.791
I just I was more concerned about like seventh grade than I was for middle of sixth grade, um, but I think it's just laying the little stepping stones of you know what it looks like In their version of whatever they're in.

00:13:03.399 --> 00:13:03.740
Yeah.

00:13:03.740 --> 00:13:06.248
Like so interesting too, because I have two girls, and so you know what it looks like In their version of whatever they're in.

00:13:06.248 --> 00:13:07.035
Yeah, Like so interesting too, because I have two girls.

00:13:07.035 --> 00:13:12.015
And so you know pilot will ask me something like we do this thing called family dinner.

00:13:12.015 --> 00:13:17.192
They call it family dinner, but it's just, we eat spaghetti and the garlic bread and I don't know why they can't be.

00:13:17.192 --> 00:13:19.347
If there's not garlic bread, then it's not family dinner.

00:13:19.919 --> 00:13:20.480
I love it.

00:13:20.581 --> 00:13:21.562
Kids are so cute.

00:13:21.682 --> 00:13:22.202
I love it.

00:13:22.264 --> 00:13:22.744
It really is.

00:13:22.744 --> 00:13:24.447
It's been going on for years.

00:13:24.447 --> 00:13:26.970
So we do it quite a bit and we'll like sit at the table.

00:13:26.970 --> 00:13:29.835
And that's usually when they start to like give little things.

00:13:29.835 --> 00:13:34.946
And you know, pie will start talking about something at school and then someone will be like do you ever think about how your spoon tastes?

00:13:34.946 --> 00:13:42.784
And I'm like what I love?

00:13:42.804 --> 00:13:45.107
that she sounds like she's a piece of work.

00:13:45.548 --> 00:13:48.472
She is a hamster and a half.

00:13:48.472 --> 00:13:58.280
She's also part raccoon, same as me, so she's the second child.

00:13:58.280 --> 00:13:58.802
She's a true second child.

00:13:58.802 --> 00:13:59.624
Her perspective is just very different.

00:13:59.624 --> 00:13:59.904
Well, do you?

00:13:59.945 --> 00:14:01.028
know what you're doing.

00:14:01.028 --> 00:14:02.671
I want to talk about your spaghetti dinners.

00:14:02.671 --> 00:14:09.783
That's actually called a ritual of connection.

00:14:09.783 --> 00:14:10.245
So this is huge.

00:14:10.245 --> 00:14:11.650
I know in the last podcast I talked about the Gottman method.

00:14:11.650 --> 00:14:12.995
So we have different rituals of connection that we can create.

00:14:12.995 --> 00:14:18.129
There's your traditions, right, like what we do for birthdays, what we do for holidays, all those things.

00:14:18.129 --> 00:14:23.105
But there's also, and you can do it with your partner, you do it with your family.

00:14:23.105 --> 00:14:25.349
So rituals of connection.

00:14:25.568 --> 00:14:31.907
Like in our house we started pizza movie night on Fridays when Layla was in kindergarten, john was working as a CPA.

00:14:31.907 --> 00:14:33.784
Days were bleeding into each other.

00:14:33.784 --> 00:14:35.529
I was exhausted, like I didn't know.

00:14:35.529 --> 00:14:38.809
So I'm like we're doing pizza movie night every Friday because I'm done.

00:14:38.809 --> 00:14:43.071
And now to this day, it is still pizza movie night on Fridays.

00:14:43.071 --> 00:14:49.945
Like if my in-laws come into town, it's pizza movie night.

00:14:49.945 --> 00:14:52.354
If we're at my parents, the adults will usually have dinner together and we give the kids pizza and a movie.

00:14:52.354 --> 00:14:55.802
Well, layla is now in sixth grade, so she has ramen and Max has pizza.

00:14:55.802 --> 00:14:58.248
So that is a ritual of connection.

00:14:58.248 --> 00:15:07.873
So what you're setting this place that like it's this moment of comfort, this safe space of like hey, this is our family time and anything goes.

00:15:07.873 --> 00:15:10.855
We can talk about what's happening at school or how your spoon tastes.

00:15:10.855 --> 00:15:11.679
It's perfect.

00:15:11.900 --> 00:15:13.686
You know we, and so we actually do.

00:15:13.686 --> 00:15:21.029
Like we light candles, Usually I'll put like old school Italian on, like the Alexa and like it's gets like a little.

00:15:21.029 --> 00:15:33.880
I mean it's fun, I mean I'm a New Yorker Like we would go to you know your nana's house, or like I didn't have a nana but I had friends that did, and like grandma would be like at the kitchen table smoking and there would be like music playing and she'd be like making the sauce.

00:15:33.880 --> 00:15:39.461
Like this is an old I'm like I live for this, so I already have it in my heart, obviously that's not what I'm doing.

00:15:39.941 --> 00:15:46.227
But I'm like let's light the little tea lights that look like you're at an Italian restaurant and let's make it.

00:15:46.227 --> 00:15:47.428
Let's vibe out.

00:15:47.428 --> 00:15:48.490
We get in our pajamas.

00:15:49.410 --> 00:15:55.096
And then that's when they so you're already setting the stage of like, hey, this is where we all come together and talk.

00:15:55.096 --> 00:15:58.602
We talk about our day a little differently.

00:15:58.602 --> 00:16:06.402
Especially, having two girls could be special because they're going to have similar experiences, but their personalities are different, right?

00:16:06.402 --> 00:16:08.427
So what would you do there and what would you do?

00:16:08.427 --> 00:16:12.183
And it'll evolve as you guys all grow up together.

00:16:13.167 --> 00:16:16.601
We are growing up together, which I try really hard not to put big things on them.

00:16:16.601 --> 00:16:18.988
But back to this divorce thing.

00:16:18.988 --> 00:16:24.422
We're in this really weird experience, so they're starting to ask questions.

00:16:25.984 --> 00:16:26.563
Oh yeah.

00:16:26.764 --> 00:16:47.330
Like it could be random stuff, like it was like you have had a boyfriend in high school but then pilots like get remarried and I'm like yeah, I don't know, but I'm not going to say never, cause every time I say never, god himself makes me walk through that door.

00:16:47.330 --> 00:16:51.062
So not saying never and with those big questions.

00:16:51.102 --> 00:16:53.609
You just give them the simple kid answer.

00:16:53.850 --> 00:16:54.230
Yeah.

00:16:54.792 --> 00:16:54.993
Right.

00:16:55.120 --> 00:16:58.323
So I'm just like huh, but there we're getting.

00:16:58.323 --> 00:17:00.831
You know we have our kids are in the same class.

00:17:00.831 --> 00:17:09.529
If you guys missed her previous time, on our podcast, so we hear some interesting things about class, as anyone's third grade would Third grade is a really weird.

00:17:09.529 --> 00:17:34.886
No one's teeth are really falling out anymore, but people are starting to develop friendships influenced by different things and they're starting to separate based on what they like and don't like, and I think that is stronger with girls, for sure, yes, they're learning about boundaries in some ways too or lack of yes, which most of them have.

00:17:34.967 --> 00:17:38.262
Probably lack of yes, yeah.

00:17:38.282 --> 00:17:49.109
And so, navigating that, I find myself saying things to Pilot where I'm like if I had a friend and she treated me like that, I would probably think twice about how I spent time with them.

00:17:49.109 --> 00:17:51.846
Cause I don't want to say, like I don't like that girl yeah.

00:17:52.487 --> 00:17:57.446
Well, and because it's hard too, because we also know like their little personalities are still developing and forming.

00:17:57.446 --> 00:18:03.048
So who Sally is in third grade is not going to be Sally at 35.

00:18:03.048 --> 00:18:03.429
Right?

00:18:03.429 --> 00:18:04.873
So it's like, okay, what are the?

00:18:04.873 --> 00:18:07.585
You don't want to just say, well, you shouldn't be friends with them.

00:18:07.585 --> 00:18:13.486
Right, Because then you don't want to teach them that we just have to write off everybody when we have conflict with them.

00:18:14.803 --> 00:18:23.825
So it is a fun world to navigate, Well, they have their little moods too, where they're like, oh, one day she's nice and one day she's mean, and nice and one day she's mean, and I'm like I have no idea how Pilate's even showing up.

00:18:23.825 --> 00:18:26.469
I know how she shows up as my child.

00:18:26.469 --> 00:18:28.332
I'm not a third grade teacher.

00:18:28.332 --> 00:18:29.834
I don't think everybody's a saint.

00:18:37.059 --> 00:18:37.480
Hearing you say this.

00:18:37.480 --> 00:18:39.546
It's so interesting to me because I'm now having flashbacks to Layla, where I don't Maxwell.

00:18:39.546 --> 00:18:39.946
Those aren't really.

00:18:39.946 --> 00:18:49.079
He'll have his conflicts and he has some of his issues, but he does get pulled out for some things at school so he has extra supports, like in the school.

00:18:49.079 --> 00:18:50.865
So I don't know that he's always.

00:18:50.865 --> 00:18:56.612
I don't know if it's just him because he's a boy or if he's just not in the mix of it all as much.

00:18:56.772 --> 00:18:59.365
But I think sometimes he's allowed to bring friends sometimes.

00:18:59.365 --> 00:19:00.228
Have you ever heard this?

00:19:00.509 --> 00:19:02.085
Yes, does he sometimes bring pilot?

00:19:02.226 --> 00:19:05.339
Yeah, this, yes.

00:19:05.339 --> 00:19:05.980
Does he sometimes bring pilot?

00:19:05.980 --> 00:19:08.105
Yeah, sometimes they go to the library instead of going to recess.

00:19:08.125 --> 00:19:08.885
Yes, he books.

00:19:08.885 --> 00:19:11.148
He prefers to not.

00:19:11.148 --> 00:19:19.229
He's so funny, he's like so social, yeah, but when there's a lot of chaos and it's funny act nutty at recess.

00:19:19.249 --> 00:19:39.660
She's like, yes, not if I can just leave with clark's like that she hates, she hates used to hate eating in the cafeteria a lot because she was like when they were in loud park preschool, clark and pilot were in the same class and they would always be off in a corner like the kids were acting nutty and those were like, that's not for me actually.

00:19:39.840 --> 00:19:40.845
I'm gonna sit here.

00:19:40.845 --> 00:19:49.972
I don't know if it's her being an only child or what, but she just, at the end of the day, she just gets in the car and she's just like let's have some silence.

00:19:50.901 --> 00:19:58.393
She needs her alone time All the time Cause summit talks 24, like could you just stop?

00:19:58.393 --> 00:20:00.747
I could use nothing right now.

00:20:00.747 --> 00:20:05.305
I could use some silence, Of course Summit just can't.

00:20:05.305 --> 00:20:05.926
She's a dog.

00:20:05.926 --> 00:20:11.509
You never thought about nothing.

00:20:11.509 --> 00:20:12.271
Please stop.

00:20:12.271 --> 00:20:13.594
Is there a snack I could get you?

00:20:14.380 --> 00:20:17.006
Yeah, can I get you some gum to keep your mouth busy?

00:20:17.006 --> 00:20:18.569
Yeah, I love that.

00:20:18.569 --> 00:20:19.471
Yeah, I forgot that.

00:20:19.471 --> 00:20:20.220
He's taken that.

00:20:20.220 --> 00:20:23.903
Yeah, he's like I'm just going to go on my own and I'm going to go.

00:20:23.903 --> 00:20:26.226
I'm like, well, good for you knowing what you need.

00:20:26.226 --> 00:20:26.746
So Kyla loves it.

00:20:26.766 --> 00:20:28.147
She's like I'm just going to go on my own and I'm going to go.

00:20:28.147 --> 00:20:29.388
I'm like, well, good for you knowing what you need.

00:20:29.388 --> 00:20:31.211
So she's like I, just I would rather be at the library.

00:20:31.211 --> 00:20:34.212
Yeah, you know, of course, right, so we're raising kids.

00:20:34.212 --> 00:20:43.805
All three of us are in a world where and I don't know if your parents are like this, but my parents grew up a lot differently.

00:20:43.825 --> 00:20:50.210
So you know, even in an example like that, I feel like my parents' first reaction would be like why don't you go out there and play, though it's nice to get outside?

00:20:50.210 --> 00:20:51.442
And I'm like, wait a minute.

00:20:51.442 --> 00:21:02.614
And we talk about this a lot in my house, even about like food, because I'm trying really hard to protect my kids from the food stuff that we all grew up around.

00:21:03.080 --> 00:21:04.045
Yeah, yeah.

00:21:04.405 --> 00:21:11.045
It gets it, but then you're parenting them in front of your parents, who have no idea what you're really saying.

00:21:12.102 --> 00:21:13.365
What are you talking about?

00:21:13.487 --> 00:21:18.971
Yes, Do you know that I have asked every member of my family to not ever use the word fat?

00:21:18.971 --> 00:21:22.607
Oh, like I correct them if they're in my home.

00:21:22.607 --> 00:21:25.106
I'm like I don't want to talk about losing weight.

00:21:25.326 --> 00:21:26.069
I don't want to talk about.

00:21:26.200 --> 00:21:27.465
I don't want to hear the word fat.

00:21:27.465 --> 00:21:29.528
You can use the other F word, but not that one.

00:21:30.902 --> 00:21:32.025
I would rather the other F word.

00:21:32.065 --> 00:21:33.951
I'm like we just it.

00:21:33.951 --> 00:21:37.368
Like I get unhinged about it.

00:21:37.368 --> 00:21:43.386
I'm such a freak about it that, because for that same reason, like Clark will hop on the scale.

00:21:43.386 --> 00:21:45.010
I'm like what are you doing?

00:21:45.010 --> 00:21:50.021
No, I don't have one.

00:21:50.021 --> 00:21:53.234
She's like oh, I just want to see how strong I am because I've been doing that since she was like three oh, what are you doing, mom?

00:21:53.275 --> 00:22:05.516
I'm like just seeing how strong I am, just seeing how strong I am because I'm such a freak about it I think that's the biggest shift is like what's the language that we're putting around things?

00:22:05.680 --> 00:22:11.280
right, Because there is some level of, like, healthy life we want to teach, right, Like we all want to live off?

00:22:11.280 --> 00:22:19.382
Sour Patch Kids and not Twinkies I don't like Twinkies, but whatever cupcakes Right, yeah, so how are we?

00:22:19.382 --> 00:22:26.513
How do we teach healthy lifestyle without falling into this like body image trap, which it's?

00:22:26.513 --> 00:22:27.494
It's really.

00:22:27.494 --> 00:22:28.644
It is very tough.

00:22:28.644 --> 00:22:37.825
I think I, I, my parents, I think actually would have been very appropriate parents for today.

00:22:37.825 --> 00:22:43.198
Like my mom was our Easter baskets when we were younger was like dried pineapple fruit.

00:22:43.198 --> 00:22:45.392
She made our baby food.

00:22:45.392 --> 00:22:50.315
I'm like Mom, I don't even do that now and you were doing that in the 80s when that was not easy.

00:22:50.315 --> 00:23:01.617
So I think I naturally just kind of grew up and we're going to be active and we're not going to be focused on what our body image is.

00:23:01.617 --> 00:23:05.174
So I, but I understand how it's like.

00:23:05.174 --> 00:23:08.086
How do we do that with grandparents that are involved, I think?

00:23:08.126 --> 00:23:14.055
my parents think I'm bananas, like they think that my parenting is absolutely off the rails.

00:23:14.615 --> 00:23:14.997
Really.

00:23:15.345 --> 00:23:18.134
My dad will be like, oh, I'm going to pick Clark up from school.

00:23:18.134 --> 00:23:21.549
I'm like, no, no, no, she needs to come home.

00:23:21.549 --> 00:23:23.611
We are on schedule.

00:23:23.611 --> 00:23:26.711
She does best routine Sunday through Thursday.

00:23:26.711 --> 00:23:31.550
Yes, take her on a Friday, take her on a Thursday afternoon because she doesn't have school on Fridays.

00:23:31.550 --> 00:23:40.194
I'm like I just run such a tight ship when it comes to bedtime and homework and all of the things I'm like and I know those boundaries and that's good.

00:23:40.194 --> 00:23:42.317
And maybe I know, but they think I'm a freak.

00:23:47.545 --> 00:23:49.710
I know that I think my parents definitely support my parenting, but it's very different.

00:23:49.710 --> 00:23:59.386
So I grew up in a house where my dad openly talked actively about like earning food, like he would like work out to like get meals or to have a bigger plate and so like I.

00:23:59.386 --> 00:24:03.096
One thing that makes me crazy is like this concept of dessert.

00:24:03.096 --> 00:24:05.832
Like it when you say you can't say fat in your house.

00:24:05.832 --> 00:24:06.977
We do not say dessert.

00:24:06.977 --> 00:24:10.608
And if I hear somebody say dessert in front of my kids I lose my cool a little bit.

00:24:11.088 --> 00:24:21.492
I'm like we do not earn our treats, we don't have a treat at the end of every day, Like if you have a treat here or there, but like why don't we call it what it is?

00:24:21.492 --> 00:24:23.919
So would you like ice cream?

00:24:24.825 --> 00:24:25.307
Love that.

00:24:25.647 --> 00:24:30.269
Or like my parents in the past when it was newer, would be like well, everyone needs to finish their plate.

00:24:30.269 --> 00:24:40.459
And then I'm like, nope, my kids do not have to finish their food to eat ice cream, and my kids will be the first ones also now to have two bites and be like I actually don't want it.

00:24:40.459 --> 00:24:46.951
And then the next older generation reaction is like we're not going to waste it, like we actually are going to waste it.

00:24:46.951 --> 00:24:50.275
We don't have to be glutton.

00:24:50.644 --> 00:24:53.815
We don't need to be gluttonous and scarf it all down.

00:24:54.586 --> 00:25:02.453
So those are my like big trigger things, things that are a little out there for most people, and I'm just like we're going to call the food what it is.

00:25:02.954 --> 00:25:04.066
We're not going to earn it.

00:25:04.066 --> 00:25:06.571
I don't want my kids obsessing about anything.

00:25:06.571 --> 00:25:14.654
So if that means that somebody mentioned a milkshake, I'll make sure in that week we get it so that when we have it we're not chugging it all the way down to the bottom.

00:25:14.654 --> 00:25:25.750
We can be done at a third and I feel I'm more happy to throw away a full plate than I am like an empty one If I know that it costs my kid anything mentally.

00:25:26.491 --> 00:25:26.833
I will.

00:25:26.833 --> 00:25:38.978
I come from Maxwell can be a very picky eater, so there are times where he'll be like I'm not going to eat and I'm like, okay, but you don't be asking me for a cookie because you're too full now.

00:25:38.978 --> 00:25:43.153
So I'll do it with that language it's not eat your dinner, get a cookie.

00:25:43.153 --> 00:25:50.512
It's just very clear of if you're too full to eat the chicken or whatever's on your plate, then a cookie you are not getting.

00:25:51.805 --> 00:26:09.450
So I do parent the same way, and when they're like I'm not hungry for anything, but I am hungry for this, I'm like you're not hungry for ice cream we love ice cream because ice cream is delicious, but if you're hungry, let's start with a protein.

00:26:09.450 --> 00:26:10.253
Because I'm trying to also teach them.

00:26:10.253 --> 00:26:11.198
I always think like we shared in the last one.

00:26:11.198 --> 00:26:13.666
I try to think about the end, the finish line, and then I try to work backwards.

00:26:13.846 --> 00:26:14.828
So I'm like, how do I?

00:26:14.847 --> 00:26:25.273
make them understand that protein feels better in the longterm, or that they're about to go do two and a half hours of gymnastics, so quick carb is actually going to be really important in this moment.

00:26:25.273 --> 00:26:30.674
How do I teach them that strategy without shoving it in a food pyramid sort of mentality?

00:26:30.674 --> 00:26:32.298
So we do the same thing.

00:26:32.298 --> 00:26:34.651
I definitely don't just let them lay on the couch.

00:26:34.651 --> 00:26:36.375
I did let some during.

00:26:36.375 --> 00:26:37.986
Covid, she ate a lot of frosting.

00:26:38.667 --> 00:26:40.252
I mean, let's just do it Whatever.

00:26:40.252 --> 00:26:47.718
Sometimes I'm like you got to eat something, man, I'm going to go get you some donuts, it's like whatever, but I will say there's some.

00:26:47.718 --> 00:26:54.990
I am a little curious to see and this is just a mom speaking, not a therapist, I'm curious to see just a mom speaking, not a therapist.

00:26:54.990 --> 00:27:06.578
I'm curious to see, like, are we as as parents, right now, parenting, so sensitive to it that we're like overshooting, like what are our kids?

00:27:06.578 --> 00:27:23.038
You know, my, my goal is that my kids are going to be better parents, better partners than I, my husband and I are, and I'm sure my parents had that, you know, goal for me and you know, and maybe not the generations before, they were just trying to survive the great depression or whatever.

00:27:23.038 --> 00:27:25.488
But so I'll be curious to see what is.

00:27:25.488 --> 00:27:33.244
They'll know more, probably about nutritional value, but are we too worried about it?

00:27:33.244 --> 00:27:34.186
I don't know.

00:27:34.186 --> 00:27:35.810
That's just sometimes what I wonder.

00:27:35.830 --> 00:27:40.708
I feel like if you were in my house, you would never even think twice about it because it's so normalized.

00:27:40.708 --> 00:27:46.547
It's just like when I started doing it it wasn't normalized and I had to actively think about it.

00:27:46.547 --> 00:27:53.528
But now it's more like when I hear somebody say the F word fat or I hear let's finish our plate.

00:27:53.528 --> 00:27:56.736
My head is on a swivel and I'm like what is your problem?

00:27:56.756 --> 00:27:57.538
I hear let's finish our plate.

00:27:57.538 --> 00:28:00.265
My head is on a swivel and I'm like what is your problem?

00:28:00.265 --> 00:28:18.098
And it may be that I just don't hear that stuff as much because my parents do, kind of just let me do with my kids and my in-laws aren't always around as much, so there's, they're not parenting, they're not the grandparents that are coming to parent my kids around mealtime, and we've set some boundaries around that too, like when you're here, you're here to hang with your grandchildren.

00:28:18.098 --> 00:28:24.972
So it could also be that I don't hear the F word and I don't hear the finish your plate or what that all looks like.

00:28:24.972 --> 00:28:27.865
So that that could also be part of it for me.

00:28:28.489 --> 00:28:30.840
Well, I think my parents are definitely growing in a big way.

00:28:30.840 --> 00:28:32.346
I think they're actively more like.

00:28:32.346 --> 00:28:37.038
My parents do a good job about thinking about things that are important to us as their kids.

00:28:37.038 --> 00:28:44.531
So when I started talking about it they were, you know, like more curious than anything because it wasn't something they'd heard before.

00:28:45.644 --> 00:28:49.095
Well, there's also so much information out there now.

00:28:49.095 --> 00:28:55.773
Right Like we do with what we have at our disposal, so were our parents doing us a disservice?

00:28:55.773 --> 00:28:58.413
No, but it's just how things were.

00:28:58.413 --> 00:29:02.256
Everything was fat free in the eighties and all you know it was kind of the marketing.

00:29:03.305 --> 00:29:14.758
Yeah, it was the marketing side of things, and so honestly say, my dad really did instill a love of like trusting your body and being strong and working out and like it's okay to be sweaty.

00:29:15.727 --> 00:29:17.705
You know, like there's a lot of like cause.

00:29:17.705 --> 00:29:21.104
He also was like a very physical person in that like he could build things.

00:29:21.104 --> 00:29:22.468
He would build our deck Like there was.

00:29:22.468 --> 00:29:29.873
I could understand how that really benefited us and I've always put a lot of time into like exercise.

00:29:29.873 --> 00:29:32.157
I used to be more for aesthetic.

00:29:32.157 --> 00:29:40.353
Now it's because I feel like in your forties you start to realize that if you don't put the time in now, we're not talking about what size your bikini is.

00:29:40.373 --> 00:29:55.172
We're talking about bone density and like mental health issues whatever comes along with that so there's a greater respect for it, and I think, but I think that his goal at the time was still very pure, like he wanted us to know that you needed to take good care of yourself.

00:29:55.573 --> 00:30:01.214
Yes, and I do do that, and the messaging is just different everywhere of what it all is.

00:30:01.214 --> 00:30:06.952
Well, let me ask you guys this, because I do have the 12-year-old who I know is going to start asking me for social media.

00:30:06.952 --> 00:30:09.374
We gave her a phone sooner than we thought we would.

00:30:09.374 --> 00:30:12.494
We gave her one going into sixth grade, but that's been nice.

00:30:12.494 --> 00:30:14.751
She lets us know when the bus isn't coming.

00:30:14.751 --> 00:30:21.526
All that stuff that's been helpful.

00:30:21.526 --> 00:30:22.449
And she's very responsible with her phone.

00:30:22.449 --> 00:30:23.330
She puts it on the charger every night.

00:30:23.330 --> 00:30:24.433
It's not in her room, it's not on her at all times.

00:30:24.433 --> 00:30:29.811
I know she's going to start wanting social media like Instagram and Snapchat, which I am like.

00:30:29.811 --> 00:30:39.673
No, but I struggle with Snapchat because I hear from clients that's how middle school, early high school age kids communicate.

00:30:39.673 --> 00:30:43.737
They don't text on like they don't do messaging through the phone.

00:30:43.737 --> 00:30:46.780
So when should I give Layla social media?

00:30:46.780 --> 00:30:47.141
Girls?

00:30:50.813 --> 00:30:52.682
You know, we were going to ask you this.

00:30:52.766 --> 00:30:54.144
This is like one of our things we were going to talk to you about.

00:30:54.144 --> 00:30:57.413
Yeah, because Snapchat does really scare me.

00:30:57.835 --> 00:30:58.537
Scares me.

00:30:59.684 --> 00:31:10.121
And I know of a local situation where actually somebody's Snapchat came back to potentially have them lose their football scholarship for college.

00:31:10.121 --> 00:31:17.795
Because of a screenshot that somebody else took and they're kissing kids so high level without saying cause.

00:31:17.795 --> 00:31:20.650
I mean, I don't know and we're going to, we're going to unpack this together.

00:31:20.650 --> 00:31:25.950
Yeah, I do think I wish and I would be happy to do it.

00:31:25.950 --> 00:31:30.111
So if you're local and you want us to come and talk about it as a gritty gal team, we can.

00:31:30.613 --> 00:31:43.625
I really wish that we were putting more into these teenagers about what the repercussions are and how to be safe, whether it's like an old school assembly or something like that, I don't think anyone on that football team.

00:31:43.625 --> 00:31:56.669
I think they talked about practice and they talked about drills and they talked about warmups, but nobody said you should never put your uniform on and do this anywhere that there's going to be a photograph taken.

00:31:57.412 --> 00:31:59.932
Right, yeah, because that kid may not have taken the picture.

00:32:00.285 --> 00:32:07.076
Somebody else could have taken the picture and then a little like war cry about the next game and they were getting each other pumped.

00:32:07.464 --> 00:32:08.507
But the way that he said.

00:32:08.528 --> 00:32:12.056
What he said got misconstrued by somebody on purpose.

00:32:12.436 --> 00:32:12.857
Oh gosh.

00:32:13.306 --> 00:32:21.771
And it potentially cost him a very nice football scholarship, and that's just devastating to me holding them Okay.

00:32:21.771 --> 00:32:30.017
So, as a parent, one thing I hate is when we hold kids to an accountability that we don't hold ourselves to as adults, and I think that's unfair.

00:32:30.017 --> 00:32:34.770
Amen, take a kid and take away his opportunity.

00:32:34.770 --> 00:32:41.874
Because we didn't say very clearly multiple times you were engaging in dangerous behavior.

00:32:42.276 --> 00:32:45.428
This is what it looks like to be on social media unprotected.

00:32:45.428 --> 00:32:51.186
We talk about unprotected sex, but we don't talk about what it looks like to navigate these waters.

00:32:51.186 --> 00:32:55.076
And then we just expect them to live in an adult world, and we haven't been clear.

00:32:55.984 --> 00:32:58.227
Yeah, I always hate the argument of well, we have to teach them how to properly an adult world and we haven't been clear.

00:32:58.227 --> 00:33:01.576
Yeah, I always hate the argument of well, we have to teach them how to properly use a phone.

00:33:01.576 --> 00:33:02.922
I'm like I don't even.

00:33:02.922 --> 00:33:08.817
I have fallen asleep scrolling on Instagram the past three nights, like I'm not properly using my phone.

00:33:08.817 --> 00:33:12.644
How am I supposed to teach my 12 year old how to properly use the phone?

00:33:13.105 --> 00:33:15.108
You can hide on your phone.

00:33:17.272 --> 00:33:18.193
It's wild.

00:33:18.193 --> 00:33:21.579
It is wild and I will say they do.

00:33:21.579 --> 00:33:23.568
Layla was at.

00:33:23.568 --> 00:33:25.013
She was at a charter school.

00:33:25.013 --> 00:33:40.087
She's now at the neighborhood middle school, but she was at a charter school and so I know that they did some like cyber safety stuff and I feel like they do, they probably will, and like the guidance classes talk about it.

00:33:40.087 --> 00:33:41.069
So she'll know.

00:33:41.210 --> 00:33:45.605
Like I go through her phone and I was really proud of her one day.

00:33:45.605 --> 00:33:50.377
I could tell that somebody was trying to bait her Like what do you think of so-and-so?

00:33:50.377 --> 00:33:52.549
And she was like she's great, I love her.

00:33:52.549 --> 00:33:58.228
Or she was like well, I'm mad at her, she hasn't been, she's so, she's still so mad at me.

00:33:58.228 --> 00:33:59.835
And Layla's response was give her time.

00:33:59.835 --> 00:34:03.808
I was like I'm so proud of you for not like falling into the trap.

00:34:03.808 --> 00:34:07.178
And she's like oh, mom, I know they, they taught us.

00:34:07.178 --> 00:34:16.795
So she took in the information, but I'm also not a fool to know that she's still going to be 13, 14, 15.

00:34:16.795 --> 00:34:26.577
And they can sometimes have all that information and still be a 16 year old, and so like that's the the fine line.

00:34:26.577 --> 00:34:31.269
Nobody has a phone in their room like we did to get all tangled up in the court anymore.

00:34:31.269 --> 00:34:36.956
Right, that is the the mo.

00:34:36.976 --> 00:34:41.447
That is how they connect, so it's so hard to maneuver.

00:34:41.447 --> 00:34:45.306
So that's one of the reasons we were like, okay, we're going to give her a phone, but you're not.

00:34:45.306 --> 00:34:47.994
You're probably going to be the last of your friends to get social media.

00:34:48.505 --> 00:34:48.625
Yeah.

00:34:49.447 --> 00:34:50.833
But then I'm probably going to struggle with that.

00:34:51.445 --> 00:34:54.972
I personally hate it, even though I work in the marketing space.

00:34:54.972 --> 00:34:56.213
Like I hate it.

00:34:56.213 --> 00:35:00.628
I truly, truly hate it Just because I do.

00:35:00.628 --> 00:35:16.498
I think it's such a time suck when I could be doing other things that are better for myself personally mental health, my family and I just you know, I think, putting that responsibility on a kid they don't have that buffer of.

00:35:16.498 --> 00:35:19.887
Oh, I need to stop what I'm doing because it's mindless.

00:35:19.887 --> 00:35:25.119
And I mean again, this is easy for me to say because she's nine, but I mean.

00:35:25.887 --> 00:35:27.710
I see it now with the iPad already.

00:35:27.710 --> 00:35:37.838
So I mean about three weeks ago she started getting super sassy, super, super sassy and I was like no more iPad at all during the week.

00:35:37.838 --> 00:35:42.525
So, now we don't do that at all during the school week, cause it's just like you know.

00:35:42.525 --> 00:35:43.548
I need you present.

00:35:43.608 --> 00:35:45.976
We're on week three of earning it back right now.

00:35:45.976 --> 00:35:48.514
Yeah, it's like you got this week to earn it back, yep.

00:35:48.594 --> 00:35:49.981
And that's just the iPad.

00:35:49.981 --> 00:35:55.213
I can't even imagine throwing friends and conversations and conflict into it.

00:35:55.213 --> 00:35:58.498
Just, I'm going to hold out as long as I can.

00:35:59.125 --> 00:36:01.550
One thing I will say oh sorry, no, you go ahead.

00:36:01.550 --> 00:36:02.753
Well, I was going to.

00:36:02.753 --> 00:36:05.389
I can actually do a reel about this or a post.

00:36:05.389 --> 00:36:10.972
It's not about the conversations they're having with friends, cause I think those are significantly more dangerous, but there are.

00:36:10.972 --> 00:36:17.036
There is a way deep in your settings to actually turn off their exposure to certain things.

00:36:17.786 --> 00:36:22.177
You can actually do it by keyword and you can enter as many as you want.

00:36:22.177 --> 00:36:35.759
So go in and add things like if it's sex, if it's diet, if it's fat, like you can go term by term and you can actually limit what the algorithm will show on that Instagram.

00:36:35.759 --> 00:36:38.293
Like you can basically cause I turned mine off.

00:36:38.293 --> 00:36:39.005
I kind of.

00:36:39.005 --> 00:36:48.246
I think I did the post maybe two years ago on mine and I specifically showed people how to turn off diet culture in your Instagram Cause I was getting intimidated with this like summer body.

00:36:48.246 --> 00:36:50.672
I think that's how I started it with the summer body idea.

00:36:50.672 --> 00:36:53.786
Yeah, um, but, and I'll post hot girl summer.

00:36:54.528 --> 00:36:55.431
Yeah, right.

00:36:55.612 --> 00:36:56.474
We're in Charleston.

00:36:56.474 --> 00:36:57.677
It's always a hot girl summer.

00:36:57.677 --> 00:36:58.965
We're hot, it's hot.

00:36:58.985 --> 00:37:02.976
I saw a post the other day that was like why are we saying summer body?

00:37:02.976 --> 00:37:06.074
Like when did this become a battlefield from April to August?

00:37:06.074 --> 00:37:07.625
Like please stop Right.

00:37:07.644 --> 00:37:08.989
Right, yeah, let's just go swim.

00:37:09.469 --> 00:37:14.670
You can limit some of that from the backend and I'll I'll talk about how to do that.

00:37:14.670 --> 00:37:15.311
I'm happy to.

00:37:15.311 --> 00:37:17.036
I haven't thought that existed until just now.

00:37:19.469 --> 00:37:23.617
Yeah, I like that, one of the things that I do, and we didn't tell Layla to do this.

00:37:23.617 --> 00:37:30.949
But it's just, this happened, like I said, she turns it in at the end of the night and she kind of knows.

00:37:30.949 --> 00:37:33.994
And I'll have clients that are like, well, they make me turn in my phone at 9.30.

00:37:33.994 --> 00:37:37.599
And I'm like good, what are you doing past 930?

00:37:37.599 --> 00:37:44.427
Yeah, you don't need to be on.

00:37:44.447 --> 00:37:46.190
So I do think, as parents, what are the boundaries we're able to set around those phones?

00:37:46.190 --> 00:37:58.380
And kind of mentally preparing yourselves a little bit, you know, like I'll want to take her phone away because of something probably very small, but it's like that is her her thing.

00:37:58.380 --> 00:37:59.646
Well, I say small because she doesn't.

00:37:59.646 --> 00:38:02.431
Usually she's a pretty good kid, and so I.

00:38:02.431 --> 00:38:05.018
But that's her thing, that's her currency.

00:38:05.018 --> 00:38:08.851
But then I don't want to take her phone because her phones.

00:38:08.851 --> 00:38:13.469
If the bus isn't right or I need to go pick her up early, how do I?

00:38:13.469 --> 00:38:22.246
And so I'll say you can take your phone, but do not turn it on on the bus, on the way home, on the way there, and I can tell if you've been on your phone, so like.

00:38:22.568 --> 00:38:28.007
But then there was a time where, like phone's not going to school with you for the next two days and you just leave it here and it's not a big deal.

00:38:28.608 --> 00:38:41.306
And then I went to go text her that I was coming to pick her up and I was like are you ready for some of the inconvenience of giving it and then having to take it away?

00:38:41.306 --> 00:38:48.128
But I do think turning it in at the end of the at a specific time is very appropriate.

00:38:48.128 --> 00:38:52.989
And we still tell her like we'll get in the car and she gets on her phone and I'm like did you ask to use that?

00:38:52.989 --> 00:38:59.126
So there's still some permission granting that needs to be on it because she is only 12.

00:38:59.126 --> 00:39:00.992
She's young and so.

00:39:00.992 --> 00:39:07.391
But I knew the friend that sixth grade was when I started talking to friends on phones and we don't have a house phone like that.

00:39:07.391 --> 00:39:10.385
So I was like there is, I gave it.

00:39:10.385 --> 00:39:24.358
She got it a lot sooner than we thought she would, but because I saw the social aspect she went to summer camp and she gets numbers and then they're all talking and so that was why we gave it sooner.

00:39:25.065 --> 00:39:25.105
We.

00:39:25.105 --> 00:39:30.438
So I will say this pilot has a phone, so, but we're in a different circumstance.

00:39:30.438 --> 00:39:32.949
You are very different circumstance.

00:39:32.949 --> 00:39:34.956
I'm not surprised to hear that conversation.

00:39:34.956 --> 00:39:44.266
So she has a phone, so there's no internet but you don't have to have like she can't, as in she can't surf, there's no internet on it, it's a kid's phone.

00:39:44.447 --> 00:39:46.150
It's a Samsung, so it's a phone phone.

00:39:46.150 --> 00:39:49.958
Oh yeah, and it's like off of.

00:39:49.958 --> 00:39:53.851
I got it off Amazon and you pay monthly.

00:39:53.851 --> 00:39:56.677
But she doesn't have to have internet to use it.

00:39:56.677 --> 00:39:58.161
She can call me at any time.

00:39:58.702 --> 00:39:59.362
Oh, that's awesome.

00:39:59.465 --> 00:40:09.152
And it has music and it has calling and texting, that's great we did it because obviously we're in this divorce and I got it for them for Christmas and she'll use it to talk to me whenever.

00:40:09.152 --> 00:40:12.092
It's like a kid's jitterbug.

00:40:12.505 --> 00:40:13.489
You remember the jitterbug?

00:40:13.489 --> 00:40:18.300
Yeah, yeah, for like old people when phones came out, yeah, it was like a kid's jitterbug.

00:40:18.784 --> 00:40:20.110
It literally looks just like an iPhone.

00:40:20.110 --> 00:40:20.934
It's a Samsung.

00:40:20.934 --> 00:40:25.170
It took me a little bit to use an iPhone, but it's a gab phone and so far, so good.

00:40:25.170 --> 00:40:39.396
I had a friend who got it first and somehow somebody got her daughter's number and randomly was like what's your favorite color, when's your birthday?

00:40:39.396 --> 00:40:40.929
And she caught it really fast.

00:40:40.929 --> 00:40:54.025
I know, but she caught it really fast and at a fairly young age they got to have a pretty important conversation because there's no internet involved yet and there's no social media and she was like listen, it's like the new stranger danger.

00:40:54.025 --> 00:41:01.518
And so it's opened up some of these conversations that I'm not mad about having because I'm like you live in a different world than I lived in.

00:41:01.518 --> 00:41:05.755
So she immediately was like because we can see on our phones what's going on in the gap phone?

00:41:06.865 --> 00:41:15.135
So she immediately is like hold on, unless you know who that person is, unless you know unless they're a conversation to have.

00:41:15.135 --> 00:41:25.192
Like we don't share our personal information, we don't send pictures, and her daughter, of course, was like I didn't send a picture, but we know, what is potentially coming.

00:41:26.054 --> 00:41:26.695
So I'm like okay.

00:41:26.715 --> 00:41:42.893
Well, after her and I had this heart to heart conversation about this phone, I felt a lot better about it because I liked the idea of okay if we don't have to rush into every conversation at once and we can sort of cascade like we don't share our favorite color with somebody we don't know.

00:41:43.534 --> 00:41:49.114
It seems innocent, but I love that you're saying that it's the stepping stone, right?

00:41:49.114 --> 00:41:55.739
So when Layla learned what she did this year, it was of a sexual content.

00:41:55.739 --> 00:41:59.376
But I have been slowly having conversation.

00:41:59.376 --> 00:42:02.936
I didn't just sit down and say let's talk about sex and let me completely freak you out.

00:42:02.936 --> 00:42:06.452
I talked to her about.

00:42:06.733 --> 00:42:12.137
You know, she's my daughter, so she sees me with tampons and she's like well, what are those?

00:42:12.137 --> 00:42:14.273
Well, I get a period and this is what it is.

00:42:14.273 --> 00:42:16.550
This is your eggs getting ready to have a baby.

00:42:16.550 --> 00:42:18.677
And every month, if you don't get pregnant, you know I get a period and this is what it is.

00:42:18.677 --> 00:42:19.679
This is your eggs getting ready to have a baby.

00:42:19.679 --> 00:42:20.862
And every month, if you don't get pregnant, you know I.

00:42:20.862 --> 00:42:27.557
So I walk her through what a cycle is, and then I walk her through like, okay, an egg and a sperm make a baby.

00:42:27.557 --> 00:42:29.452
She never asked where the sperm came from.

00:42:29.452 --> 00:42:32.835
If she did, I would have to share that then, Right.

00:42:32.835 --> 00:42:46.052
But then as she got a little older'm like, okay, now I need to tell you where the sperm comes from, and then we had the set.

00:42:46.052 --> 00:42:46.875
So she kind of had the mechanics behind.

00:42:46.875 --> 00:42:47.396
Yeah, some of these things.

00:42:47.416 --> 00:42:48.621
So when I talked about sex it was still oh my god, that's oh.

00:42:48.621 --> 00:42:53.916
I don't want to say what she said on a podcast because I don't want to embarrass her, but maybe at the next school functional.

00:42:53.916 --> 00:42:54.748
It was hysterical.

00:42:54.748 --> 00:43:05.978
It's like all my girlfriends that I share it with are like oh yeah, that's probably very appropriate, but she was just like mortified by all of it, which, as you are, when you hear that the first time.

00:43:05.978 --> 00:43:11.434
But having those stepping stones that I started with her probably second grade, let's talk about a cycle.

00:43:11.434 --> 00:43:12.938
The egg makes the baby.

00:43:12.938 --> 00:43:14.650
She didn't ask any more questions.

00:43:14.650 --> 00:43:17.494
If she did, I would have clarified, but I, the egg makes the baby.

00:43:17.494 --> 00:43:18.257
She didn't ask any more questions.

00:43:18.257 --> 00:43:20.125
If she did, I would have clarified, but I just kept with what I gave her and we moved on.

00:43:20.505 --> 00:43:22.835
So, and like you're saying, so you start these.

00:43:22.835 --> 00:43:33.750
We only talk to people that we know on a phone and we only do this and and it, and especially cause it can be hard these kids get each other's numbers and then they text and it's like hey, is this Layla?

00:43:33.750 --> 00:43:34.791
Layla's like, hey, is this Layla?

00:43:34.791 --> 00:43:36.012
Layla's like, yeah, who is this?

00:43:36.012 --> 00:43:39.177
And they'll be playful, Like, oh, I'm not telling you.

00:43:39.177 --> 00:43:42.260
And I'm like is this really just a kid from class being playful?

00:43:42.260 --> 00:43:50.170
Don't tell them your name until they tell you you know.

00:43:50.170 --> 00:43:51.594
Or how are you exchanging numbers so that it makes sense?

00:43:51.594 --> 00:44:04.405
And so to have the bigger conversations, we have to be planting the smaller seeds along the way, right Like if we're trying to change the course with a 15, 16 year old, the course the map's already kind of made.

00:44:04.405 --> 00:44:07.155
And so what are we planting when they're younger?

00:44:07.155 --> 00:44:10.987
And it sounds like you're both already doing some of that.

00:44:11.168 --> 00:44:13.815
I think we're just trying really hard, like you, to think about it.

00:44:13.815 --> 00:44:19.148
So I'm like when this friend said that about the because at first I was just.

00:44:19.148 --> 00:44:26.117
I went back and forth and I was really torn about what to do, but I wanted to be able to communicate very freely and I didn't think full disclosure.

00:44:26.117 --> 00:44:37.746
I didn't think it was going to be the healthiest thing for my ex-husband and I to constantly be like we want to talk to our kids, but that doesn't mean we want to talk to each other every five.

00:44:38.329 --> 00:44:54.646
It's not because, then, if he's busy, because you're not by your phone all the time and you're like I'm just trying to talk to my daughter's work, not saying you would do that, but I hear that, yeah, you feel like they have a control over your access to your children, which is not true of what's happening.

00:44:54.646 --> 00:44:56.510
But when you want to talk to your kids, you want to talk to your kids.

00:44:56.871 --> 00:45:20.070
Well, and sometimes I feel like to us always talking puts us back in this husband wife dynamic, which we already decided wasn't the best place for us to be, and so I don't always want it to be going through this channel of like, like you said, control or even having us unpack, whether it's something that happened at school every five seconds or like I want to be careful about that too.

00:45:20.070 --> 00:45:29.135
So we got the phones, but if she hadn't said oh, this thing that was kind of scary, happened, but this is how I handled it and I love her parenting advice, so I.

00:45:29.295 --> 00:45:33.208
it was a great conversation anyways, but I was like you know what I actually liked that better.

00:45:33.208 --> 00:45:35.731
I would rather we slowly move into that.

00:45:35.731 --> 00:45:42.219
But to your point, even about sex, I think that I need to apply that even more globally.

00:45:42.219 --> 00:45:47.318
In general, Like I don't, sometimes I shy away from that stuff and then sometimes I think back and I'm like I shouldn't have done that.

00:45:47.719 --> 00:45:49.715
Or have the conversation, but you're still young enough.

00:45:49.715 --> 00:45:50.605
You can get to the candidates.

00:45:50.664 --> 00:45:52.632
Well, I do want to do a shout out real quick.

00:45:52.632 --> 00:45:54.027
So I am not one out real quick, so I am not one.

00:45:54.027 --> 00:46:07.610
I was extremely nervous to have that conversation with Clark and so there's a class locally here in Mount Pleasant called Girlology, put on by Coastal Pediatrics.

00:46:07.610 --> 00:46:08.851
They did a phenomenal job.

00:46:08.851 --> 00:46:13.989
They have one for little girls talking about periods and all the things there.

00:46:13.989 --> 00:46:28.333
They also have a, a reproductive one, which I may do later because they talk about the science of it but then also address, like the names that kids will hear about, bras and balls, testicles, like it.

00:46:28.353 --> 00:46:40.230
Just it was really good because it just really started a conversation with her that I was extremely nervous to have, and so now she asked me all these, my daughter is such a thinker like me?

00:46:40.230 --> 00:46:49.668
She has all these questions but it opened up the door to where we could have those conversations and it's a lot more comfortable for me because she knows the mechanics behind it.

00:46:49.909 --> 00:46:54.045
Yeah, I had a client tell me about Girlology Layla was.

00:46:54.045 --> 00:46:55.126
I asked her, would you?

00:46:55.126 --> 00:46:56.449
But she's like I'm not doing that.

00:46:56.449 --> 00:47:03.918
It was like she was like fifth grade but I've heard good, I've heard really.

00:47:03.958 --> 00:47:08.913
But, like you said, it's like we think we have to go in and all of a sudden talk to them about sex.

00:47:08.913 --> 00:47:12.387
There's so much mechanics that go behind it.

00:47:12.387 --> 00:47:18.119
And then that also like some of the stuff, with Layla being so mortified by the idea I said.

00:47:18.119 --> 00:47:20.510
It's not always just about making a baby.

00:47:20.510 --> 00:47:24.791
Sometimes it's about it's someone you love and it's the intimacy that comes with that.

00:47:24.791 --> 00:47:31.898
So I like planted that seed because I'm sure in a couple of years that's going to be a very necessary conversation.

00:47:31.898 --> 00:47:36.306
So but it is, it's just, I know it's so fun, but keep it simple Like that.

00:47:36.327 --> 00:47:39.309
I know it's so fun, it makes me sweat, but keep it simple.

00:47:39.309 --> 00:47:47.559
I do think when I talked to Layla about the thing a couple weeks ago that we had to talk about, I just kept it simple.

00:47:47.559 --> 00:47:52.632
Yeah, it can just be factual.

00:47:52.632 --> 00:47:55.007
It is what it is and this is something that happens.

00:47:55.579 --> 00:47:57.266
You know we got to get gritty here.

00:47:58.349 --> 00:47:58.851
I'll do it.

00:47:59.239 --> 00:48:03.489
Do you get into the other stuff?

00:48:04.311 --> 00:48:05.193
Like oral sex.

00:48:05.820 --> 00:48:08.382
Well, yeah, because I'm like surely there's From a Southerner.

00:48:08.402 --> 00:48:10.050
I was like how is Jenny going to say this?

00:48:10.050 --> 00:48:13.030
Because I already know where she's going, but she's like Palatio Is that a know where she's going?

00:48:13.050 --> 00:48:13.554
but she's like Felicio.

00:48:13.554 --> 00:48:13.858
Is that it for?

00:48:13.878 --> 00:48:14.000
others.

00:48:14.460 --> 00:48:21.471
Well, I mean, you hear all these names at school and I guess I would rather the dialogue be coming from me than somebody else.

00:48:21.490 --> 00:48:29.231
So it's like Well, let me I'm just going to put a little for other parents listening.

00:48:29.231 --> 00:48:31.146
So that was something.

00:48:31.146 --> 00:48:32.523
That's what we were exposed to.

00:48:32.523 --> 00:48:35.865
Somebody brought a book to school that had circulated around TikTok.

00:48:35.865 --> 00:48:37.570
It's called Icebreakers.

00:48:37.570 --> 00:48:45.009
If you look at the cover, it looks very like all the kids' books.

00:48:45.009 --> 00:48:50.548
It's about a relationship between a hockey player and a figure skater, and I got a call from this book.

00:48:50.568 --> 00:48:51.391
I read Icebreaker.

00:48:53.440 --> 00:48:54.706
Wait, so you know what book.

00:48:54.706 --> 00:48:55.668
You know what book it is.

00:48:56.280 --> 00:48:58.768
I literally read it, this summer, of course you would Cause.

00:48:58.847 --> 00:48:59.449
it's the smut.

00:49:01.764 --> 00:49:03.047
It was a really hot book.

00:49:03.047 --> 00:49:03.969
I'm not going to lie.

00:49:04.009 --> 00:49:05.413
Yeah, not for sixth graders.

00:49:06.161 --> 00:49:10.913
I don't know what a sixth grader is doing with it, so it has started circulating for middle school.

00:49:10.913 --> 00:49:20.070
Yes, cover looks like cart, they're hand-drawn and he is handsome and she's pretty and they're on the ice, so I could see how this would happen.

00:49:20.070 --> 00:49:28.492
It's a cartoon cover, and so I will say I was very proud of the school.

00:49:28.512 --> 00:49:31.521
I got a phone call from the school.

00:49:31.521 --> 00:49:39.686
They were like she's not in trouble, but this book has been circulating around TikTok so some kids are aware of it.

00:49:39.686 --> 00:49:46.010
Their parents are buying it because it looks very unassuming and I think the rating is actually 14.

00:49:46.010 --> 00:49:47.846
It might or maybe that one's not 14.

00:49:47.846 --> 00:49:58.688
No, and so Layla, somebody in her class brought the book up, opened it right to the page, and so we did that.

00:49:58.688 --> 00:50:04.146
But I was kind of prepared that that was going to be a topic she brought to me Maybe that's probably not good.

00:50:04.146 --> 00:50:06.164
And so we did.

00:50:06.164 --> 00:50:07.146
We talked about it.

00:50:07.146 --> 00:50:08.210
I will say her.

00:50:08.210 --> 00:50:15.233
She did say Mom, how did anybody even discover that that's something we should be doing?

00:50:15.233 --> 00:50:28.240
And so but we just I said Yep, we didn't get into depth about it, it was just very it.

00:50:28.240 --> 00:50:32.773
It breaks your heart a little bit as a parent because you're like that's the innocence of it.

00:50:32.773 --> 00:50:37.507
But so, yeah, that book is going around for middle schoolers.

00:50:37.507 --> 00:50:38.329
So I can.

00:50:39.661 --> 00:50:43.429
I'll post a picture of this book, just to be on the lookout for it.

00:50:43.969 --> 00:50:54.387
Yeah, and cause the school like the count the teacher knew to confiscate it, like that's how the probably, probably in Rebecca's book club.

00:50:54.980 --> 00:50:57.909
I'm going to say should we add it to our book club rotation?

00:51:00.324 --> 00:51:03.271
I hate that it's in school, but it was actually a really hot book.

00:51:03.532 --> 00:51:04.985
Okay, I'm adding it to my cart.

00:51:05.266 --> 00:51:15.150
Yeah, and so some of the books you can get different covers now maybe see if there's like one that isn't so cartoony and definitely just put it up, yeah, okay.

00:51:15.672 --> 00:51:16.494
Right I.

00:51:16.494 --> 00:51:20.465
But to kind of go back to what you were asking, jenny, about, like, is this what we have to talk about?

00:51:20.465 --> 00:51:31.244
I'm kind of of the school of thought, like there are some things you are just meant to learn from your girlfriends and you're like you're meant to learn just in growing up.

00:51:31.244 --> 00:51:41.221
As parents, we can be aware and we can be in tune, as we should be, that these are conversations they're probably having with friends, or we know what the conversations are.

00:51:41.221 --> 00:51:42.422
We all have them ourselves.

00:51:42.463 --> 00:51:54.713
So I do think there's a level of where some things are just natural to learn in childhood and adolescence and teenage life, of growing up.

00:51:54.713 --> 00:52:09.222
But if we have set the stage, as a parent, that I'm not going to freak out when you come to talk to me about some freaky kink that you heard somebody was into, you know what is that, but you want to know the doors open.

00:52:09.222 --> 00:52:12.606
I'm not going to freak out, I'm not going to say you can't hang out with that person anymore.

00:52:12.606 --> 00:52:19.840
So I think it is all about just the stage that we're setting for so many conversations.

00:52:20.322 --> 00:52:21.525
So many conversations?

00:52:21.525 --> 00:52:24.003
Yeah, yeah, back to the very beginning.

00:52:24.003 --> 00:52:26.809
I think, yeah, that's so important.

00:52:26.809 --> 00:52:33.686
I push myself every day to keep the conversation as open as possible, and there are days I'm reactive and I just want to kick myself.

00:52:33.686 --> 00:52:35.268
Well, you're human.

00:52:35.590 --> 00:52:44.061
There's days our kids are reactive too, so we're showing them that that's good and we go back and it's like, okay, I probably shouldn't have given you that advice.

00:52:44.061 --> 00:52:45.184
What do you think you should do?

00:52:45.184 --> 00:52:46.708
It's actually adorable.

00:52:46.708 --> 00:52:49.422
I will watch Layla give Maxwell advice.

00:52:49.422 --> 00:52:56.211
Actually, she gave him advice one day and then in the morning before he went to school he told us what that advice was.

00:52:56.211 --> 00:53:03.512
I had worked late that night and John was like, oh, I didn't even think to check in on the advice she was giving him to make sure it was helpful.

00:53:03.512 --> 00:53:07.793
We're like that's good advice, but let's hold off on that for a minute.

00:53:07.793 --> 00:53:14.952
So it's nice to see you might start seeing that with Pilot, pilot and summit, like just the.

00:53:14.952 --> 00:53:18.929
If you're creating the stage for conversations, they'll happen.

00:53:18.929 --> 00:53:24.130
And some kids don't want to talk about a lot of stuff and some kids do.

00:53:24.130 --> 00:53:27.262
But if the stage is set, yeah, no, I think this is.

00:53:27.663 --> 00:53:29.226
This was a really good conversation.

00:53:29.949 --> 00:53:30.190
Good.

00:53:30.190 --> 00:53:34.780
Well, I loved it too, cause hearing, hearing your tips too, I'm like, oh good.

00:53:34.780 --> 00:53:41.565
So the therapist is just as confused as the marketing people as to what we should do with social media for our kids.

00:53:41.684 --> 00:54:04.911
I know that there are things we can turn on and turn off, and then I I do think it's really scary, but I also think this and I said this the other day, I think I was saying it to you I was like I don't know if it was easier back in the day either, when we didn't have social, because I do think that we weren't as aware and I think I think I used the example of even like family members that weren't trustworthy, and that wasn't my experience.

00:54:04.911 --> 00:54:15.726
But I do know other women who went to grandparents' house or went to aunts and uncles' houses and were exposed to a cousin or an uncle or a friend who was very.

00:54:15.726 --> 00:54:20.141
We just saw this thing about the sleepover and the dad that drugged all the girls.

00:54:20.141 --> 00:54:22.525
Oh, my God, yes.

00:54:22.646 --> 00:54:29.967
I think the reason that she's safe is because she had a phone and I did sleepovers all the time as a kid.

00:54:29.967 --> 00:54:33.806
But I don't let my kids do them now and I just think I don't.

00:54:33.806 --> 00:54:38.269
I sort of refuse to believe that life is more dangerous or less dangerous.

00:54:38.269 --> 00:54:41.206
I just think that the dangers are very different.

00:54:41.947 --> 00:54:43.592
And we're more like you said, we're more aware.

00:54:43.592 --> 00:54:45.666
I love.

00:54:45.666 --> 00:54:49.675
When I talk to my mom she'll say parenting's no different.

00:54:49.675 --> 00:54:53.885
You had the friends that were like this and the friends that were like this and the super you know.

00:54:53.885 --> 00:54:55.389
Whatever she says, it's no different.

00:54:55.389 --> 00:54:58.063
You all just have way too much information at your hands.

00:54:58.664 --> 00:55:11.326
She said I think it's great and I think it can be paralyzing at the same time, and so she's like times are different because of social media, but humans are still humans.

00:55:11.326 --> 00:55:13.233
People are still people.

00:55:13.233 --> 00:55:14.016
You know.

00:55:14.016 --> 00:55:15.862
Patterns of behavior are still similar.

00:55:15.862 --> 00:55:18.108
There's just a different level of knowledge and exposure.

00:55:18.108 --> 00:55:22.568
For sure, but, like you said, it could be a huge safety line as well.

00:55:22.648 --> 00:55:24.112
So yeah, I mean I there's.

00:55:24.112 --> 00:55:29.340
There's a part of me that's like the very positive part of me that's not like Pollyanna positive.

00:55:29.340 --> 00:55:37.152
But I'm like, wait a minute, I love perspective and so I'm like I just really refuse to see the evil in everything or only the good in anything.

00:55:37.152 --> 00:55:38.454
I just I don't know.

00:55:39.159 --> 00:55:40.181
It opens so many doors.

00:55:40.181 --> 00:55:43.068
There is a world outside of Mount Pleasant.

00:55:43.068 --> 00:55:45.882
Right, we're not all just, and so I think it.

00:55:45.882 --> 00:55:47.643
It can be great we just.

00:55:47.643 --> 00:55:55.215
At the end of the day, I think parents have to be monitoring phones more than they are, and it can feel like an evasion of privacy, but I'm sorry.

00:55:55.215 --> 00:56:01.556
If it keeps you safe or keeps you from losing a scholarship or keeps you from whatever, then I'm going to guide you through that Cause.

00:56:01.556 --> 00:56:02.822
As a parent, that is my job.

00:56:02.822 --> 00:56:08.063
I have to guide you and keep you safe and teach you, because your brain is not fully developed until 25.

00:56:08.864 --> 00:56:10.527
I was like 25 or 27.

00:56:10.547 --> 00:56:11.710
That's what everybody says.

00:56:11.710 --> 00:56:14.375
Yeah, it's a long time I got married, great.

00:56:14.375 --> 00:56:20.068
Well, I know we're going to wrap up, so can I ask you guys a question about your business?

00:56:20.068 --> 00:56:25.012
So I know and I don't know, maybe some of the listeners are like Kirsten, are you not listening?

00:56:25.012 --> 00:56:25.920
They say what?

00:56:25.920 --> 00:56:29.985
What is it specifically that you guys are doing with Gritty Girl Marketing?

00:56:29.985 --> 00:56:40.501
Because I know, as we're bringing back Raising Marriage, I'm trying to I like fumble playing on Instagram and then I'm trying to figure out the branding, whatever that means.

00:56:40.501 --> 00:56:43.208
I know you had that one episode on it.

00:56:43.208 --> 00:56:46.583
It's like who do you guys help and what do can I use?

00:56:46.583 --> 00:56:47.847
How can I use you guys?

00:56:47.847 --> 00:56:48.650
How can I be a client?

00:56:50.740 --> 00:56:51.081
Jenny.

00:56:51.985 --> 00:56:54.413
Well, we, we help small businesses.

00:56:54.413 --> 00:56:55.898
I call it middle-aged marketing.

00:56:55.898 --> 00:56:58.927
Okay, that's what I call it.

00:56:58.927 --> 00:57:06.809
It's middle-aged marketing for people who are business owners and entrepreneurs who want to do marketing but just don't get it.

00:57:06.809 --> 00:57:09.014
They don't get it, they don't want to learn it.

00:57:09.014 --> 00:57:17.306
So we help them, give, we give the tools to do that, be more comfortable with it, and then we do just a lot of different things.

00:57:17.306 --> 00:57:30.262
You know, we help people with business development, helping them refine their message, who they're speaking, to find their audience and really dig into their storytelling, because everybody, every business owner specifically, has such a unique story.

00:57:30.262 --> 00:57:34.614
We just help refine that message to reach who they want to reach has such a unique story.

00:57:34.634 --> 00:57:39.500
We just help refine that message to reach who they want to reach Yep.

00:57:39.500 --> 00:57:39.780
We have them.

00:57:39.780 --> 00:57:41.425
We figure out their platforms, we figure out what's important to them.

00:57:41.425 --> 00:57:42.606
We're doing some brand guides.

00:57:42.626 --> 00:57:43.168
We're doing some different.

00:57:43.650 --> 00:57:43.949
We're doing our.

00:57:44.711 --> 00:58:13.447
When we look back at this year, I think we're going to be really surprised, because we have our hand in a couple of different pods and they're all very different, and I don't know if that's a testament to our love of human nature and always needing to be like, fueled by something different, but it could be anything from a realtor to something really big or something as small as somebody who is at the very beginning, and because we're business owners and because we're so invested in Mount Pleasant, we don't want them to lose the dream.

00:58:17.880 --> 00:58:29.210
And we also have people who work with us that eventually want to be able to do it on their own, so we give them more information and we give them more foundation than we would somebody who's like I absolutely do not have time to do this in my business.

00:58:29.210 --> 00:58:37.235
I'm not even going to answer my Instagram questions so we go as far as serving them back up to that client when they actually need the client to answer them.

00:58:37.235 --> 00:58:52.907
But in the meantime, then we take care of the backend, but we have clients who do 50% of the work and then we have places where we do 100% and then we have people that we just help learn how to jump and get their voice and their colors and their focus and their pillars.

00:58:53.268 --> 00:59:15.226
So it's what I remember that one episode you guys had a while back where you were talking about branding, so where some people are like we're just going to give you a brand and buy, and then you're like, okay, so you kind of walk through like how to do the messaging on Instagram if that's where you like I call that in therapy like okay, we have figured out the problem, or we figured out your brand, now what are you doing with it?

00:59:15.226 --> 00:59:16.445
Now, what do we do?

00:59:16.445 --> 00:59:18.746
And so you then also help with the.

00:59:18.746 --> 00:59:21.347
Okay, you have your brand, now what do you do with it?

00:59:21.780 --> 00:59:24.210
And that's really what we did when we started the business.

00:59:24.210 --> 00:59:29.873
It was more of looking around at other marketing companies and what they weren't doing.

00:59:29.873 --> 00:59:35.766
They all seem, you know, they're all.

00:59:35.766 --> 00:59:37.213
You know I'm not dogging on people in their twenties, but they're not.

00:59:37.213 --> 00:59:42.429
You know, they're either super young and are just grew up in a different time, or you know they just they just don't.

00:59:42.429 --> 00:59:43.351
They just don't know.

00:59:43.351 --> 00:59:44.159
You know what I mean.

00:59:44.159 --> 00:59:45.902
They just don't know what they don't know.

00:59:45.902 --> 00:59:56.775
And so it's just really about that's why it's called gritty is getting down to the nitty gritty of what your business needs and wants to reach your customer, which in turn obviously helps grow your business.

00:59:56.775 --> 00:59:58.887
So it's that simple.

00:59:58.887 --> 00:59:59.925
We simplify the.

01:00:00.746 --> 01:00:02.000
It's more than just a pathetic.

01:00:02.000 --> 01:00:17.992
I think the younger people are more obsessed with the way things look or appear and ultimately, that's not how you grow as a person by worrying about other people and that's not how you grow a business, and that's definitely not how you grow as a person by worrying about other people, and that's not how you grow a business and that's definitely not how you market.

01:00:18.012 --> 01:00:19.233
So that is definitely what makes us different.

01:00:19.233 --> 01:00:19.532
We are.

01:00:19.532 --> 01:00:24.465
We're not going to just hand you something pretty that you didn't even that, you weren't even really part of.

01:00:24.985 --> 01:00:26.250
Yeah, I love that.

01:00:26.380 --> 01:00:30.724
Because it's pretty, and you paid somebody so many thousands of dollars for this brand guide.

01:00:30.724 --> 01:00:34.668
That doesn't even necessarily like speak to your heart, yeah, and then what do you do with it?

01:00:34.668 --> 01:00:39.172
Yeah, If you don't know what to do with it, then it wasn't created from you or for you.

01:00:39.172 --> 01:00:39.733
Yeah.

01:00:40.534 --> 01:00:41.155
Well, thank you.

01:00:41.155 --> 01:00:50.144
I had a feeling that's what it was, but I was like I'm just going to directly ask them and you can check out our new website very soon.

01:00:50.144 --> 01:00:50.786
Yay, well, I did see.

01:00:50.786 --> 01:00:52.268
I peeked on it before I came on.

01:00:52.268 --> 01:00:54.333
I was like we're working on it.

01:00:54.393 --> 01:00:55.213
It does look very pretty.

01:00:57.182 --> 01:01:03.425
We took a break from our podcast three years ago and my goal was to return on Valentine's day, cause I just thought that would be cute.

01:01:03.425 --> 01:01:04.327
And it's now what?

01:01:04.327 --> 01:01:16.442
April, whatever, yeah, so we're coming, it's coming, the website's coming, it's all coming, but in the meantime, we're raising kids that are fine with talking.

01:01:16.461 --> 01:01:18.362
You can catch her on Spotify, right?

01:01:18.362 --> 01:01:18.864
Spotify?

01:01:18.884 --> 01:01:21.585
podcast Apple podcast the Raising.

01:01:21.646 --> 01:01:23.367
Marriage podcast with Kirsten Hatcher.

01:01:23.367 --> 01:01:24.548
You are amazing.

01:01:25.409 --> 01:01:25.650
Thank you.

01:01:25.650 --> 01:01:28.612
You guys are too, thank you, thank you so much.

01:01:29.914 --> 01:01:30.795
I really appreciate you.

01:01:31.614 --> 01:01:32.556
Appreciate you guys too.

01:01:36.182 --> 01:01:38.072
Bye everybody.

01:01:38.072 --> 01:01:39.097
See you next week.

01:01:39.097 --> 01:01:39.177
Bye.