April 3, 2025

Decision Making, Gut Instinct & Getting Beyond the "I'll Try" with Life Coach, Jennifer Sisk

Decision Making, Gut Instinct & Getting Beyond the
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Season 6

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Have you ever ignored that nagging feeling in your gut, only to wish you hadn’t? That wasn’t just anxiety or overthinking—it was your internal compass trying to steer you right.

We’re back with life coach Jennifer Sisk, making her third appearance on the show. She breaks down how to tell the difference between gut instinct and fear. Your gut is like a relentless friend who won’t stop knocking, while fear is that flighty voice in your head that comes and goes. Learning to trust your intuition can be a game-changer in relationships, careers, and big life decisions.

Jennifer shares practical tips on quieting the mental chatter through journaling, helping you hear what your gut is really saying. Plus, she explains why simply "trying" sets you up for failure, while making a firm decision unlocks your true potential.

It’s time to stop ignoring that inner voice. Trust your gut, make bold decisions, and see where it leads. Tune in now and discover how embracing your intuition can lead to bold, transformative decisions.

You can find Jennifer Sisk here:

Facebook Business: Jennifer Sisk Life Coach, LLC
Facebook Personal: Jennifer Sisk
Instagram: Jennifer Sisk Life Coach
LinkedIn: Jennifer Sisk: Certified Life Coach and Certified Positive Psychology Coach

For more mayhem, be sure to follow us:

Insta @marketingandmayhem
YouTube @MarketingMayhemPod

And don't forget to leave us a 5 star review! Or message us to deep dive into your topic or just give us feedback!

Hosted by @raebecca.miller and @jennyfromthe843

00:10 - Meet Jennifer: Life Coach Introduction

02:32 - Understanding Gut Instinct as Your Compass

05:40 - Distinguishing Gut Intuition from Mental Noise

09:30 - Why Women Second-Guess Their Instincts

17:22 - Teaching Kids to Trust Their Intuition

21:37 - Fear vs. Intuition: What's the Difference

28:44 - The Power of Journaling for Clarity

41:30 - Trying vs. Making a Decision

51:18 - Why Talking Aloud Challenges Your Thoughts

WEBVTT

00:00:10.471 --> 00:00:11.532
Good morning.

00:00:11.532 --> 00:00:14.314
Good morning, it's so good to be here.

00:00:14.976 --> 00:00:18.519
Hey Jennifer, hey everybody.

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We have a slight change today.

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Welcome to Marketing Mayhem.

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It is mayhem per use.

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Jennifer, I'm done talking about kidney stones and my dog's flatulence, so Rebecca is taking the day off.

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We are excited to have Jennifer to talk.

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All things, jennifer, you've been this is what your third time with us.

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Third time Yep, so excited Welcome.

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You're my partner in crime today, so let's get wild.

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We'll have a good time.

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A lot of things to cover.

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All right.

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So, jennifer, remind everybody what you do and all of your amazingness.

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Oh, you're the best.

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I am a certified life coach and I've been one.

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See, I think I got certified around 2017, 2018.

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And I've been going strong ever since.

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So if you have an issue, you come to me.

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You're going to come away feeling better, you're going to have an answer, you're going to have a new way to look at it, and it's pretty much that, with anything you bring to me, honestly, I guarantee it.

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I work with all ages.

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I used to be a teacher, a kindergarten teacher, for years, so I am one of the few coaches that works with all ages.

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My youngest client was nine.

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My oldest is, let's see now 81.

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So, yes, and I do phone coaching.

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I even do text coaching, which is a new thing Video coaching and I do one-on-one.

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I have a coaching area in my home I'm out of Greer, south Carolina which is about 20 minutes away from Greenville in the upstate.

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Perfect, which is where I am from, for those of you who don't know.

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So we've got a lot of.

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We met through a mutual friend of mine, heather.

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Love you Amazing, I know, and we're excited to have you again.

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So today we are talking gut instinct, and I am really excited about this topic because I am somebody who leads with my gut a lot.

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So let's start simple what is a gut instinct?

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Well, to me, it's the most basic thing that we have that we lose touch with.

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So for me, my definition of a gut instinct is your god-giving compass in life.

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He gave it to you and we can either be taught to tune into it and use it, pay attention and listen, or we can get hung up in the noise, or you can even be raised in an environment that encourages you not to pay attention to the internal parts of you and pay attention to the external noise, and you can lose touch with what even a gut instinct is.

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Sometimes I can talk to people I'm like well, tune into your gut, and they don't even know what I'm talking about.

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They have no idea what that means.

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So to me, it's your God-given compass that is your protector, essentially.

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Well, I feel like as somebody who uses my gut a good bit, but I also have a very overactive hamster on a wheel in this brain of mine.

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I feel where most women and I feel like this is a woman thing, because I have a conversation with my dad yesterday about not being able to sleep at night he's like, oh, I just lay down and decide I'm gonna go to sleep and then I go to sleep.

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I'm like what, what that must be like.

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I won't even know.

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I'm like I lay down and my brain's like, oh, let's go through all of the horrible things you've ever done, said, all the stupid stuff, all the awkward moments, all of these things.

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So I think how do we keep the brain and the wild, crazy noise and the gut separately to weed through, just like you said, the noise?

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Well, your gut instinct, it's the core of you, it's a very deep part of you, it's seated in you.

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The other stuff that you're talking about is noise, fear, it's, it's, it's ruminating, right it's.

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It's a totally different feeling and it usually is negative.

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So whenever we have these, yeah, yeah.

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So, and even though gut instinct can give you this, you know, a signal of, uh, you know, wait a minute, pause.

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Uh, fear and ruminating and uh, all of those things that outside noise is is a different feeling and it's it's fairly um, what's the word?

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Surface, whereas your gut instinct is for me and I can only speak for me and anybody I've worked with.

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It's very deep seated and rooted within you and if you learn to pay attention, as even as a child, it will protect you in situations you're not even aware that it's doing.

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So.

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It will protect us from anything that could.

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That doesn't feel right, and I can even remember when I was a young girl and back when I'm 57, almost 57 years old, we or you'd see something in the distance and my gut instinct would say, hey, get up on a porch or go do something else, or go find a light or go drive to this gas station.

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There were just things that protected me and I believe it was my gut instinct and paying attention to being observant.

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All the other things like the outside can just make you paranoid.

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You could read into everything as being threatening.

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Yeah, and I feel as though it was different when we were kids, because we didn't hear about all of these things, right.

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I mean, you were a kid, you were doing your kid thing, but now that I'm older, it's like social media news, all these crazy ass documentaries on Netflix.

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It's like it really it does put you, it can put you in that paranoia thing.

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Oh yeah absolutely.

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Which is again probably one of the reasons I can't sleep, all of these crazy scenarios.

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But I feel like a lot of women second guess their gut.

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I mean, I feel like that's because we're at least I am like taught to evaluate kind of all of the things.

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So why do you think we do that?

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Well, they listen to their heart over their head.

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When you second guessing, you know and women can do that, because women are more emotional, typically but they will listen to their heart and we tend to just want to feel better.

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So we go towards whatever is going to make us feel better at the time.

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So, in your gut is and I'll give you an example let's say you're married.

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In your gut is and I'll give you an example um, let's say you're married, and there, before you got married, there were things and I don't care how old you are or how young you are there were things at the beginning that there were just a few red flags, things that made you pause, things that you were like, hmm, I'm not sure about that, that doesn't feel very good.

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And you made excuses, you shushed the flags or the warnings and you got married.

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And here we are seven, 10 years down the road and you're finding yourself wanting a divorce.

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You're like how did I get here?

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How did I get here?

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And if you look back and really people become truly self-aware and look back, they'll connect dots to see that there were things that they ignored from the very beginning.

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And I believe that's your gut instinct and all the chemicals that are flowing with new loves and dating and finding a potential partner.

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You can easily override your gut.

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If you don't pay attention, you will make every excuse to shush those flags.

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You'll say he'll change, she'll change, it'll get better in time.

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We're young.

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Whatever, you will find any way to rationalize the behavior and then it will show up later and then you're like how did I get here?

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It's because you ignored the red flags, you ignored your warnings and what you essentially did which is the hard thing is you settled with that person, which is the hard thing.

00:09:04.400 --> 00:09:11.870
Is you settled with that person and you may not find out for a couple months, years, and some people they never leave it.

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They just stay because that comfort, even though it's not good for you is more familiar than leaving, which is terrifying to people.

00:09:38.788 --> 00:09:41.394
Sometimes I find that my gut instinct is more often about people than it is about like situations.

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Is that?

00:09:41.595 --> 00:09:42.517
It probably is that may be.

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Does it do this with a job, like if you were to go and have an interview it?

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has in the past.

00:09:47.465 --> 00:09:49.947
Yes, yes, that makes sense, yep.

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Yeah, and really that could still be people too, right, because people are hiring you.

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But it's all tuned into that, it's all tuned into other people and friendships and relationships.

00:10:05.269 --> 00:10:09.827
My daughter, who's 10, she's like that, she's like I don't know.

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I'm just not really, I don't know about him.

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I'm like, then we just stay away, we just stay away.

00:10:16.260 --> 00:10:20.211
Because she's feeling it before she sees it, which is very important.

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That's a wonderful characteristic or something that she's in tune with.

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A lot of times you'll feel something, but it hasn't really been proven to you yet, and it will be proven to you eventually.

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But you can feel it and you know it's going on, but it's an undercurrent, but you're not quite sure what.

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I can't put my finger on it.

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It's that kind of feeling and it doesn't hurt to back away from those situations or those people, because if they're meant to be in your life, it'll circle back around in a different way and present itself differently.

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Otherwise they'll fall off and you'll never see them again.

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But it's best to pay attention to all of that because you feel things before you're, a lot of times before it's even proven to be true.

00:11:02.267 --> 00:11:03.409
Isn't that fascinating?

00:11:03.409 --> 00:11:05.474
Is there like some science behind that?

00:11:06.615 --> 00:11:07.277
I have no idea.

00:11:07.277 --> 00:11:09.400
I'm not your science person.

00:11:09.400 --> 00:11:15.131
I can just tell you that my gut worked for me 99 percent of the time.

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My gut was right and kept me out of trouble, because, you know, none of us are perfect and I did some really dumb things when I was young and, um, when I found myself doing those dumb things, my gut instinct showed up and said wait a minute, you need to get yourself out of this situation and you need to do this A, b, c and D.

00:11:31.363 --> 00:11:38.541
And now it helps me, like you say, with friendships and relationships and things like that.

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It roars.

00:11:38.822 --> 00:11:40.583
Some people, their gut instinct may just kind of be a little whisper.

00:11:40.583 --> 00:11:44.629
You know, some people, their gut instinct may just kind of be a little whisper.

00:11:44.629 --> 00:11:48.115
My gut instinct, it literally roars at me.

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It scares me because it's so loud Yep Same.

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I can't ignore it.

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It's the warning, warning, you know that kind of thing.

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So let's go back to the noise.

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So how do we quiet the noise?

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Because there's so much right.

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There's like family influences, social media, people pleasing perfectionism.

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How do we silence all of that so we can truly listen to what our gut is telling us when it comes to decision making?

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what our gut is telling us when it comes to decision making.

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Because when you have a bunch of things going on in your mind, you have to literally sit down and when I work with clients, I put my hands out and I'm going.

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What is really going on, the reality right On one hand, and what is my brain making up in the other one.

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Because you have to really separate the two and slow down and listen to what your fears are, listen to what you're ruminating and then see how real any of this is, because we can cook up all kinds of scenarios in our mind.

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That's what causes fear.

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I mean, that's the scenarios.

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Most of the time, none of the things we worry about even happen.

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You know, I remember my child's first day in kindergarten and all I could do the night before was I was sure he was going to fall straight on a sharp pencil and lose an eye.

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That was what's going to happen his next day, his first day at kindergarten.

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Do I have the lovely feelings of he's going to bounce into class and have a wonderful teacher and have a great day and no, he's going to fall square on a pencil.

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It's ridiculous.

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So is that reality, something that can happen?

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Yes, it could.

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Is it likely to happen?

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No.

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So you have to sit here and calm yourself down, be rational and say, okay, what's the really going on here and what am I just ruminating and fearful of?

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So you have to slow down, because your brain will go a thousand miles an hour and it's lightning fast with the thoughts and get you going down a rabbit hole real quick.

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Oh my God, I'm the worst at that.

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I am the absolute worst.

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I blame, like all of the Final Destination movies and Dayline Right, it's your fault, christy Henson.

00:14:08.788 --> 00:14:13.994
Are you one of those that, if you had, just like you know, a slight blemish on your face, do you go straight to tumor?

00:14:14.355 --> 00:14:15.515
I mean, are you one of those?

00:14:15.515 --> 00:14:18.544
Oh, I'm not that bad, I definitely.

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If I have like a symptom, I'm definitely Googling it which is the worst thing you can do Totally worst thing you can do Totally worst thing you can do Totally worst thing.

00:14:26.958 --> 00:14:42.428
All right, so let's say that you are at a crossroads, because I know, especially us midlife ladies I feel like a lot of them, a lot of us are here, whether it's about marriages, jobs where we live, things to do with our kids.

00:14:42.428 --> 00:14:56.330
What is the best way to start working through some of that decision-making Because I do feel like your gut intuition is a part of that so kind of talk us through some of those decisions and what that looks like, that process.

00:14:59.543 --> 00:15:01.027
Tell me exactly what your question is.

00:15:01.027 --> 00:15:01.950
Tell me what your question is.

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So you got a big decision, big life decision.

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I want to take this job.

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I want to leave a very comfortable job that I've been in for 10 years, or I have a marriage that I have not been happy in.

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I want to make a decision to leave.

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Talk me through, kind of, what that process would look like when it comes to decision making.

00:15:22.421 --> 00:15:36.663
You have to get really in touch with yourself and if if I don't know if you're talking about a younger person or older person, but let's say they're in their 40s, for shit, yeah, you have to get in touch with yourself because if you're in your 40s, we are again closer to death than we are for the most part.

00:15:36.663 --> 00:15:39.990
So, yeah, think about.

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You, have to get in a quiet space, and I always encourage journaling too, which people will say that's so.

00:15:45.522 --> 00:15:50.585
So, oprah, but it is so important to journal because it slows us down.

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It's from our head to the pencil, to the paper.

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Words, not in an iPad, not in a phone, not typing, none of that, no, texting it in.

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You have to write it.

00:16:02.494 --> 00:16:12.885
There's something about, there is science about that, about writing down what it is you want the pros and the cons, the things that make you feel good, bring you joy, the things that you know you don't like.

00:16:12.885 --> 00:16:18.033
So if you're looking for a job, you some people come to me don't know what they want to be at all.

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So we, first thing we do is rule out all the things that they hate or that they dislike, and then we go from there.

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But you have to get in a quiet space and get in touch with yourself.

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Start writing down what it is you like, what you enjoy, what makes you happy, what you're good at, what you dominate at, if you have a skill when it comes to having a job.

00:16:39.182 --> 00:16:41.605
Relationships it's so black and white to me.

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Relationships, it's it's so black and white to me, even though I know it isn't.

00:16:45.668 --> 00:16:50.214
But do you feel safe with that person, you know?

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Do you feel better with that person?

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Do they enrich your life?

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You know, people can't make you happy.

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They can just add to your happiness.

00:16:59.985 --> 00:17:07.419
So that's and that's a big decision to make, whether you, you know, get divorced or and that's a big decision to make whether you get divorced or not?

00:17:08.300 --> 00:17:13.328
Yeah, I know specifically like with me and my husband.

00:17:13.328 --> 00:17:22.827
We are both people who he's an engineer, so his brain is a little bit different than mine, but we both are that kind of.

00:17:22.827 --> 00:17:26.843
We're those people where we can see the good and the negative of every situation.

00:17:26.843 --> 00:17:35.268
So I feel like with us we struggle with decision-making because we're like, well, you know, it could be good, it could be bad.

00:17:35.268 --> 00:17:37.461
You know, we're kind of those people who really struggle.

00:17:37.461 --> 00:17:56.102
It seems like the things we put the least amount of thought into whether it's buying a house or deciding to have a baby, the things we think the least about they have been the better things for us, because I think we're just by nature overthinkers.

00:17:56.102 --> 00:18:09.547
So, you know, I wonder if there's a way to combat the overthinking when you're kind of in that neutral headspace of oh, I can see the pros and the cons, it could go either way.

00:18:09.547 --> 00:18:16.147
You know kind of people Because I feel like a lot of people are like that- yeah, overthinking.

00:18:17.410 --> 00:18:19.634
I think a lot of us are taught to do that.

00:18:19.634 --> 00:18:21.682
We're taught to overthink in this world.

00:18:21.682 --> 00:18:23.663
We're also given a shit ton of choices.

00:18:23.663 --> 00:18:24.644
We're taught to overthink in this world.

00:18:24.684 --> 00:18:25.565
We're also given a shit ton of choices.

00:18:25.565 --> 00:18:26.125
God, no joke, is that?

00:18:26.125 --> 00:18:27.326
Yeah, it's just, it's too much.

00:18:27.907 --> 00:18:31.651
And we've also live in this world where we have to question everything.

00:18:31.651 --> 00:18:34.073
Yeah, so it makes you overthink.

00:18:34.073 --> 00:18:36.394
You know we're having to question everything.

00:18:36.394 --> 00:18:45.133
You know what Our health care, our government, you know everything.

00:18:45.133 --> 00:18:47.742
Everything is questioned now and you feel like you're an advocate for yourself.

00:18:47.742 --> 00:18:54.605
So we're going to probably overthink more than we ever have in our lives, which is terribly unfair, but that that is.

00:18:54.605 --> 00:19:03.094
That is where we are, and that can also be stemmed from having made some bad choices in your past.

00:19:03.094 --> 00:19:12.413
Having made some bad choices in your past, or you've been raised to believe that you can't make decisions or that you don't make the right decisions.

00:19:12.413 --> 00:19:13.940
So a lot of it can go back to childhood.

00:19:13.940 --> 00:19:15.285
As to why you overthink.

00:19:15.285 --> 00:19:23.167
Some of it is just it could even be seen as a gift that you overthink because you'll look at every avenue and every way to do something.

00:19:23.167 --> 00:19:24.992
So it's all in how you look at it.

00:19:25.359 --> 00:19:28.769
Yeah, it's great in business, not so much in just day-to-day life.

00:19:29.570 --> 00:19:32.726
Right, I mean you know if you have to pick a faucet for your bathroom.

00:19:32.726 --> 00:19:36.980
You really don't want to be overwhelmed with that, no, Just not Listen.

00:19:37.760 --> 00:19:46.607
When we had to pick a bathtub for upstairs, I mean, I'm not even exaggerating, it probably took me, oh my God.

00:19:46.607 --> 00:19:57.257
I mean I want to say the better part of like three to four weeks, because I was like Goldilocks, I was like, well, I don't want one too small, I don't want one too big, I don't want it to have that.

00:19:57.257 --> 00:20:00.021
I mean it's just, it's ridiculous.

00:20:00.021 --> 00:20:06.413
I feel like we like live in, like cheesecake factory menu, all of these options.

00:20:06.413 --> 00:20:08.808
And it's like, dude, give me a one-page menu.

00:20:08.808 --> 00:20:10.988
I cannot do all of these options.

00:20:10.988 --> 00:20:12.304
It stresses me out.

00:20:12.304 --> 00:20:13.227
It's just too much.

00:20:13.227 --> 00:20:14.571
It's too much, too many choices.

00:20:14.992 --> 00:20:16.257
Too many choices, too many choices.

00:20:16.257 --> 00:20:20.390
It's too many choices, and sometimes you don't really know what you want, so you're dealing with that too.

00:20:29.279 --> 00:20:33.609
So if you've got 8 million choices and you're really not sure what you want, or not educated in what it is that would be best for you, then you're really, you know, screwed.

00:20:33.609 --> 00:20:33.710
Yeah.

00:20:33.710 --> 00:20:35.994
So is there a difference between intuition and fear?

00:20:38.840 --> 00:20:48.864
Well, I think fear is irrational and fear isn't truthful and your gut instinct is telling the truth it's being, it's, it's, it's not going to let you down.

00:20:48.864 --> 00:20:50.928
Fear can let you down.

00:20:50.928 --> 00:20:56.926
Fear is a big fat liar pants, because what we fear usually doesn't happen anyway.

00:20:56.926 --> 00:21:00.353
But fear is also, in its sense, a protector.

00:21:00.353 --> 00:21:07.314
You know it's your, it's your mind's way of trying to protect you and that's why we don't pay attention to it.

00:21:07.314 --> 00:21:14.048
We try not to pay attention to fear because it will hold you back and gut instinct is just a warning.

00:21:14.048 --> 00:21:23.069
Fear just holds you back, it gives you anxiety, it's just a big pain in the ass, but gut instinct is it's a messenger.

00:21:23.069 --> 00:21:24.946
I feel like it's different.

00:21:26.200 --> 00:21:33.650
Okay, Now what are some of the signs that our body gives us that we're not making a decision that's aligned with our gut?

00:21:37.160 --> 00:21:42.088
I would say uh, I don't like to use the word anxiety because it is tossed around so much.

00:21:44.016 --> 00:21:45.281
It's a buzzword for sure.

00:21:45.894 --> 00:21:55.144
Yeah, but but it's the truth because and I know this was clients and I knew it with myself Um, if you don't pay attention, you will become very anxious.

00:21:55.144 --> 00:21:58.701
You'll become very anxious if you don't pay attention.

00:21:58.701 --> 00:22:01.817
Now, if you, that's why people don't want to feel that.

00:22:01.817 --> 00:22:07.699
So they shush it, they push the flags down, they, they, they, they make you know, they rationalize it or whatever.

00:22:07.699 --> 00:22:09.063
It's not comfortable.

00:22:09.063 --> 00:22:12.277
So you, you know, they just don't want to feel it.

00:22:14.019 --> 00:22:22.549
Yeah, I, I don't love being uncomfortable, I just yeah, it's not, it's an icky feeling.

00:22:22.590 --> 00:22:33.900
for me, Well and that's the thing too is sometimes those uncomfortable decisions are the right ones, but we will not do them because they're uncomfortable or it's not following my heart, or it's not this, it's not that.

00:22:33.900 --> 00:22:38.926
But those hard decisions are the ones that your gut's saying hey, this isn't for you.

00:22:38.926 --> 00:22:40.019
You need to get out of this.

00:22:40.019 --> 00:22:42.635
You don't need to go get that job, you need to.

00:22:42.635 --> 00:22:43.720
You know all the things.

00:22:43.720 --> 00:22:45.525
You need to get up on your port, whatever it is.

00:22:45.525 --> 00:22:50.085
It's it's telling you this is not for you.

00:22:50.645 --> 00:22:57.528
Mm, hmm, yeah, I definitely feel like they're the correlation between fear and being uncomfortable.

00:22:57.528 --> 00:23:01.318
The correlation between fear and being uncomfortable.

00:23:01.318 --> 00:23:05.090
Like I do things every day that make me super uncomfortable, just because that's just the nature of where I am in life.

00:23:05.090 --> 00:23:11.615
Just because I feel like for so long I did what was easy quote unquote and what was expected of me.

00:23:11.615 --> 00:23:14.743
And now it's just like you know, kick open the door.

00:23:14.743 --> 00:23:18.480
We always say it Shania Twain, no, no, here we come, kind of thing.

00:23:18.480 --> 00:23:21.579
Hello, here comes the podcast kind of deal.

00:23:22.000 --> 00:23:29.382
But yeah, I feel like fear has such a it's just a little tricky bastard.

00:23:29.382 --> 00:23:37.284
I'm going to be honest with you because you know so much of it is, you know it tries to suppress the gut of no, just do it, go for it.

00:23:37.284 --> 00:23:40.730
And it seems like fear often carries more weight.

00:23:40.730 --> 00:23:43.143
It's been specifically for me.

00:23:43.143 --> 00:23:48.342
So just really really trying to overcome that Cause I feel like a lot of people are like that.

00:23:48.342 --> 00:24:11.085
They get easier being in that comfort zone and those things, that it's just easier to stay right, it's easier to go to your job that you've always had, it's easier to come home and do the same routine and have your dinner and watch your Netflix and go to bed, and that's great for some people Sure, do your thing.

00:24:11.085 --> 00:24:25.826
But I feel like for a lot of people who truly, deep down, want to grow and their guts pulling them to do something else, what would you advise them to really push past that?

00:24:25.826 --> 00:24:31.634
I don't even want to use the word fear, but that's bare.

00:24:31.634 --> 00:24:32.758
I know what you're saying.

00:24:32.758 --> 00:24:33.681
I know what you're saying.

00:24:34.301 --> 00:24:35.786
I know what you're saying in a sense.

00:24:35.786 --> 00:24:44.305
So here's the thing about fear too, to be able to understand the difference Fear, it can be fleeting and it manifests differently.

00:24:44.305 --> 00:24:50.307
It will come and go and it shows up and manifests in different ways, but it's fleeting.

00:24:50.307 --> 00:24:53.265
You'll be afraid and then it'll go away and it'll come back and then you'll be afraid.

00:24:53.265 --> 00:25:01.084
When you have a gut instinct or a gut feeling, it is nagging, it is deep and it sticks with you.

00:25:01.084 --> 00:25:02.356
It is stuck with you.

00:25:02.356 --> 00:25:03.759
You can't get away from it.

00:25:03.759 --> 00:25:07.548
It is constantly there, it is under your skin.

00:25:07.548 --> 00:25:13.561
It's trying its best to protect you, whereas I fear.

00:25:13.682 --> 00:25:15.684
I feel like fear is fleeting.

00:25:15.684 --> 00:25:18.469
It comes and it goes.

00:25:18.469 --> 00:25:43.867
It's very negative, it's frightening, it's almost a knee-jerkish kind of feeling, whereas a gut instinct, it just sits there and it just waits on you to pay attention and it will keep poking you until you do and some people have learned to pay attention to the fear more poking you until you do, and some people have learned to pay attention to the fear more, which is what our world does.

00:25:43.867 --> 00:25:47.981
That's why everything, all the news and all the things we watch are there.

00:25:47.981 --> 00:25:49.005
It's like fear mongering.

00:25:49.005 --> 00:25:49.867
You know, we're taught.

00:25:50.276 --> 00:25:51.605
Don't even get me on that soapbox.

00:25:51.605 --> 00:25:52.316
Yeah, yeah.

00:25:52.517 --> 00:25:57.587
It's taught us, it's conditioned us, to pay attention to fear and override our gut.

00:25:57.587 --> 00:26:04.263
That is the worst thing that can happen, and that is what's happening to our youth too, and even people my age.

00:26:04.263 --> 00:26:11.801
But it's taught us to pay attention to fear and override our gut, and that'll get you in more trouble than anything else.

00:26:11.801 --> 00:26:13.467
Right, because fear is bleeding.

00:26:13.467 --> 00:26:14.839
And fear is also a liar.

00:26:14.839 --> 00:26:15.702
It really is.

00:26:19.135 --> 00:26:20.318
Dive into that a little bit more.

00:26:20.318 --> 00:26:21.241
Let's go through.

00:26:21.241 --> 00:26:22.586
The fear is a liar.

00:26:22.586 --> 00:26:24.317
I feel like that's interesting.

00:26:25.721 --> 00:26:27.446
Because most of what we fear doesn't even happen.

00:26:29.496 --> 00:26:30.057
It just doesn't.

00:26:30.057 --> 00:26:33.886
It's the overthinking Kind of going back to your kindergarten story.

00:26:33.886 --> 00:26:45.932
My daughter started kindergarten during COVID and where you know, you had the pencil and we weren't allowed to go in the school on the first day of school which was awful, by the way.

00:26:45.932 --> 00:26:51.143
You know not being able to walk your kid into school on the first day, they're masked misery.

00:26:51.143 --> 00:26:58.943
Mine was that she never made it to her classroom and she just wandered aimlessly around the school for the entire day.

00:26:58.943 --> 00:27:01.239
That was my fear.

00:27:01.318 --> 00:27:02.321
And they just let her let her, didn't they?

00:27:02.321 --> 00:27:02.884
Everybody?

00:27:02.903 --> 00:27:09.932
just let her do it this is sweet little, random five-year-old walking around to school all day and I was convinced.

00:27:09.932 --> 00:27:15.655
I, seriously I went to brunch and sat there and cried for like I'm not exaggerating for two hours, worried about my daughter.

00:27:15.655 --> 00:27:25.978
And that day, that very day, I went to Verizon and got her that watch that's like a cracker on it because I was so concerned that she wasn't going to make it into the school.

00:27:26.759 --> 00:27:27.803
And she was starving.

00:27:27.803 --> 00:27:28.744
She got no food.

00:27:29.969 --> 00:27:32.275
And I feel like I'm such a logical person.

00:27:32.275 --> 00:27:38.487
But that part, specifically when it's about my child, I just lose all of that.

00:27:38.487 --> 00:27:48.240
It's just more of oh my gosh, she's going to get eaten by a bear, and you know the point oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, chance of this happening is going to happen.

00:27:48.240 --> 00:27:49.704
I mean, it is ridiculous.

00:27:49.704 --> 00:27:50.767
It is ridiculous.

00:27:51.915 --> 00:27:54.223
It is, it is and it's just what our brains do.

00:27:54.223 --> 00:28:01.046
It's what they do, and when you can understand that the brain just does this crap, then you can settle yourself down.

00:28:01.046 --> 00:28:03.222
You have to talk to yourself like a crazy person.

00:28:03.222 --> 00:28:04.560
You have to go wait a minute, wait a minute.

00:28:04.560 --> 00:28:10.488
The reality is she's a five-year-old in a school and they know exactly what to do with those five-year-olds.

00:28:10.488 --> 00:28:13.557
You have to literally talk yourself off the ledge.

00:28:14.317 --> 00:28:14.838
One of my.

00:28:14.838 --> 00:28:25.788
You know I've done therapy in my adult life and one of and really my quote unquote anxiety only got bad once I had my daughter, I think it.

00:28:25.788 --> 00:28:30.991
Just, you know it puts a whole different level of stress and pressure on you, you know, because you're raising a human.

00:28:30.991 --> 00:28:46.997
No pressure, but she's compared it to your anxiety is like driving the bus and you have to yank them out of the driver's seat and put yourself back in the driver's seat when you have those irrational thoughts and those fearful thoughts.

00:28:47.959 --> 00:29:00.817
Yeah, I thought it was completely normal until I had a child, and then I realized I was a psychopath, that I was crazy, and so I understand what you're saying, because I thought I am so normal I am not going to be that person yeah.

00:29:00.817 --> 00:29:02.398
I was more than that person.

00:29:02.720 --> 00:29:08.430
Oh, I was yeah, yeah, no, I was um and honestly I may still be.

00:29:08.430 --> 00:29:11.839
You know, I'm definitely um my daughter.

00:29:11.839 --> 00:29:20.111
She had to talk with me about I guess it's been about a year and a half she had called me smother mother.

00:29:22.395 --> 00:29:24.984
Oh, that's worse than helicopter, mom Jeez.

00:29:25.295 --> 00:29:39.200
She was like so, mom I mean again, this is when she was probably like eight and a half she was like you know, I'm just going to need you to back off a little bit, but honestly, I was really proud of her for telling me that and, like asserting some of her, you know boundaries with me.

00:29:39.200 --> 00:29:45.667
And so, honestly, it was kind proud of her for telling me that and, like asserting some of her, you know boundaries with me, and so, honestly, it was kind of a moment for me where I stepped back and I was like, ok, I need to give her some more freedom.

00:29:45.667 --> 00:29:50.960
I don't want her to feel like I'm smothering her, and so she doesn't call me that anymore.

00:29:50.960 --> 00:29:52.288
But there was a point where she called me smother mother.

00:29:53.454 --> 00:29:54.396
That's hysterical.

00:29:54.396 --> 00:29:58.144
I mean that that just that's even trumps the helicopter moment.

00:29:58.163 --> 00:29:59.326
I mean, I know.

00:30:00.327 --> 00:30:03.343
I love it, yeah, but hey, she keeps it real, which I appreciated.

00:30:03.343 --> 00:30:05.519
Yeah, she does.

00:30:05.519 --> 00:30:08.527
That's precious.

00:30:08.527 --> 00:30:10.414
I love that she's that open to be able to tell you that?

00:30:11.196 --> 00:30:14.125
Well, listen, we try to keep an open line of communication around here.

00:30:15.438 --> 00:30:16.060
Why not right?

00:30:16.060 --> 00:30:20.246
Well, that's wonderful, because that's the reason why she's able to tap into herself.

00:30:22.096 --> 00:30:26.587
So and we talked truly about even kids having that gut instinct.

00:30:26.587 --> 00:30:28.076
Now do you?

00:30:28.076 --> 00:30:33.087
Think that gut instinct can be like learned, or do you think that's just innate?

00:30:34.376 --> 00:30:50.634
I think it's innate, but you can be taught to pay attention to it, Just like you can be taught to not attention to it, just like you can be taught to not pay attention to it and ignore it, which is why we end up in crappy relationships and crappy jobs and crappy friendships and everything else, because we let things pass or we don't pay attention.

00:30:50.634 --> 00:30:57.441
Or when we feel something inside that feels not right or you can't put your finger on it, you don't go and try to figure that out.

00:30:57.441 --> 00:30:58.565
What is that?

00:30:58.565 --> 00:30:59.901
We don't give that the attention.

00:30:59.901 --> 00:31:04.461
We try to say, oh no, it's fine, that's just me being paranoid.

00:31:04.461 --> 00:31:06.315
Oh, that's just me being ridiculous.

00:31:06.315 --> 00:31:12.729
You don't give yourself or believe in yourself enough to understand that that's something going on inside of you.

00:31:12.729 --> 00:31:14.500
At least be curious about it.

00:31:14.500 --> 00:31:16.642
So you have to be taught to pay attention to it.

00:31:41.275 --> 00:31:46.123
But I think it's innately there because I'm a with the decision, I typically have an immediate reaction.

00:31:46.123 --> 00:31:58.770
If it's, I don't want to get into too much detail, but by saying, if somebody asks me something, I feel like if it's a decision I need to make specifically one for, like me or my family, I feel like I automatically have an answer that I want to go to.

00:31:58.770 --> 00:32:01.597
Is that our gut or is that?

00:32:01.597 --> 00:32:08.057
Does the gut take more time to process, or is that initial reaction typically stemming from our gut?

00:32:08.578 --> 00:32:09.260
Does that make sense?

00:32:09.260 --> 00:32:10.242
I think it's both.

00:32:10.242 --> 00:32:12.778
I think it's your experience and what you know.

00:32:12.778 --> 00:32:19.584
When somebody asks you a question, of course you can only answer it based on what you know and what you've lived and what you've experienced.

00:32:19.584 --> 00:32:22.443
So it's that on top of gut.

00:32:22.443 --> 00:32:31.730
But I think if somebody's asking you a question about something and you know the answer, that's typically experience or what you've been through in your life and things like that.

00:32:31.730 --> 00:32:34.577
I'm sure the gut can show up somewhat.

00:32:34.577 --> 00:32:41.646
But I think that's just an automatic response from based on what you've, what you've lived if that makes sense, it does, it does.

00:32:42.508 --> 00:32:44.170
So let's talk, um we go.

00:32:44.170 --> 00:32:45.191
Let's go back to journaling.

00:32:45.191 --> 00:32:47.258
I have not done this.

00:32:47.258 --> 00:32:48.619
I mean I have in the past.

00:32:48.619 --> 00:32:54.699
But talk us through what that would look like if we were making some big decisions.

00:32:54.699 --> 00:33:03.955
Like, let's talk through what your prompts would be, you know, what does that?

00:33:03.976 --> 00:33:04.577
what does that look like?

00:33:04.577 --> 00:33:05.622
So for journaling, I do mine a little different.

00:33:05.622 --> 00:33:09.114
I try to do it a little different than most, or maybe each coach has their own way, I don't know, but I do.

00:33:09.114 --> 00:33:16.298
Of course, there's always gratitude, because when you start your day off with gratitude, it it feels better.

00:33:16.298 --> 00:33:25.282
So when we focus on what's going right or what's good over what we don't have or what's going wrong, then we can tend to draw more good things into our life.

00:33:25.282 --> 00:33:33.818
You know how, if you get up and your feet hit the floor and you're already pissed, so you know you're just going to stub your toe and get every red light and be late.

00:33:34.299 --> 00:33:36.625
Everything's going to be so true.

00:33:38.009 --> 00:33:39.732
And you know that's not science or anything.

00:33:39.732 --> 00:33:41.758
I'm just saying that's what it feels like.

00:33:41.758 --> 00:33:59.343
But if you get up and you are grateful and I don't care if it's for a cup of coffee if you are grateful and you feel good and you go over and write down what has gone right in my life or what I'm so grateful for my home, my family, my cup of coffee, you know my clients, the weather, I mean you know my clients, the weather.

00:33:59.343 --> 00:34:02.526
I mean you know basic all the way to very, very deep things.

00:34:02.526 --> 00:34:16.954
When you focus on that first thing in the morning, you're getting your mindset right and I do believe that you will attract more positive things to you when you are positive and you will attract crap to you when you are negative.

00:34:17.434 --> 00:34:18.480
That you know negative.

00:34:18.480 --> 00:34:23.760
If you ever, even in school, you remember if you had a very negative person, who did they hang around with?

00:34:23.760 --> 00:34:25.605
Negative people?

00:34:25.605 --> 00:34:28.081
Negative people, yeah, it's an epidemic.

00:34:28.643 --> 00:34:30.862
Yeah, they just attract one another.

00:34:30.862 --> 00:34:31.684
They're in alignment.

00:34:31.684 --> 00:34:36.585
So I always encourage people, first and foremost, to just.

00:34:36.585 --> 00:34:46.326
You know it could be the same thing every day, I don't care, but it will start to expand as they've spent more time on journaling, because most people aren't used to it and they don't, they might stick with it for about 10 days.

00:34:48.016 --> 00:34:51.824
So first thing I do is say what are you grateful for?

00:34:51.824 --> 00:34:53.927
What is going well in your life?

00:34:53.927 --> 00:35:07.762
The second thing is so many people have things they want to do and they don't do them, or so many things that make them happy and bring them joy that they don't put into their day or their week or their month or their year.

00:35:07.762 --> 00:35:12.567
They other things get in the way, priorities of other types, you know.

00:35:12.567 --> 00:35:29.742
So on the other list, I have them write down in detail what they want, genuinely what they desire and I can remember writing in mine when I first started coaching and getting all into this, was that I wanted to have my feet in that real pretty clear blue water.

00:35:29.742 --> 00:35:31.487
You know that exotic water.

00:35:31.487 --> 00:35:33.059
I've never seen anything like that.

00:35:33.059 --> 00:35:38.577
We don't travel much and I just wanted to see where you can see the bottom.

00:35:38.858 --> 00:35:41.291
You know I've just been right here in Florida and I know there to see where you could see the bottom.

00:35:41.291 --> 00:35:48.804
I'd just been right here in Florida and I know there's parts of Florida that have that water, but I wasn't exposed to any of that and that was one of the first things that came true for me.

00:35:48.804 --> 00:35:54.922
But when you write down what you want, put it in very explicit detail, get emotionally involved with it.

00:35:54.922 --> 00:36:07.307
If you want to date, if you want a new friend, if you want a vacation, if you want a new friend, if you want a vacation, if you want a certain job, write down what it is, how it makes you feel, and get emotionally involved with it.

00:36:07.307 --> 00:36:14.681
And I believed and a lot of people think you know I'm riding on the back of- a unicorn with this, but I believe that you can manifest that over time.

00:36:14.902 --> 00:36:16.827
Oh, I agree, Yep, I agree.

00:36:17.407 --> 00:36:18.177
So you write it down.

00:36:18.177 --> 00:36:19.119
It's not going to happen.

00:36:19.119 --> 00:36:24.565
Unless you do, unless you pay attention to what it is you want, how long are you going to get it Right?

00:36:24.565 --> 00:36:25.978
You're just going to wish it to come?

00:36:25.978 --> 00:36:31.255
No, you have to write it down and then take steps and walk toward that direction.

00:36:31.255 --> 00:36:34.581
You can't just sit there and go, oh, I'd like this and it happened.

00:36:34.581 --> 00:36:36.324
You have to get emotionally involved with it.

00:36:36.324 --> 00:36:38.487
You have to make steps to make it happen.

00:36:38.487 --> 00:36:39.510
You can't just sit on your butt.

00:36:40.434 --> 00:36:50.306
So be grateful, write down the things that bring you joy, things that you want, things you desire, and, in explicit detail, get emotionally involved with the thought.

00:36:50.306 --> 00:37:01.579
And then the last thing I have people do is you will realize, once you start working with me, there's a lot of things that take up space in your mind that don't deserve to be there, mostly people.

00:37:01.579 --> 00:37:08.306
So it could be a neighbor, it could be a friend, a coworker, a family member, it doesn't matter who it is.

00:37:08.306 --> 00:37:11.385
It could be a random Joe, doesn't matter.

00:37:11.385 --> 00:37:16.324
But if somebody is taking up space in your mind, that's toxic.

00:37:16.324 --> 00:37:17.949
You need to get rid of that.

00:37:17.949 --> 00:37:22.880
You don't want that space taken up, because that stops the free thought.

00:37:22.880 --> 00:37:36.197
The more crowded it is upstairs, the less room you have for free thought, to figure it out what it is you want, what brings you joy, what makes you happy or anything, or to be creative, so we want to unblock that.

00:37:36.197 --> 00:37:39.563
And if you're carrying around resentment, bitterness, so we want to unblock that.

00:37:39.563 --> 00:37:44.068
And if you're carrying around resentment, bitterness, anger towards another person, an ex, whatever it is, you need to get rid of that.

00:37:50.934 --> 00:37:53.775
So in the journal I would have them, if they believed in God, I would say send them a prayer, because God knows them better than you do.

00:37:53.775 --> 00:37:57.103
Say God, take this person and do something with them.

00:37:57.103 --> 00:38:03.427
Just do something with this, because you know this jackass better than me.

00:38:03.427 --> 00:38:08.219
Please handle this All right, because I can't do it.

00:38:08.219 --> 00:38:11.782
I can't change people, I can't do any of the things.

00:38:11.782 --> 00:38:15.005
You're bigger and better and stronger and all knowing you do it All right.

00:38:15.155 --> 00:38:17.818
Now, if they don't believe in God, then I say send them love, send them love.

00:38:17.818 --> 00:38:19.420
And at if they don't believe in God, then I say send them love, send them love.

00:38:19.420 --> 00:38:22.204
And at first they're like I don't want to do any of that for either of these people.

00:38:22.204 --> 00:38:22.985
They drive me crazy.

00:38:22.985 --> 00:38:36.128
I'm like, yeah, but what you're doing is unloading them quietly, little bit by little bit, out of your mind and over time they will bother you and enter your mind less and less, because you were letting it go, which is essentially what's happening.

00:38:36.128 --> 00:38:42.903
You're letting it go, you're slowing down and you're letting these people or these things that are upsetting you.

00:38:42.903 --> 00:38:43.827
You're letting them go.

00:38:43.827 --> 00:38:46.059
If you can't change a situation, write it down.

00:38:46.059 --> 00:38:48.085
I can't change a situation, god, I can't.

00:38:48.085 --> 00:38:53.284
So please could you just take it off of me and over time it will go away.

00:38:53.284 --> 00:38:54.746
It will.

00:38:55.027 --> 00:39:04.199
So those are the three things that I have with journaling, and I have to encourage clients to do it regularly, because they'll do it really well and really good for about 10 days and then they start falling off, kind of like a diet.

00:39:04.661 --> 00:39:07.496
Oh, yeah, for sure, and that's been my experience.

00:39:07.496 --> 00:39:20.206
I think I probably have 10 to and I'm not exaggerating 10 to 15 journals, probably in my bedroom, that I was so diligent for like two to three days and then I was like so diligent for like two to three days and then I was like right, you're right.

00:39:20.206 --> 00:39:21.929
You know why, or do you?

00:39:21.949 --> 00:39:22.329
know why.

00:39:22.329 --> 00:39:24.637
Why there's two.

00:39:24.637 --> 00:39:36.121
There's several reasons, but two of them I come up with is that we are an instant gratification society, world, and when we think it hadn't happened in two days, then we give up.

00:39:37.143 --> 00:39:38.867
Oh, yeah, but um.

00:39:38.867 --> 00:39:41.523
I didn't eat a cookie, so I should have lost my fans.

00:39:41.994 --> 00:39:42.856
Right, right.

00:39:42.856 --> 00:39:45.282
And then also the thing when you're writing.

00:39:45.282 --> 00:39:51.586
That's the change that you're making in your daily life and it's a commitment and it's something that you need to do for yourself.

00:39:51.586 --> 00:39:55.820
And if your body and mind is not used to doing that, it doesn't like change.

00:39:55.820 --> 00:39:59.846
So it will push back against it in about 10 days or so, two weeks, just like a diet.

00:39:59.846 --> 00:40:01.168
It's your brain going.

00:40:01.168 --> 00:40:02.409
I don't know what this is.

00:40:02.409 --> 00:40:04.036
I don't know what's on the other side of this.

00:40:04.036 --> 00:40:05.541
This is not something we've ever done.

00:40:05.541 --> 00:40:09.416
I really don't have time for this and it will give you reasons to not do it.

00:40:09.416 --> 00:40:12.018
I got busy, I had to go to work early, all the things.

00:40:12.018 --> 00:40:14.378
It's like anything else you want to do in your life.

00:40:14.378 --> 00:40:15.760
Your brain will push back on you.

00:40:15.760 --> 00:40:17.460
It's crazy.

00:40:17.760 --> 00:40:19.342
That is so interesting.

00:40:19.342 --> 00:40:26.425
You are just I'm telling you All right, I'm going to commit, cause I know we try to get with you every month.

00:40:26.425 --> 00:40:30.849
I'm going to commit to 30 days of journaling.

00:40:31.809 --> 00:40:36.211
I have journals that do it for 30 days, because if you do it that long you'll see the benefit of it.

00:40:37.032 --> 00:40:38.012
Yeah, I need to do it.

00:40:38.012 --> 00:40:45.110
I mean I think even, uh, in 2023, and I still haven't used it.

00:40:45.110 --> 00:40:46.934
So I'm going to.

00:40:46.934 --> 00:40:50.447
You've motivated me to get in that journal and do some journaling.

00:40:51.311 --> 00:40:56.110
The other thing you could do, which I tell my clients, is go get those pretty little gel pens from TJ Maxx.

00:40:56.150 --> 00:41:02.407
Girl, you know, I got them, I love it so fun, and you do it in different colors, draw pictures.

00:41:02.427 --> 00:41:04.568
I mean it's yours, it's your happiness place.

00:41:04.568 --> 00:41:08.550
So, um, that's another thing I do, and I tell them to go pick out the cutest one.

00:41:08.550 --> 00:41:17.978
I don't care how pink or glittery it is, get whatever it is that you want and just make it a happy time, drink your coffee and write things down, and it does make a difference.

00:41:17.978 --> 00:41:23.442
So I didn't know if you wanted to go into making a decision or trying.

00:41:23.483 --> 00:41:25.346
Yet I would love that.

00:41:25.346 --> 00:41:26.628
No, that's great Okay.

00:41:26.688 --> 00:41:28.391
Yeah, I didn't know if we had time.

00:41:28.391 --> 00:41:30.936
Um, perfect, all right.

00:41:30.936 --> 00:41:34.688
So any more on gut, all right.

00:41:34.688 --> 00:41:47.318
So the other thing that we wanted to cover and this was one that I discovered, um, and and worked on my own when I was in my own journey of trying to stay committed to taking care of myself physically.

00:41:47.318 --> 00:41:55.302
So if you've ever heard somebody say I'll try, you ever heard that I'll try?

00:41:55.302 --> 00:41:56.527
I'll try.

00:41:56.527 --> 00:42:00.416
Well, when somebody says to you I'll try, do you believe them?

00:42:00.416 --> 00:42:02.706
No, right, right.

00:42:02.706 --> 00:42:13.251
So if somebody says you know what I've made a decision to do, that I'll get it right to you, or you matter to me and I will change that, or for myself I matter.

00:42:13.251 --> 00:42:17.278
So I'm going to make the decision to have this done by X date.

00:42:17.278 --> 00:42:17.885
How?

00:42:17.925 --> 00:42:18.585
does that sound?

00:42:18.585 --> 00:42:22.268
That sounds very more specific and realistic.

00:42:23.110 --> 00:42:30.295
So what I'm talking about is making a decision versus trying, and how trying.

00:42:30.295 --> 00:42:37.280
I don't want to call it weak, but you are weak right out of the gate if you say you're going to try.

00:42:37.280 --> 00:42:47.646
Oh yeah, and we all say it and some of it's just not as serious as I'm taking it as I'm taking it.

00:42:47.646 --> 00:43:00.773
But when you're really trying to make a change in your life or you're trying to get somebody out of your life, you don't need to be with or you're in a bad job and you just don't really want to go look, but you hate it where you are, or you want to lose weight, or you want to lift weight, or whatever it is you want to do, I'll try.

00:43:01.815 --> 00:43:03.297
That is just weak.

00:43:03.297 --> 00:43:07.231
And what it does is it leaves the door open.

00:43:07.231 --> 00:43:23.257
It leaves a crack for sabotage, right yeah, it allows an obstacle and for the most part, when you say I try, if I have clients to tell me I'll try, I already know they're not going to do it.

00:43:23.257 --> 00:43:30.557
Right, they're already setting themselves up to tell me the next week or the next two weeks, whenever we talk, no, I didn't do that and I already know it.

00:43:30.557 --> 00:43:32.451
And they don't like it when I say that.

00:43:32.711 --> 00:43:33.675
But it's the truth.

00:43:33.675 --> 00:43:39.092
It's so interesting because I'm sitting here thinking about the times that I've said I try, like it's normally about going somewhere.

00:43:39.092 --> 00:43:41.248
It's like, oh, are you going to come, I?

00:43:41.248 --> 00:43:44.672
And then we both know I'm not coming.

00:43:45.393 --> 00:43:46.175
Right Right.

00:43:46.175 --> 00:43:47.237
Be honest with them.

00:43:47.237 --> 00:43:49.360
Be honest with yourself, Right Right.

00:43:49.360 --> 00:43:51.592
It's better just to be honest and go.

00:43:51.592 --> 00:43:51.994
You know what?

00:43:51.994 --> 00:43:53.108
I'm not going to be able to make it.

00:43:53.108 --> 00:43:54.432
Thank you so much.

00:43:54.432 --> 00:43:57.411
Yeah, I think I'm not going to be able to make it this time.

00:43:57.784 --> 00:43:58.849
That's the people pleasing.

00:43:58.849 --> 00:43:59.693
It's like I don't really.

00:43:59.905 --> 00:44:01.047
Yes, you told me about that.

00:44:01.327 --> 00:44:04.313
I'll just throw out the.

00:44:04.313 --> 00:44:04.853
I'll try.

00:44:05.554 --> 00:44:06.436
Yeah, yeah.

00:44:06.436 --> 00:44:10.050
Well, they know you won't, so you might as well just say the truth, right?

00:44:10.050 --> 00:44:10.791
Yes, that's true.

00:44:10.791 --> 00:44:11.554
Yeah, that's true.

00:44:11.554 --> 00:44:14.851
That's like the parent when the kid asks for something, they go.

00:44:14.851 --> 00:44:16.434
I'll see, we'll see.

00:44:16.434 --> 00:44:16.775
Oh my.

00:44:16.815 --> 00:44:17.858
God, we'll see.

00:44:17.858 --> 00:44:20.447
It's a funny story.

00:44:20.447 --> 00:44:31.797
When I was younger, I told my mom that my least three favorite words from her were we'll see, I'll think about it and shut up.

00:44:31.797 --> 00:44:34.940
She loved those three words when.

00:44:34.940 --> 00:44:44.228
I was younger, so I have still it's like a joke still in my family freaking.

00:44:44.248 --> 00:44:47.059
30 something years later I'll think about it, or shut up, or mine was um, because I said so.

00:44:47.099 --> 00:44:48.164
Oh, I hate because I said so.

00:44:48.164 --> 00:44:55.557
I hear myself saying it sometimes as a mom and I'm like, oh my gosh, when did this happen?

00:44:56.505 --> 00:44:57.791
And we know why they said it now.

00:44:57.791 --> 00:44:59.128
Because it is just that.

00:44:59.128 --> 00:45:02.452
It's just that black and white, because I just I said so.

00:45:02.452 --> 00:45:15.605
Stop asking me yeah, oh, so when you, when you're trying, you're giving yourself an out um, you already know you're not going to do it, you are allowing excuses.

00:45:15.605 --> 00:45:25.050
Um, it also gives you that continued opportunity to kick the can down the road, and you know what that feels like.

00:45:25.050 --> 00:45:28.655
It's defeating, it feels terrible.

00:45:29.538 --> 00:45:30.786
You don't have a clear plan.

00:45:30.786 --> 00:45:33.092
That might be part of it too.

00:45:33.092 --> 00:45:35.096
Some of it is just we might need help.

00:45:35.096 --> 00:45:36.846
You don't have a clear plan.

00:45:36.846 --> 00:45:40.592
You're scared or fearful of that change.

00:45:40.592 --> 00:45:48.130
You don't have any support and you've failed so many times before.

00:45:48.130 --> 00:45:50.293
So you have that narrative in your mind.

00:45:50.293 --> 00:45:51.690
I'm just going to fail again.

00:45:51.690 --> 00:46:04.588
But if you had support you know therapy, a coach, good family, friends, you know things like that it does make a difference in the bottom line when you say I'll try.

00:46:04.588 --> 00:46:09.905
The bottom line, the biggest pill to swallow is you do not believe in yourself.

00:46:09.905 --> 00:46:12.690
Oh, you just don't.

00:46:12.690 --> 00:46:27.315
You don't believe in yourself and what you want and what you need and in your worth, and that part is heartbreaking and I think we're taught so much through the, through our years, but we don't believe in ourselves.

00:46:27.315 --> 00:46:29.112
When you try, you don't think you can do it.

00:46:29.112 --> 00:46:32.048
And it's that simple.

00:46:32.751 --> 00:46:33.594
So interesting.

00:46:33.594 --> 00:46:38.492
Whereas when you say Do you feel like this applies to children as well?

00:46:39.614 --> 00:46:47.931
Oh yeah, but they get a little more of an excuse because they don't have as much experience behind them and they just don't know, because they don't have as much experience behind them and they just don't know.

00:46:47.931 --> 00:47:08.025
But kids, the ones that really can stand up and are fierce, are just amazing to me because that's coming from within when they can do that, some of these young little ones that can just barrel through and not even be afraid of anything.

00:47:08.025 --> 00:47:12.516
They're phenomenal and maybe they're tapping into their gut instinct that early on, which we talked about before.

00:47:12.516 --> 00:47:18.755
Yeah, um, so there's trying and then making a decision.

00:47:18.755 --> 00:47:29.318
So instead of saying I'll try, uh, you go, I'm on it, you matter, I matter and I want it done by this.

00:47:29.318 --> 00:47:34.835
I'm going to have it done by this day, whatever it's, however, you answer it Um, you sound strong?

00:47:34.835 --> 00:47:37.608
Oh, I absolutely am going to get on that and do that right now.

00:47:37.608 --> 00:47:42.166
I am absolutely worth this and I'm going to commit a hundred percent.

00:47:42.166 --> 00:47:43.648
I guarantee it.

00:47:43.648 --> 00:47:46.032
I owe myself this, I owe you this.

00:47:47.536 --> 00:47:49.259
It shuts the door completely.

00:47:49.259 --> 00:47:51.748
It shuts out obstacles.

00:47:51.748 --> 00:47:54.637
It erases sabotage.

00:47:54.637 --> 00:48:01.947
You are also confident that you can navigate through the difficulty, because there is going to be difficulty.

00:48:01.947 --> 00:48:03.590
Those obstacles don't go away.

00:48:03.590 --> 00:48:09.474
It's just that you navigate through them and you know how to get around them and you don't let them stop you.

00:48:09.474 --> 00:48:20.518
You have a support system which is different than some, that don't it removes or you don't make any excuses.

00:48:20.518 --> 00:48:22.190
It removes excuses or you just don't.

00:48:22.190 --> 00:48:27.391
You won't make any, you will not let anything stop you.

00:48:29.016 --> 00:48:35.534
I think another thing is if you have a goal in mind, that when you make a decision you understand it's temporary.

00:48:35.755 --> 00:48:42.646
A lot of times it is so if you've got to do this with this job or you've got to do this with this program or you've got to commit to this.

00:48:42.646 --> 00:48:48.260
If you want to be healthier and lose weight or go to this regimen and get stronger, it's usually temporary that really hard part at the beginning and then you can move into to this.

00:48:48.260 --> 00:48:54.076
If you want to be healthier and lose weight or go to this regimen and get stronger, it's usually temporary that really hard part at the beginning and then you can move into more of a maintenance stage.

00:48:54.076 --> 00:49:12.074
So I think if you can get in the mindset when you make the decision that this is temporary, this is not forever, and that everything changes and I'm going to be okay oh, another big thing when people make a decision is they are so tired of where they are or how they feel they're just done.

00:49:13.766 --> 00:49:16.329
And you've seen that, I've seen that, I've seen it in myself.

00:49:16.329 --> 00:49:20.896
Um, when I was going through menopause, um, I, I just woke up and I was done.

00:49:20.896 --> 00:49:26.257
I flipped my entire life on its head just a couple of years ago because I was done with me.

00:49:26.824 --> 00:49:28.478
Yeah, life on its head just a couple years ago because I was done with me.

00:49:28.478 --> 00:49:28.387
I was so sick of me.

00:49:28.387 --> 00:49:30.833
I hit that about, I don't know.

00:49:30.833 --> 00:49:32.536
Probably about a month and a half ago.

00:49:32.536 --> 00:49:35.068
I was just like you know, just eating.

00:49:35.068 --> 00:49:38.175
I just felt disgusting, I wasn't exercising enough.

00:49:38.175 --> 00:49:41.128
I was like I'm done and just make that change.

00:49:41.128 --> 00:49:45.538
It's like I'm ready to feel better do better, look better, etc.

00:49:45.538 --> 00:49:45.717
Etc.

00:49:45.965 --> 00:49:47.347
feel better do better, look better, et cetera, et cetera.

00:49:47.347 --> 00:49:58.887
Your life and your mind and your love of yourself just pushes you to go okay, I'm done with this, I've had it.

00:49:58.887 --> 00:50:05.409
And then, of course, the bottom line, just like the other one, is you do believe in yourself and you do believe in your worth and you do believe that you matter, so you're going to make a decision to do better.

00:50:05.409 --> 00:50:18.905
So that's the differences between trying and make a decision and making a decision, and I, and I love that, and I love doing that speech and, um, I do a lot of them in workout facilities because people struggle so much with that.

00:50:18.905 --> 00:50:25.148
Um, also, I've I think I touched on this before.

00:50:25.588 --> 00:50:31.840
When you make a decision, you're going to bump up against, um, that 10 days, those two weeks.

00:50:31.840 --> 00:50:38.490
I call it like a, like a, like a red, a red line, like you see this barrier and it's.

00:50:38.490 --> 00:50:42.030
It's like okay, am I going to jump over this or I'm going to go back to the old behavior?

00:50:42.030 --> 00:50:59.657
Um, or I'm going to go back to the old behavior, and I want anybody to know that when you make a decision, you are always going to bump up against something that's going to take you back to what you were doing before, because that's what your mind knows and it's so important to be aware of that and to just go ahead and jump over it.

00:50:59.657 --> 00:51:03.893
Just jump over it Because on the other side is freedom and confidence.

00:51:03.893 --> 00:51:10.807
If you just try, then when you bump up against that barrier, you're going to run with the tail between your legs back.

00:51:13.994 --> 00:51:17.559
Interesting Jennifer, you're so good.

00:51:18.987 --> 00:51:20.429
I love talking with you guys.

00:51:20.429 --> 00:51:24.699
I enjoy it and I'm just so honored to be on the podcast with you.

00:51:24.699 --> 00:51:25.507
I really am.

00:51:25.688 --> 00:51:32.273
We just love it, and I feel like a lot of the topics that we've talked about just there they resonate.

00:51:32.273 --> 00:51:35.547
I mean, honestly, men, women, age, it really doesn't matter.

00:51:35.547 --> 00:51:37.355
Because these are all things, I think that we're all.

00:51:37.355 --> 00:51:41.614
Again, I go back to the middle age because I feel like a lot of people.

00:51:41.614 --> 00:51:43.947
Some people have a midlife crisis.

00:51:43.947 --> 00:51:45.789
I call it a midlife awakening.

00:51:45.789 --> 00:51:58.175
Personally, they start looking around and like, hey, is this how I want the next half of my life to be like, and so I do think it causes some self-reflection.

00:51:58.175 --> 00:52:01.653
What have I done right, what have I done wrong, what could I do better?

00:52:01.653 --> 00:52:02.195
Kind of thing.

00:52:02.195 --> 00:52:05.514
And your insight is just so helpful with all of that.

00:52:05.514 --> 00:52:06.990
How can people work with you?

00:52:08.885 --> 00:52:10.070
Well, you can get in touch with me.

00:52:10.070 --> 00:52:12.273
You mean, how they find me, how they find you?

00:52:12.273 --> 00:52:13.608
Yeah, well, you can.

00:52:13.608 --> 00:52:22.184
My website is jennifersislifecoachcom and I'm also on Facebook, Jennifer Sisk Life Coach.

00:52:22.184 --> 00:52:26.509
And same thing I make it really easy on Instagram as well Jennifer Sisk Life Coach.

00:52:26.509 --> 00:52:30.072
And then also on LinkedIn, so you can find me everywhere.

00:52:30.072 --> 00:52:30.855
I'm there with you.

00:52:30.945 --> 00:52:32.068
I need to get on LinkedIn with you.

00:52:32.068 --> 00:52:37.764
Yeah, yeah, come see me because it makes a difference.

00:52:37.764 --> 00:52:42.137
Because when you talk to somebody, sometimes people go oh, I feel like I'm doing this talking.

00:52:42.137 --> 00:52:43.652
I'm like, no, you're not just talking.

00:52:43.652 --> 00:52:47.777
When you talk out loud to somebody else, that's unbiased, that you really don't know.

00:52:47.777 --> 00:52:51.161
You are challenging every thought that's going on in your mind.

00:52:51.161 --> 00:52:54.875
You're letting it out and you're going to challenge it automatically by.

00:52:54.875 --> 00:52:56.469
That's why people feel better when they leave.

00:52:56.469 --> 00:52:57.831
That's why I can guarantee you'll feel better.

00:52:57.831 --> 00:53:03.318
Yeah, I can't say you won't cry, because I'd say a good many do, because they're just releasing right.

00:53:03.318 --> 00:53:08.829
They just releasing right, they're getting it out.

00:53:08.829 --> 00:53:15.934
But when you talk, you are challenging your thoughts, because when you say it out loud it sounds different than when you're just bouncing in the confines of your own mind right, you can go down a rabbit hole by yourself.

00:53:16.155 --> 00:53:21.155
But when you start saying things out loud, you're like, well, crap, that does sound crazy, right, oh yeah.

00:53:21.155 --> 00:53:26.739
Or crap, that doesn't go, that does sound unreal, that's not going to happen, or I am being irrational.

00:53:26.739 --> 00:53:30.192
Oh my goodness, oh my gosh, I do need to say sorry, right?

00:53:30.192 --> 00:53:32.833
Or oh my gosh, I do need out of this relationship.

00:53:32.833 --> 00:53:38.755
I didn't realize how bad it was Until you talk out loud and bounce it off someone else, and it can be a good friend too.

00:53:47.844 --> 00:53:53.617
But a lot of times it's best to come type situation where you have some big decisions coming up.

00:53:53.617 --> 00:54:13.134
It helps to have an impartial party, be able to talk through some of the things and to kind of give you that safe space, because often, you know, sometimes men don't feel comfortable having those conversations with their wives or their spouses or significant others, and I think it just creates that space where it's like, okay, you can say how you actually feel here.

00:54:14.516 --> 00:54:20.177
I do and I actually love my men clients, because men are of course we know this are so different than women.

00:54:20.177 --> 00:54:23.996
They come in, they take notes and they get on it Right.

00:54:23.996 --> 00:54:25.431
Men don't want to come back.

00:54:28.427 --> 00:54:29.371
That's a really good point.

00:54:29.371 --> 00:54:31.364
They're like get me out of here at all costs.

00:54:32.047 --> 00:54:34.594
Right, tell me what to do, give me the steps and I'm on it.

00:54:37.146 --> 00:54:38.492
I will make that happen, bye.

00:54:41.726 --> 00:54:42.226
But they're just.

00:54:42.226 --> 00:54:43.449
Their brains are wired different.

00:54:43.449 --> 00:54:47.650
But I love my main clients because they just, they just bring color to everything, so it's fun.

00:54:47.650 --> 00:54:48.072
Well, I love that.

00:54:48.092 --> 00:54:50.179
I love my main clients, because they just bring color to everything, so it's fun.

00:54:50.259 --> 00:54:50.599
Well, I love that.

00:54:50.599 --> 00:54:50.920
I love my job.

00:54:50.940 --> 00:54:51.222
I really do.

00:54:51.222 --> 00:54:57.934
Well, you can tell, you can tell you love it and I just think the world of you and hey, we miss Becca, but she will be back next week.

00:54:57.934 --> 00:55:00.972
And yeah, jennifer, thank you so very much.

00:55:00.972 --> 00:55:03.012
I can't wait to have you on next month.

00:55:07.565 --> 00:55:07.905
Oh great.

00:55:08.447 --> 00:55:11.195
And Becca, we're thinking about you, we love you and praying for your baby girl.

00:55:11.255 --> 00:55:14.684
All right, thanks so much, guys, for tuning in, and we will see you next week.