Nov. 7, 2024

Awakening, Alignment & the Slow Drip with Life Coach, Jennifer Sisk

Awakening, Alignment & the Slow Drip with Life Coach, Jennifer Sisk
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Season 4

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We love a guest, I mean, we love, love, love a guest, but this is our first life coach and while we have shared vulnerable things in the past, this episode is easily the most vulnerable, and it very much will resonate with our listeners and women in general. We can’t think of a more empowering conversation or a more validating conversation than this one. Jennifer Sisk joins us all the way from Greer, SC to talk societal conditioning shape, trauma impact, the lies we tell ourselves, self-esteem and confidence.

How do we identify and ultimately overcome the false beliefs rooted in childhood to rebuild self-esteem chipped away by consistent self-neglect, this episode takes a deep dive into the complexities of personal growth. Jennifer shares her insights on how societal pressures and personal experiences impact self-worth and introduces the concept of the "slow drip" effect, where minor relationship infractions accumulate over time to cause emotional damage. Our conversation stresses the need for setting boundaries, embracing authenticity, and understanding both our own and others' roles in maintaining or disrupting these dynamics. And ultimately the self forgiveness that comes with deciding that when a person has crossed your boundaries maybe that relationship isn’t healthy for you and that’s OK to question.

Embrace the transformative power of authenticity and self-care as we highlight the courage it takes to break free from outdated stereotypes and societal expectations. With humorous anecdotes about everyday embarrassments and a candid exploration of relationships, we emphasize the importance of therapy and self-awareness in the journey of self-discovery. This episode is a heartfelt testament to living unapologetically and recognizing the universal nature of personal struggles, encouraging listeners to laugh, learn, and grow with each experience.

Jennifer Sisk 
Certified Life Coach 
@jennifersisklifecoach
www.jennifersisklifecoach.com

For more mayhem, be sure to follow us:

Insta @marketingandmayhem
YouTube @MarketingMayhemPod

And don't forget to leave us a 5 star review! Or message us to deep dive into your topic or just give us feedback!

Hosted by @raebecca.miller and @jennyfromthe843

00:11 - Life Coaching and Midlife Awakening

10:21 - Rebuilding Self-Esteem and Confidence

18:48 - Recognizing and Overcoming False Beliefs

23:25 - Embracing Self-Care and Setting Boundaries

31:23 - Embracing Boundaries and Overcoming Fear

40:51 - Overcoming Fear of Failure

44:42 - Embracing Authenticity and Self-Worth

56:11 - Unpacking Relationships and Finding Self-Awareness

WEBVTT

00:00:11.073 --> 00:00:14.295
we've got four of us today are you counting the puppy?

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She's chewing on your hands.

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Yes, my goodness puppies matter isn't she?

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Cute she is like okay, first of all, I need you guys to know that there's a third voice.

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There might be four souls, there's probably more than that, depending on how many pets we all have, but there are three voices.

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We are so excited to have you.

00:00:35.509 --> 00:00:45.329
We have Jennifer Sisk, certified life coach and I'm going to give it a shot and certified positive psychology coach with us today.

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This is a big one, welcome.

00:00:47.659 --> 00:00:48.143
Thank you.

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Thank you for having me.

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I'm so excited.

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We are so excited, Jennifer, so so excited.

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I'm sure it doesn't say much about me that I have like a puppy with us on the Zoom and I'm just like we're so professional.

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Every time I get my life a little bit together.

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Jennifer, I'm like you know, it'd be fun.

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Well, I mean dog.

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People already resonate with me, so I'm not out of control no no.

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It's so precious too.

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So it's my second dog.

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I have a, an 11 year old English bulldog that actually looks exactly the same.

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So and this is a bolt, this is a boxer, so my goal is to have them look like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito and twins.

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And they do, they totally do Crazy fun.

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Isn't that like sort of twisted?

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I mean, it's not the reason I got her, but like there's a part of me that's like oh my God, I can't wait till this is so awkward.

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I don't have her under control.

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No, she's not under control.

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No, dogs have us under control.

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Oh, 100%, I mean this is mayhem.

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for a reason You're officially in.

00:01:47.965 --> 00:01:48.504
Welcome.

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The back water is warm.

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I hope you're excited, oh.

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I fit right in Perfect.

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Okay, yes, I love that.

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Tell us about I know she's crazy.

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What makes you say that I love this, but also what makes you say that?

00:02:06.939 --> 00:02:08.842
Say what this, but also what makes you say that?

00:02:08.842 --> 00:02:09.965
Say what that you fit right in?

00:02:09.965 --> 00:02:13.471
Oh, because anything that's crazy, fun, authentic, real, raw off the cuff I love.

00:02:13.491 --> 00:02:15.674
Yeah, we, that's our thing nothing scripted.

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If you try to script me, I'm going to look like an idiot?

00:02:19.010 --> 00:02:20.314
no, and we are too.

00:02:20.314 --> 00:02:21.177
We have figured that out.

00:02:21.177 --> 00:02:32.122
The one time we tried to be scripted, it was our trailer, and if you could have been in that room with us, I kept messing up and I would say cuss words and I was just getting so frustrated.

00:02:32.122 --> 00:02:37.822
I was like, and rebecca actually posted the, the trailer out, yeah, the other day.

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But we just we've learned then.

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We are not to be scripted like 44 minutes of waste.

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I was like this is not, we had to decide.

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Very like 44 minutes of waste.

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I was like this is not, we had to decide.

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Very like we actually we even started off with like okay, we're going to have these topics, we're going to cover them.

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We've gone so far, Like sometimes, like let's casually, if possible, work in one of the three things, but like at best, I mean.

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Yeah, it made me feel like I just needed to quit everything when I tried to script it.

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I, I just no, no, and I felt a long time ago I wanted to be an actress.

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Yeah, I learned real quick.

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No, I can't even say a sentence, so I could do like improv, I think, because that's about the only way I could roll all.

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All right, so tell us what a life coach is.

00:03:23.990 --> 00:03:30.269
I feel like we need them, so tell us what a life coach is Life coaches do all things non-clinical.

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So if you have disorders or addictions or severe clinical like depression or anxiety, then that is for a whole, nother level of professional of course.

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So life coaches kind of fill in underneath that and they're your greatest fans, they're people you can vent, to bounce things off of, and most life coaches, if they're good ones, they're, and and you know, and I'm not discriminatory when I say this but they're older because they've experienced life.

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I've got many years under my belt doing that.

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But but we also don't have to follow the same protocol as the professionals, which is good, because I don't do well with that.

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So it lets me be myself and say what I want to say and do everything the way I want to do it, as opposed to a certain protocol that you have to do professionally.

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So life coaches have their own little niche and we're gaining ground.

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At first we were kind of laughed at at the beginning, but now we're starting to gain ground and getting more credible as time goes on.

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I wonder how, why that?

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is yeah, because they've given us a chance and also I think that we fill a gap for the professionals.

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So, like I will, I work with people here in Greenville and Greer that if they need someone, I have people to refer them out to.

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But I also say, hey, you can see me too, but when it steps over a certain line with them I need to, it's my responsibility to refer them out to someone else.

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So I think they've seen that we can work together over replacing one over the other, because that's not possible.

00:05:03.213 --> 00:05:06.904
We all have a place over replacing one over the other, because that's not possible.

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We all have a place.

00:05:07.345 --> 00:05:07.805
So what are your like?

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What are the main topics that you work with with your clients?

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Self-esteem, confidence, fears, transitions from divorce or getting back into the workforce after COVID.

00:05:24.466 --> 00:05:25.286
I work with all ages too.

00:05:25.286 --> 00:05:26.209
I work with kids.

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I used to be a teacher for years, so, um, I work.

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Yeah, my, my youngest client is nine, all the way up to 79.

00:05:31.838 --> 00:05:41.262
Wow, but self-esteem and to me, self-esteem, confidence and fear is is what everything stems from.

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If, if you start stripping away the layers, the layers, it does come down to that.

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And then why I got into coaching was because early on in life and it's not a blame situation, it's just the way it is Early on in life we learn ways to do things, we learn ways to see ourselves and it can put us on a wrong track in life that we don't even know we're on.

00:06:01.324 --> 00:06:10.235
And when I realized I was on the wrong track and I didn't realize it until 42 years old boy I jumped off that thing fast, you know, and I needed help to do it.

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So we can be on a track in life and I can explain how that happens if you ever, if you wanted to know.

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But anyway, that's what happens early on, we have a perception of who we are.

00:06:23.079 --> 00:06:31.185
And I find it interesting that you said 42, because I feel as though that's where our listeners are in age wise, and that's kind of where Becca and I are.

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I just turned 43.

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I don't tell anybody, but why is it that?

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That's like the age that you feel like almost this kind of veil of, I was going to say you get unveiled.

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I've been living this way for so long.

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What the hell's going on Like?

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Why is that.

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Well, the real truth is that you're closer to death than you are birth, oh jeez.

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She went there.

00:06:52.997 --> 00:06:53.738
She went there.

00:06:53.738 --> 00:06:57.329
We should have been a little bit more serious about doing that.

00:06:57.620 --> 00:06:58.262
Well, I mean like.

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So we like just to give you the backstory, because I never assume that anyone's a listener Like I backstory, because I never assume that anyone's a listener.

00:07:10.305 --> 00:07:11.468
So I'm 41, jenny's 43.

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I am recently divorced.

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In the last year that's something that I took probably quite some time.

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I wouldn't even put a time frame about it, but I knew for quite some time when I was doing other work on myself.

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So I got a therapist, did all these other things, and I was trying to figure out exactly what the plan was.

00:07:27.081 --> 00:07:46.115
But in this next chapter and the conversations we're having with our friends, even on girls nights or at dinner, like everyone is walking through this weird sort of like awakening, this unveiling, and it's no one knows exactly what to do with it, but we're like even some of the ways we talk to each other, you know somebody be like, oh, it could be.

00:07:46.115 --> 00:07:48.242
You know out to dinner like, oh, I'm never eating again.

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And we're like, don't say that, we're not saying that anymore.

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You know, like it's like everything becomes this awakening and we're thinking a lot about like how we say things to our kids or even our parents who sort of walk us into the path that we were on before 40.

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Into the path that we were on before 40.

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It's it is, I don't know, very introspective, but it is very self-aware, except without guidance.

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So I could see where a life coach would be really helpful.

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Absolutely.

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Right, they call it.

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What is it?

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A midlife crisis, which I don't agree with.

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I don't even like that term because it's so negative and ugly.

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You know, and and people associate it with you know, affairs and new cars and all these other things that's exactly what I said.

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It's like a band-aid yeah, it's not a crisis.

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It's not a crisis, it's an awakening.

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Like you said, rebecca, it is a it's turning the page and realizing I'm closer to death than I am birth.

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And at this age, around this age and it can start as early as 35, but it's usually 40s, 50s you get real tired of things that aren't working for you.

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You get real tired whether it's a job, a friendship, a relationship.

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It doesn't matter what it is.

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It can be your home, your neighborhood.

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You outgrow it.

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You are tired of it.

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It's taking from you more than it's giving.

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Even the friendships that are superficial.

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You're like I actually don't think I can even entertain that when, like 10 years ago, I would have been like she's funny though, and like she always brings a good dip.

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Now I'm like I don't actually want that, I don't care about that, she brings a good dip.

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I would have let other things slide, and so some people who aren't in this awakening don't understand why they can't just be like the fun friend who brings the good dip.

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Yeah, that's the good dip friend.

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Yeah and you're like but you don't fill my cup, you empty it, so you're out Sorry, and once your dip is gone, you need to go.

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You got to go isn't that weird though.

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No, we always have dip friends, we have the, we have vent friends.

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We have friends we trust by the grow.

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It's an interesting like place to be.

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I'm gonna this dog so talk to us, jennifer.

00:09:57.347 --> 00:10:01.942
So what kind of strategies do you give to kind of work through some of these things?

00:10:01.942 --> 00:10:01.982
I?

00:10:01.982 --> 00:10:03.804
I mean, obviously, self-esteem is a huge one.

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We I think specifically women we battle this day in, day out imposter syndrome I'm not good enough for a job or to start a podcast or do anything.

00:10:14.895 --> 00:10:19.750
Talk us through what that looks like I want to talk about the self-esteem thing because I want to know that everyone else has this.

00:10:21.620 --> 00:10:23.160
Yes, self-esteem and confidence.

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They come in all different severities, I guess, because I think we all as a human being are a little bit, can be a little insecure at times, or a whole lot insecure, or go in and out of life feeling certain ways you're not honoring yourself or and slash, you don't know your self-worth, you don't know and realize and understand fully how precious you are and what a gift you are, and you are drugged by the nose by other people's opinions and what they think and feel, and you may have been taught to do that and that's society and that's family and just it think and feel, and you may have been taught to do that, and that's society and that's family and it's just life.

00:11:08.700 --> 00:11:15.211
But the only way and I say not the only way the biggest way is to quit breaking promises to yourself.

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If you're going to leave somebody or break up with somebody that's not doing you right, don't keep going back.

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You chip away at yourself every time you go back to something that broke you, hurt you, was ugly to you, devastated you, was wrong for you, abused you, you chip away at yourself.

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And if you can't trust yourself or believe in yourself to do what's right for you and you keep settling.

00:11:42.205 --> 00:11:47.861
It chips away at your self-esteem every day, every single minute of the day.

00:11:48.443 --> 00:12:04.673
Well, and like you know I will say this like just from my own personal experience like you do know when those things are happening, but because we're so conditioned by it, because of the frequency, you almost have this like self-doubt.

00:12:04.673 --> 00:12:13.234
But there is also the other side, where you are aware that something is happening that shouldn't be happening, or like you do feel.

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You know, you feel different feelings, whether it's like sadness or whatever in the moment, or you like maybe even like obsess about it after, or like it kind of haunts you, but you're about it after, or like it kind of haunts you, but you do feel yourself compromising every time you let it go.

00:12:32.548 --> 00:12:33.830
I don't, I mean, that's such an.

00:12:34.630 --> 00:12:40.636
I mean, yeah, I call that the slow drip, and it can be something as severe as abuse or just a conditioning and a wiring.

00:12:40.636 --> 00:12:41.660
It's called the slow drip.

00:12:41.660 --> 00:12:48.972
So early on, when you're with somebody, whether it's a friend, a job, a spouse, a partner, whatever it is they may be great.

00:12:48.972 --> 00:12:54.340
And then something happens and you're like, well, that that that didn't feel good, but that's never happened before.

00:12:54.340 --> 00:12:59.105
So I'm going to give it a pass, it's okay, they said sorry, or they didn't, or they made up for it or whatever.

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We just kind of let it go Right.

00:13:01.847 --> 00:13:07.913
And then it may not, something else may not happen for another month, week, six months, and then it happens again.

00:13:07.913 --> 00:13:18.285
Oh well, it was six months the last time it happened, so I'm not going to overreact, it's okay, it's, it's all right, he did it, she didn't mean it, it was, they explained it away, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:13:18.947 --> 00:13:25.340
And then it happens again and then again, and what you're showing this person is that you're tolerating their behavior.

00:13:25.340 --> 00:13:29.071
So they're going to push the envelope and it becomes happening more and more and more.

00:13:29.071 --> 00:13:33.037
So what started as a slow drip, it's conditioning and wiring you to tolerate.

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You don't know this happening.

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Then you end up underwater and you're drowning by the end, and then you have no choice but to get out.

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And then, by then, you're so afraid self-esteem is so, you know, shut down, your confidence is non-existent that you feel like you can't get out.

00:13:52.812 --> 00:13:58.530
Yeah, when you, I have this question that maybe is not like the appropriate question for this moment.

00:13:58.530 --> 00:13:59.011
We'll see.

00:13:59.011 --> 00:14:00.214
We're about to do it.

00:14:00.214 --> 00:14:12.466
Sometimes I like to think that, like I don't know what she's doing, I don't necessarily think that that person that's doing it knows exactly.

00:14:12.466 --> 00:14:15.770
Is she playing cymbals?

00:14:15.770 --> 00:14:17.193
I don't know.

00:14:17.673 --> 00:14:19.767
Her bowl's empty and she wants stuff in it.

00:14:19.787 --> 00:14:21.456
I think she has the big dog's bowl.

00:14:21.456 --> 00:14:22.980
I think she's just messing around for fun.

00:14:22.980 --> 00:14:30.212
But like the person that's doing it, I don't know that they like wake up every day and do it on purpose.

00:14:30.212 --> 00:14:34.690
You know like it's hard, so sometimes I like put myself in their shoes and I'm like, but why?

00:14:34.690 --> 00:14:35.051
Like?

00:14:35.051 --> 00:14:44.912
I'm always like a why person, like what motivates people, why, and I'm like it's hard for me to believe that they would like wake up on this day and make the choice to deliberately hurt me.

00:14:44.912 --> 00:14:54.428
But, like, when you look at the pattern over the longterm, you're like, but you didn't make the choice not to so and I don't know, like what that means for them.

00:14:54.428 --> 00:15:10.851
I feel like as women and maybe this isn't true, maybe I don't know how many of your, the people that you coach, are women, but like we tend to be more exploratory about like how other people think and then how we think, and we tend to give it a little bit more leniency, or like give we almost give them the out.

00:15:15.496 --> 00:15:17.783
Yeah, we do, and I do some.

00:15:17.783 --> 00:15:24.346
Just like we were raised to believe and see the world a certain way, so is the person that we're with to believe and see the world a certain way.

00:15:24.346 --> 00:15:25.028
So is the person that we're with.

00:15:25.028 --> 00:15:33.801
So they're bringing to the table whatever experiences and whatever things they've gone through and how they were neglected or not neglected or given too much or spoiled, whatever it is.

00:15:33.801 --> 00:15:39.666
They bring, everybody brings their own experience to a relationship and they don't match up.

00:15:39.666 --> 00:15:55.344
So, and some people may be unaware of what they're doing, however, we all and you said it, we all have a choice, and if that person can visibly see that their choice is hurting you, then there's your answer.

00:15:55.865 --> 00:15:58.173
Okay, yeah, I think that's a great answer.

00:15:58.313 --> 00:16:01.323
They know, if they know they're hurting you and they continue to do it.

00:16:01.323 --> 00:16:12.048
And you can visibly see that, whether you've said it, whether it's on your face, whether there's tears, whether there's suffering, anxiety, they know and they choose to continue to do it.

00:16:12.048 --> 00:16:14.301
It's a pattern of behavior that should never be tolerated.

00:16:15.102 --> 00:16:15.342
Yeah.

00:16:15.342 --> 00:16:17.687
How do you so?

00:16:17.687 --> 00:16:20.432
Do you actually coach people out of those situations?

00:16:20.474 --> 00:16:20.653
Yes.

00:16:20.941 --> 00:16:21.748
Or do you rebuild after?

00:16:21.748 --> 00:16:22.980
Okay, so both, both.

00:16:22.980 --> 00:16:26.570
So you rebuild after the fire, but sometimes you got to pull them out of the fire too.

00:16:27.159 --> 00:16:28.485
Yes, I've done both.

00:16:28.504 --> 00:16:29.509
It's a hard conversation.

00:16:30.480 --> 00:16:36.188
It is hard, but hard conversations is what has to happen.

00:16:36.188 --> 00:16:43.945
You have to be honest and blunt and open and raw and real, because they're in a different reality.

00:16:43.945 --> 00:16:54.086
Coming to you, they know it doesn't feel right, they know something's wrong, but they don't know what steps to take to get out of it or how they got there or why they feel the way they feel.

00:16:54.126 --> 00:16:59.764
They just know it doesn't feel good and they're done Are you amazed that they get to you, because there's that part, you know where.

00:16:59.764 --> 00:17:10.409
You sometimes end up in the right person's seat and you're like I wasn't here for this, necessarily, but now I know why I needed to be here.

00:17:10.990 --> 00:17:14.586
Yeah, everything to me is a God thing.

00:17:20.031 --> 00:17:30.061
I just, you know, always blame him or thank him when you're going through something like that, that you end up in the right person's chair just by luck Cause, like I mean, I'll just share a little bit of my journey.

00:17:30.061 --> 00:17:31.967
But like, I had this amazing therapist.

00:17:31.967 --> 00:17:41.468
She was young, so she didn't have the same life experiences that I had, but she understood exactly what was happening from like the more clinical side.

00:17:41.468 --> 00:17:51.801
She was like this great leader but like our paths only crossed for eight months because then she left and moved to Chicago and wasn't licensed in the state anymore.

00:17:52.182 --> 00:18:02.241
But I have friends who have gone to therapists four, five, six and never felt like a relationship like the one that I had immediately with the person that I had.

00:18:02.241 --> 00:18:18.263
And I always feel bad because I'm like I feel like I just got lucky, but she had to have that conversation with me about something that I didn't know about myself or my surroundings and that was like I'll never forget that day because it was probably one of the hardest conversations I've ever been a part of and I barely contributed.

00:18:18.263 --> 00:18:19.909
Forget that day because it was probably one of the hardest conversations.

00:18:19.929 --> 00:18:20.991
I've ever been a part of and I barely contributed.

00:18:20.991 --> 00:18:25.605
Well, I mean, the hard ones are the ones that make you cry, cause a lot of times people say, oh my gosh, I'm going to cry.

00:18:25.605 --> 00:18:29.060
Good Cry, get it out, let's go, let's get.

00:18:29.060 --> 00:18:34.442
Just get busy, let's get deep, let's get dirty, let's start removing the layers, let's get in there.

00:18:34.442 --> 00:18:38.373
Um, that's where the healing starts, that's where the learning starts.

00:18:39.415 --> 00:18:41.000
Yeah, I mean, it just was like.

00:18:41.000 --> 00:18:46.503
I just felt so lucky, like I don't know if anyone else could have led me through that exact moment.

00:18:46.503 --> 00:18:48.074
You know what I mean, and so I'm always like gosh.

00:18:48.074 --> 00:18:55.580
I hope that if anyone ever has a moment like that, they end up in the right person's seat or chair or on Zoom or whatever it is.

00:18:56.403 --> 00:18:59.692
You will if you don't settle because what you're seeking is seeking you.

00:18:59.692 --> 00:19:03.989
So if you walk into my first therapist that I had, I left.

00:19:03.989 --> 00:19:06.442
She didn't resonate with me and she's a wonderful human being.

00:19:06.442 --> 00:19:08.126
I ended up with another one that did.

00:19:08.126 --> 00:19:08.709
So.

00:19:08.709 --> 00:19:14.108
As long as you don't settle and go, well, it might work, or it could work, or all of that.

00:19:14.108 --> 00:19:16.320
You see the red flags for you.

00:19:16.320 --> 00:19:18.826
It doesn't always mean a bad thing, it's just red flags for you.

00:19:18.826 --> 00:19:20.631
You go and you find the next thing.

00:19:20.631 --> 00:19:21.211
You go.

00:19:21.211 --> 00:19:24.268
Look, you don't stay where it doesn't feel right.

00:19:24.268 --> 00:19:27.607
Yeah, any job, therapist person.

00:19:29.661 --> 00:19:35.253
It is hard to do, though, when you're conditioned to be like well, but at least I'm starting therapy and I'm trying.

00:19:38.244 --> 00:19:42.034
Well, and you talked about how we get quote unquote conditioned.

00:19:42.034 --> 00:19:44.067
We started on that earlier.

00:19:44.067 --> 00:19:46.588
Talk us through what that is and where we get.

00:19:48.522 --> 00:19:53.929
Yeah, that's part of getting on the wrong track in life and I got on it very early, on the wrong track.

00:19:53.929 --> 00:20:00.278
I'd probably say about 11 or 12 years old, believing that I had, you know, body image issues.

00:20:00.278 --> 00:20:02.502
I had an eating disorder for 30 years.

00:20:02.502 --> 00:20:05.327
Just, I believe things that weren't true.

00:20:05.327 --> 00:20:18.992
So what happens is, as a child, you can have a thought, and it's innocent enough thought, and you can be anything like I'm fat, I'm skinny, I'm dumb, I'm not coordinated, I'm not athletic, I can't, I can't, I'm not enough, whatever it is.

00:20:19.334 --> 00:20:23.796
You have a very innocent thought because around 11, 12 is when you start to kind of compare yourself with others.

00:20:23.796 --> 00:20:27.019
That's the normal age, you know, you're looking around and you, you know you're.

00:20:27.019 --> 00:20:31.986
You might be hippier, bustier, you just you notice that we're different, we're all you know.

00:20:31.986 --> 00:20:33.327
All the girls are different, the boys are different.

00:20:33.327 --> 00:20:36.152
So you start to compare yourself to others.

00:20:36.152 --> 00:20:38.213
It's a natural human thing that we do so.

00:20:38.213 --> 00:20:42.224
Around that age you have a thought, and it was an innocent enough thought.

00:20:42.224 --> 00:20:43.848
Then what happens?

00:20:43.848 --> 00:20:50.291
So for me it was gosh, I'm kind of hippier and bigger than some of the other friends or neighbors or girls that are my age.

00:20:50.291 --> 00:20:52.284
Right, then you could have.

00:20:52.284 --> 00:20:53.386
So there's the thought.

00:20:53.386 --> 00:20:53.847
That's one.

00:20:53.847 --> 00:21:05.554
Two you get validated, and you get validated in your mind by a coach, a teacher, a parent, a neighbor, a friend, whoever somebody that you care about or respect.

00:21:05.554 --> 00:21:06.897
Validate you.

00:21:06.897 --> 00:21:07.901
And what had happened with me?

00:21:07.901 --> 00:21:08.962
It was with my grandmother.

00:21:08.962 --> 00:21:17.326
She compared me to another girl when we were wearing the same dress and how much better her figure was than mine.

00:21:17.326 --> 00:21:26.309
Well, you know it was in that particular dress, but you don't tell a 12 year old that the way she did it she had no, you know it was.

00:21:26.309 --> 00:21:28.441
You are so cute both of you.

00:21:28.441 --> 00:21:30.945
If only you had Michelle's figure.

00:21:30.945 --> 00:21:32.931
That's what she said.

00:21:32.931 --> 00:21:38.390
And I'm thinking well, I thought figure was a number, like what?

00:21:38.390 --> 00:21:39.512
Who says figure?

00:21:39.512 --> 00:21:55.469
So here's me back in the day, little me, going through trying to find the definition of figure and reading that definition, she, without realizing it, validated the thought that my body was different than the others.

00:21:55.469 --> 00:21:58.269
So now I had the thought that's innocent.

00:21:58.269 --> 00:22:00.075
My grandmother validated the others.

00:22:00.075 --> 00:22:00.681
So now I had the thought that's innocent.

00:22:00.681 --> 00:22:01.146
My grandmother validated the thought.

00:22:01.146 --> 00:22:08.143
Then you start seeking support in your environment to support the thought Right?

00:22:08.143 --> 00:22:16.303
So if you think it, then you're going to find support in your environment to support that thought, and boy I did.

00:22:16.944 --> 00:22:27.294
And then I formed a false belief about myself, which is a lie, just a nice pretty word, but it's a lie about yourself, and that put me on the wrong track.

00:22:27.294 --> 00:22:34.173
So I got on the fat track and have fought obesity and weight gain and weight loss my entire life.

00:22:34.173 --> 00:22:38.366
I finally got help at about 42 years old and I went to.

00:22:38.366 --> 00:22:41.834
I ended up with an addiction specialist.

00:22:41.834 --> 00:22:50.393
Because this was started so early in childhood, they thought, well, let's just treat it as an addiction, since the eating disorder specialist didn't resonate with me, and it worked.

00:22:50.480 --> 00:22:54.567
I went twice a week for nine months too, and I was in group therapy.

00:22:54.567 --> 00:23:03.847
So I'm with every kind of addict, any kind of everything, even people that had ankle bracelets on, and I'm like dang, I just eat too much cheese.

00:23:03.847 --> 00:23:08.731
But you know what I learned?

00:23:08.731 --> 00:23:12.654
That every single one of us were the same.

00:23:12.654 --> 00:23:16.982
We all had a crutch, it's just, mine wasn't illegal, wow Right.

00:23:16.982 --> 00:23:24.172
But it was a crutch and we're all the same and you remove all the layers and all of those people were just like me and it was a beautiful thing.

00:23:25.721 --> 00:23:44.435
No, I, I like, literally I can't tell you how many people, even just from having we had a, a person on a few weeks ago that talks about like eating and eating disorder, recovery and some of this stuff, but all of these themes are so prevalent for women in their early four.

00:23:44.435 --> 00:23:45.917
I mean it's like blowing my mind.

00:23:45.917 --> 00:24:05.372
I don't know if we all just got raised onto the same roof, but like the fact that we're all out here like trying to raise girls and kids who don't have this, but trying to manage it, but trying not to show them that we're like wading through it and it's up to our waist, our chest, and we're like, oh my gosh.

00:24:05.372 --> 00:24:21.520
But, like she said, I don't know, I would be hard pressed to find a single woman in our age group that doesn't have a form of disordered eating and a body image issue because of the way that we were all, you know, not just the grandmother.

00:24:21.520 --> 00:24:26.292
You know, like diet, culture and the weighing of the food and the way that we watched.

00:24:26.292 --> 00:24:28.750
You know, like the magazines we read.

00:24:28.809 --> 00:24:32.724
I mean, do you remember like reading like Cosmopolitan or 17?

00:24:32.724 --> 00:24:36.256
It was like you know how to lose 10 pounds in a weekend.

00:24:36.597 --> 00:24:40.077
I mean I would like find the validation everywhere that you were just talking about, like and we learned how to lose 10 pounds in a weekend.

00:24:40.077 --> 00:24:46.848
I mean, I would like you find the validation everywhere, that validation that you were just talking about like, and we learned how to keep it a secret too, because those same magazines told you how to keep it a secret.

00:24:47.661 --> 00:24:49.407
Well, we learn it through people we trust too.

00:24:49.407 --> 00:24:52.785
You can learn it through athletics, if you weigh too much, you can learn it through dancing.

00:24:52.785 --> 00:24:58.955
People don't mean to hurt us, but it just, it just happens and we learn.

00:24:58.955 --> 00:25:04.430
We learn through society and through magazines and through, now, social media, which is crushing our kids.

00:25:04.430 --> 00:25:06.922
So, um, yeah, we learn it all.

00:25:06.922 --> 00:25:11.432
We're conditioned to, um, to not feel like what we have is good enough.

00:25:12.381 --> 00:25:13.463
Yeah, no, very much.

00:25:13.463 --> 00:25:15.769
I mean I see it even when my daughters are on YouTube.

00:25:15.769 --> 00:25:26.182
But I was going to say, um, even this year with the Olympics right, you saw the gymnast.

00:25:26.182 --> 00:25:37.832
There's a lot of conversation about how 20 years ago you were done by 18 and you competed at 90 pounds and these girls are coming out at 27 and 28 and they look so muscular and so beautiful and they're so much stronger and so much more mentally.

00:25:37.832 --> 00:25:45.143
Well, you're like, I mean, I was just watching the Simone Biles thing and she was talking about Carrie Strug and that whole.

00:25:45.143 --> 00:25:51.429
How we all were like so moved by how brave she was when she basically like broke her ankle in front of us.

00:25:51.429 --> 00:25:52.962
But she was like that.

00:25:52.962 --> 00:25:56.508
You know, dominique Doss was on it too, but she was like we should have like looking back.

00:25:56.599 --> 00:26:25.492
That was very sick of all of us to participate in and I can't help but feel fairly ill about how much we made that be acceptable and how we applauded her and, like I, I felt so bad watching it and I was a kid at the time, but like we were, all that was an impression for all of us, like, especially as females, like you have to give it all, you're going to cross the finish line, a mess, and then you should be really proud of yourself.

00:26:26.680 --> 00:26:26.901
Yeah.

00:26:28.384 --> 00:26:31.952
It plays into this like martyr idea too, as like a wife and a mother.

00:26:31.952 --> 00:26:35.507
Do you see this a lot Like with people that you coach?

00:26:35.507 --> 00:26:41.462
Like I feel like once I realized that I was compromising in a lot of ways.

00:26:41.462 --> 00:26:56.353
I still have this, like I still have to give all of myself to everyone kind of mentality when I show up to things and I've only just started to embrace the idea like it's okay to prioritize myself, but then sometimes I feel really guilty about it.

00:26:57.181 --> 00:26:59.306
Yeah, that's, that's, yeah, that that's.

00:26:59.306 --> 00:27:02.053
Um, that's a form of self-care that people don't talk about.

00:27:02.053 --> 00:27:06.231
People think self-care is eating broccoli and boiled chicken and taking a run.

00:27:06.231 --> 00:27:08.708
No, self-care is honoring yourself.

00:27:08.708 --> 00:27:18.265
Self-care is saying no, I'm not going to do that, I'm not going to watch your dog for 87,000th time for you not to care, and I'm not going to make the cupcakes for class this time, some other mother can do it.

00:27:18.265 --> 00:27:28.833
And saying yes to, I'm going to go to the girls weekend and I'm going to go do things that make me feel good and whole and myself, and where I can be free and my brain can slow down.

00:27:28.833 --> 00:27:31.925
So self-care is honoring yourself.

00:27:31.925 --> 00:27:33.650
It's not putting more on you.

00:27:33.650 --> 00:27:40.511
It's honoring yourself and taking care of yourself and loving yourself and slowing down.

00:27:40.511 --> 00:27:41.192
But I do.

00:27:41.192 --> 00:27:47.484
I have a lot of women that come sit in front of me, and some men too, that just do not give themselves enough grace.

00:27:48.829 --> 00:27:51.249
Yeah, I feel like this is very much a theme in general.

00:27:51.249 --> 00:27:56.372
You know, like I feel like sometimes I'm the friend that's like just say no, just don't do it.

00:27:56.372 --> 00:28:08.005
And then I turn around and I'm like painting a trophy for the color run and doing all the things and I'm like, oh my God, but like I do try to draw the line, like I didn't join PTA this year.

00:28:08.086 --> 00:28:09.288
I don't draw the line at all.

00:28:09.288 --> 00:28:10.632
I don't draw the line.

00:28:10.632 --> 00:28:11.560
There is no.

00:28:11.560 --> 00:28:14.085
I don't even have a pen for the line.

00:28:14.325 --> 00:28:15.646
I'm going to mail you a line.

00:28:15.646 --> 00:28:17.229
I'm going to mail you a line in the mail.

00:28:17.630 --> 00:28:22.121
I need to speak up in this moment, Jennifer.

00:28:22.141 --> 00:28:44.279
I actually need you to step in Cause, like one of the people that I need this one right here that I need to get more lines is like, but I understand it too, cause it's this conditioning I hate to put you out there, jenny, but it is and I'm we're learning it together at the same point but, like, sometimes this is a good example.

00:28:44.279 --> 00:28:59.272
One time jenny said to me like I just sometimes I feel like you can just do whatever you want, and I was like I don't do whatever I want, but sometimes I'm just like no, yeah, no, I don't do that.

00:29:00.674 --> 00:29:02.136
Don't do that, Nope.

00:29:03.580 --> 00:29:05.048
So where is your line, Jenny?

00:29:05.980 --> 00:29:06.723
I don't have one.

00:29:06.723 --> 00:29:08.904
I'm not even poking Like I don't say no.

00:29:08.904 --> 00:29:17.825
And even if I did say no, people are like you're joking right, because you're so used to me saying yes, you're like a question.

00:29:19.789 --> 00:29:21.967
But really, is it a people pleaser thing?

00:29:21.967 --> 00:29:23.866
Are you people pleasing, or what is it?

00:29:24.820 --> 00:29:28.342
Um, I don't, yes, probably so, but it's also.

00:29:28.342 --> 00:29:41.462
I love to be needed in everything that I do, so it's probably it's more so that well, I mean, I guess that kind of goes hand in hand with people pleasing, but I like to be needed and loved and I love to be helpful, so that's where I get into.

00:29:42.085 --> 00:30:07.233
Oh, I'm just going to say yes repeatedly until I'm falling over, but the line for me for Jenny would be like the people that she like helps, but that don't give her that validation back, because the part that really is hurtful for her is when she doesn't like, when she gives a lot but she doesn't like receive, or when it's not acknowledged, and I think that is maybe part of where the line should be.

00:30:07.233 --> 00:30:18.648
That's just talking, shooting it out there, but, like, I think that that's the hardest part because we've talked a lot about a neogram, so that's how we've unpacked some of that and like she's a two.

00:30:19.253 --> 00:30:28.263
So, she really likes, like she, you know, wants to make people feel warm and fuzzy, but she also needs that to feel love, you know.

00:30:30.147 --> 00:30:31.590
You have to think about why you're doing it.

00:30:31.590 --> 00:30:35.453
Because you know when you do things, you need to do things because you want to do them.

00:30:35.453 --> 00:30:38.183
You need to do things because they're coming from your gut and your heart.

00:30:38.183 --> 00:30:41.172
We don't do things to get something from someone else.

00:30:41.820 --> 00:30:42.986
Sometimes I don't want to thank you.

00:30:42.986 --> 00:30:45.838
I definitely do give because I want to do it.

00:30:46.844 --> 00:30:47.266
I do give.

00:30:49.926 --> 00:30:50.890
I just love.

00:30:50.890 --> 00:31:04.336
I have a servant's heart, and I think it just hurts when you feel like people don't not necessarily hold you in that same regard, but more of that they don't think about you at all.

00:31:04.336 --> 00:31:06.804
You know what I mean people take advantage of your.

00:31:06.884 --> 00:31:11.752
Oh for sure, for sure yeah 100 yeah, those need to be dropped.

00:31:11.752 --> 00:31:16.227
It's just that simple.

00:31:16.227 --> 00:31:18.329
It's a boundary and you have to have boundaries.

00:31:18.329 --> 00:31:22.576
They're essential, so boundaries are probably the most essential thing in life.

00:31:22.576 --> 00:31:26.163
Um to navigate through it is boundaries we're literally.

00:31:26.202 --> 00:31:28.888
That's been a big word for us this year.

00:31:28.888 --> 00:31:35.291
Yeah, just in general, like we started like listening to one of the books on audible because we were like how do we do this?

00:31:36.181 --> 00:31:41.972
you know, when people see them, you know that their perception of boundaries is you're keeping me out, you're not letting me.

00:31:41.972 --> 00:31:42.773
No, no, no, no.

00:31:42.773 --> 00:31:46.250
I have boundaries to allow you to be a part of my life.

00:31:46.250 --> 00:31:51.308
It's not to keep you out of my life, it's to keep you in it.

00:31:51.308 --> 00:31:55.029
Now there's those hard boundaries, which is, you know, like a zero contact.

00:31:55.029 --> 00:32:03.648
That's different, and we have to do that with certain people too.

00:32:03.648 --> 00:32:05.967
But boundaries are to protect your peace and they're also to protect the relationship with the other person.

00:32:05.967 --> 00:32:08.833
It's not a negative thing, it's a beautiful thing, and it allows us to navigate through life without people taking advantage of us.

00:32:08.833 --> 00:32:10.213
And boy they will.

00:32:10.213 --> 00:32:11.915
The minute they feel it.

00:32:11.915 --> 00:32:15.523
They're those vampires that will do it, and I just cut them off.

00:32:15.523 --> 00:32:19.413
But I've been told that I am, you know all kinds of things, but whatever.

00:32:19.413 --> 00:32:24.972
But what I am is happy and I'm at peace, and I really don't care about their opinion.

00:32:25.740 --> 00:32:27.086
But you know what the funny part is?

00:32:27.086 --> 00:32:35.821
I feel like if you are similar to me, you condition others differently to.

00:32:35.821 --> 00:32:37.144
They expect that from you.

00:32:37.144 --> 00:32:48.030
So just recently this year, I have started saying hey, you pissed me off, you hurt my feelings, didn't love that, and they're like what do you mean?

00:32:48.030 --> 00:32:48.972
You're overreacting.

00:32:48.972 --> 00:32:55.711
I'm like no, I'm actually reacting for the first time in 43 years and telling you how I feel.

00:32:55.711 --> 00:32:59.625
It's 43 years of that that I haven't said so.

00:32:59.625 --> 00:33:05.068
I've just made you think that everything was hunky-dory when you've been me off for 43 years.

00:33:05.430 --> 00:33:16.289
That's what I like so you realize you were part of the problem because you didn't stand up from yourself, from the get-go, absolutely it's better now than never, that's true they don't like it.

00:33:16.309 --> 00:33:21.619
There it's the awakening, awakening the unveiling, go through the veil.

00:33:21.619 --> 00:33:23.965
You can't put the veil back on right.

00:33:23.965 --> 00:33:25.449
You're like, oh my god, I'm panicking.

00:33:25.449 --> 00:33:31.729
I'm like, oh my god, I'm a bitch now.

00:33:31.729 --> 00:33:32.230
What happened?

00:33:32.230 --> 00:33:42.092
I used to be so nice and I'm like it's rebecca's fault I'd be like in the tub and she's like.

00:33:42.112 --> 00:33:43.334
You will not believe what just happened.

00:33:43.334 --> 00:33:53.963
I was like this is what I would say we're not taking this and I'm like, oh lord, they never gonna talk to me again yeah, I'll say it.

00:33:54.884 --> 00:33:55.806
Oh, y'all need that.

00:33:55.806 --> 00:33:59.589
Though that dynamic of the two of you together is phenomenal, you do need that.

00:34:00.009 --> 00:34:03.973
You teach each other and like it's good for both of us.

00:34:03.973 --> 00:34:21.394
It's very yin and yang and I had to like I only have some of that and I'm definitely not the expert because I had this person, this one person that I went to every Friday for 90 minutes for eight months and it was awful and like it, but it also changed my life.

00:34:21.394 --> 00:34:24.934
I mean, I literally did not have the power that I had.

00:34:24.934 --> 00:34:28.947
I couldn't have been divorced even though I had.

00:34:28.947 --> 00:34:31.373
Literally I'm going to share something that's really crazy.

00:34:31.373 --> 00:34:44.641
Blow your mind Cause I don't think he listens to this but years ago, the year before so in 2021, I made the passcode on my phone January 1st 2022.

00:34:44.641 --> 00:34:47.027
And I told myself I was going to do it in 2022.

00:34:47.027 --> 00:34:51.722
And it still took me until September of 2023 to do it.

00:34:51.722 --> 00:34:56.353
And that's still the passcode in my phone Because I'm not mad about it.

00:34:57.119 --> 00:35:03.083
I understand that sometimes it takes us longer to get to that line and I want to keep honoring that.

00:35:03.083 --> 00:35:11.556
We can still do hard things even if we don't get to the finish line at the exact part that we said, and I still gave more chances.

00:35:11.556 --> 00:35:16.228
And then other things happened in that 2022 year and every time I have to type in my password.

00:35:16.228 --> 00:35:19.481
It has to be like January 1st 2022.

00:35:19.481 --> 00:35:22.244
And I'm just like all right.

00:35:22.244 --> 00:35:31.233
And so then I got this therapist and I was like maybe it's me, you know, like how do I grow, how do I heal, because I'm a girl and I'm sure it's my fault.

00:35:31.233 --> 00:35:39.971
And then she just kept walking me through these walls and I was like okay, but I mean, still to this day, that's like the passcode in my phone.

00:35:40.340 --> 00:35:50.284
And I eventually because now I've just told you know 2,500 people- Well, that's your well, now you're going to change it, but it's your strength code, that's your strength code.

00:35:50.284 --> 00:35:54.929
I love that, it's your strength code and it will forever stay stuck in there.

00:35:54.929 --> 00:36:07.644
So, yeah, go ahead and change it, because it's not leaving now, but that was your goal and we can overshoot or we can under, and it doesn't matter, as long as you have that goal and you did hit it, and that's all that matters.

00:36:07.644 --> 00:36:09.931
The timing is not always up to you, that.

00:36:10.030 --> 00:36:14.541
There's other people and if you have faith, then you understand there's God in the universe and all these things.

00:36:14.541 --> 00:36:17.266
So every single thing is not up to you.

00:36:17.266 --> 00:36:21.773
There are other things that are going on and there's other hands in your life.

00:36:21.773 --> 00:36:33.472
So you can only do and make the goal yourself have what you desire, write it out, know what you want and deserve, and then there's the other half of the universe and God that has their hand in it too.

00:36:33.472 --> 00:36:43.728
So when you can understand that every single decision is not up to you, it takes some of the pressure off because, boy, I don't want to think everything happens because I made the decision.

00:36:43.728 --> 00:36:45.512
Jesus, that's a lot.

00:36:45.512 --> 00:36:47.452
I don't want that responsibility.

00:36:47.695 --> 00:36:48.239
Amen to that.

00:36:48.239 --> 00:36:51.851
It wasn't the decision to get divorced.

00:36:51.851 --> 00:36:54.519
I said I was going to make up my mind about this thing.

00:36:54.519 --> 00:36:57.730
That had been on my mind by this time.

00:36:58.251 --> 00:37:22.213
And then I still hadn't, you know, but like I'm a believer too where I was just like I needed other people to walk in the door you know I needed the Izzy to walk in and be like so I know something about you that you don't know or like I needed other friends, you know, like I had this really deep friendship that I had disconnected to for some time because I actually really needed the space to grow and think about just this one thing.

00:37:22.213 --> 00:37:26.264
And now we've reconnected and we're very close again and I'm really thankful for that.

00:37:26.264 --> 00:37:33.996
And then I had to like, almost like it was the weirdest thing, I don't recommend it, but I do recommend it, but when?

00:37:34.036 --> 00:37:44.072
you make a decision which is what you did when you made a decision no matter what the decision was, doors and people and circumstances show up that you never knew were there.

00:37:44.072 --> 00:37:54.672
But you have to make the decision to leave the job, to leave the person, to leave the friendship, to leave the husband, to leave whatever, to get out of this, even a family member.

00:37:54.672 --> 00:38:06.556
When you make the decision and you mean it and your intentions are pure and you know it's what's best, then things, people, circumstances, experiences, doors show up, open up that you never knew were there.

00:38:07.521 --> 00:38:11.742
Let's go back to fear, because we talked about that briefly and I feel like fear.

00:38:11.742 --> 00:38:18.432
Can you know kind of prohibit some of those other things and moving forward with, let's talk about fear.

00:38:18.713 --> 00:38:23.369
Let's talk about fear, Fear is a big fat liar pants for one.

00:38:23.369 --> 00:38:27.742
Fear will make you accept things you don't want and reject things that you do.

00:38:27.742 --> 00:38:35.445
That's what it does, and one of the things that I talk about with fear is have you ever heard the five second rule with fear?

00:38:35.445 --> 00:38:37.420
Not so much food, we've heard that one for kids.

00:38:37.420 --> 00:38:37.621
You know.

00:38:37.621 --> 00:38:42.114
You drop something on the floor, pick it out real quick.

00:38:42.114 --> 00:38:43.378
It's okay, it's not, you know.

00:38:43.378 --> 00:38:49.248
So there's also a five second rule with fear.

00:38:49.248 --> 00:38:50.730
And when?

00:38:50.730 --> 00:38:58.273
Because our brains will give us every reason why we can't do something, and most of the time it's irrational, right?

00:38:58.635 --> 00:39:04.170
So, like when I was asked to speak at an admin's wellness day or something, it was a huge thing.

00:39:04.170 --> 00:39:07.463
400 people were going, I was, and I never had been in front of anybody yet.

00:39:07.463 --> 00:39:12.753
This was 2018, I think, or 2019, 2018.

00:39:12.753 --> 00:39:21.052
Anyway, when she's she was, I showed up to put the interview to see you know if I would be a fit, and she said well, there's, there's going to be.

00:39:21.052 --> 00:39:27.710
Um, it's got 30 minutes and this is what they would pay you and blah, blah, blah and I said oh, yeah, oh, absolutely.

00:39:27.710 --> 00:39:28.932
She says, no, wait a minute.

00:39:28.932 --> 00:39:32.369
I haven't even told you what the audience is or what it's going to be.

00:39:32.369 --> 00:39:35.105
Or she said and, and I was like nope, yep, I got him.

00:39:35.105 --> 00:39:36.949
Yes, I want it, I want to do it, I'm in.

00:39:37.108 --> 00:39:47.818
And I'm almost panicky to say yes, because if I didn't, my brain would have said well, you're just certified just now, you just got certified last year, and who are you to think that you can do this?

00:39:47.818 --> 00:39:49.961
You never even spoke more than one person.

00:39:49.961 --> 00:39:50.882
Who do you think you are?

00:39:50.882 --> 00:39:53.567
And you're this and you're that, or you're 10 pounds overweight, or whatever it is.

00:39:53.567 --> 00:39:57.331
My brain would try to tell me all the reasons why I couldn't.

00:39:57.331 --> 00:40:02.302
So I panically panic that's a word said yeah, I just made it up.

00:40:02.302 --> 00:40:03.927
Yes, I said yes, well.

00:40:03.927 --> 00:40:08.764
Then she said, well, it's going to be foreigner people, and I peed in my pants just a little bit.

00:40:08.764 --> 00:40:09.467
I can't.

00:40:09.467 --> 00:40:15.945
I mean I did, but I said oh no, you're not doing enough, that's exactly right.

00:40:15.965 --> 00:40:17.909
I mean I was like, oh, oh, peed enough, that's exactly right.

00:40:17.909 --> 00:40:19.731
I mean it was like oh, oh and so.

00:40:19.731 --> 00:40:27.284
But then I was so excited so I said, yes, I can do this, I can do this.

00:40:27.284 --> 00:40:29.956
And I went up there and I did it with my knees shaking and I got a standing ovation with 400 women.

00:40:29.956 --> 00:40:31.681
So it was, and I, you know, I it's it was amazing.

00:40:31.681 --> 00:40:36.989
But your brain and I don't know this, you know, maybe a psychologist would know this it is.

00:40:36.989 --> 00:40:42.878
It will tell you it's trying to protect you, I think, but it will tell you every reason why you can't do something.

00:40:42.878 --> 00:40:49.240
And if you go longer than just a couple seconds, you'll start getting scared to do it and you'll pull out, you'll back out.

00:40:49.621 --> 00:40:50.923
It's so true.

00:40:50.923 --> 00:40:54.552
I literally am working on a proposal for a potential client today.

00:40:54.552 --> 00:40:59.610
I'm sitting here typing it and I'm like, oh my God, can we even do this?

00:40:59.610 --> 00:41:05.786
And I'm scrolling and I'm like, the more I sit there and stare at it, I'm like, what the that you can?

00:41:05.786 --> 00:41:07.043
What is wrong with you?

00:41:07.043 --> 00:41:10.146
Like you are Well, it's fair failure.

00:41:10.507 --> 00:41:13.088
Yeah, it's a big fair failure.

00:41:13.088 --> 00:41:21.780
And what you don't realize is that failure even if you were to fail, which likely you're not it reveals triggers.

00:41:21.780 --> 00:41:23.547
It shows you what you need to work on.

00:41:23.547 --> 00:41:26.846
Um, you grow, so it's not a bad thing.

00:41:26.846 --> 00:41:28.666
And if you make a mistake, who cares?

00:41:28.666 --> 00:41:32.110
I don't know if we can say bad words, so I'm trying to.

00:41:32.880 --> 00:41:33.945
We're marked explicit.

00:41:33.945 --> 00:41:35.188
You can say all the words, okay.

00:41:40.800 --> 00:41:42.985
Because you know when you um, we know ourselves and we can it's a slippery slope.

00:41:43.045 --> 00:41:44.789
We are marked as explicit for sure.

00:41:44.789 --> 00:41:47.255
It's free reign, good company.

00:41:47.978 --> 00:41:55.541
Well, I now I've lost my train of thought, cause I like got nervous that I couldn't say a bad word, but anyway, um, because they're, they're just sentence enhancers, I'm not offensive.

00:41:55.541 --> 00:41:58.282
Because they're just sentence enhancers, I'm not offensive.

00:41:59.384 --> 00:42:00.385
No same, we know.

00:42:00.385 --> 00:42:12.893
So we were talking about fear and how you said likely, you're afraid that you're going to fail, which it's very unlikely that you would, which resonated for me.

00:42:12.893 --> 00:42:13.773
I was like we out.

00:42:14.213 --> 00:42:15.215
I got it, yeah.

00:42:15.215 --> 00:42:29.269
So if you're going to make a mistake, make one, because it's the only way you, if you make a mistake, don't be afraid of making one, because you can say sorry, you can own it, you can learn from it, you can fix it.

00:42:29.269 --> 00:42:31.213
But don't have any regrets.

00:42:31.213 --> 00:42:36.532
Just do any of those four or five things and move the hell on, because it doesn't matter.

00:42:36.532 --> 00:42:41.001
It has been done, it is in your past already and regrets are pointless.

00:42:41.001 --> 00:42:42.786
They're completely pointless.

00:42:42.786 --> 00:42:44.590
Don't ever have regrets about anything.

00:42:44.590 --> 00:42:46.943
It is pointless and all it does is keep you stuck.

00:42:46.943 --> 00:42:50.391
So mistakes have to happen to grow and to learn.

00:42:50.391 --> 00:42:57.648
And also, you've got to be nervous and you've got to tap into that part that's not comfortable in order to expand.

00:42:57.648 --> 00:43:00.541
There's no way you can't stay comfortable and stay on the sidewalk.

00:43:00.862 --> 00:43:05.193
It's so boring Agreed, agreed wholeheartedly, absolutely.

00:43:05.900 --> 00:43:16.090
But we, so many of us too are like you know, not to be unfair to other people, but like we are surrounded with a lot of people who are very comfortable being comfortable.

00:43:16.090 --> 00:43:19.186
So it does make you, it sort of exacerbates you.

00:43:19.186 --> 00:43:21.846
You feel this it's probably just yourself, right?

00:43:21.846 --> 00:43:28.813
You feel like you're under this lens sometimes of really putting yourself out there, even with the podcast you know like we'll have.

00:43:28.813 --> 00:43:31.864
We're in a community, we talk about our community.

00:43:31.864 --> 00:43:35.391
People can come up to us and be like so do you really?

00:43:35.391 --> 00:43:39.730
Like you know I we've started sharing more and more as we've gotten deeper down this.

00:43:39.730 --> 00:43:49.052
You know there was a moment in the first episode where Jenny was talking about how she went to a meeting and after the meeting she got geo-targeted for this.

00:43:49.052 --> 00:43:50.423
She called it ball soap.

00:43:50.423 --> 00:43:52.590
That's what it is, it's ball soap.

00:43:52.590 --> 00:43:54.817
It's not ball soap, it's crotch soap.

00:43:55.097 --> 00:43:55.719
It's not ball soap.

00:43:55.719 --> 00:43:56.561
I use it and I don't want it soap.

00:43:56.561 --> 00:43:56.981
It's not ball soap.

00:43:56.981 --> 00:43:58.545
It's 100% crotch soap.

00:43:58.545 --> 00:44:02.590
It is not ball soap.

00:44:02.590 --> 00:44:04.715
They sell it at Costco.

00:44:06.320 --> 00:44:09.911
So she's like it's ball soap and I was like, wait, I get the monthly membership.

00:44:09.911 --> 00:44:17.905
She's like you don't have balls and I was like, well, surely if it can clean up a set it could do wonders for me.

00:44:17.905 --> 00:44:18.887
I love it.

00:44:18.887 --> 00:44:20.132
It's amazing.

00:44:20.132 --> 00:44:25.911
Then we're out in the community and we're at Costco and people are like there's your ball soap, oh yeah.

00:44:25.911 --> 00:44:35.666
And I'm like surely our other friends are not under the same lens, right Of like did you see?

00:44:35.706 --> 00:44:36.949
they have the ball soap.

00:44:36.949 --> 00:44:38.947
It's your favorite.

00:44:38.947 --> 00:44:44.405
My dad told me I needed to tone it down.

00:44:44.905 --> 00:44:45.467
Those are his exact words.

00:44:45.467 --> 00:44:47.992
Yeah, you need to keep it where it is, or even go more.

00:44:49.043 --> 00:45:01.275
Oh he doesn't even know that absolutely happened to jenny that absolutely happened recently and I'll you like that was a moment she texted me.

00:45:01.275 --> 00:45:04.628
She's like my dad sent it tone it down.

00:45:04.628 --> 00:45:06.498
I was like not a chance in hell.

00:45:06.840 --> 00:45:09.670
See, he's been in condition for 43 years.

00:45:09.670 --> 00:45:14.072
He was like you're such a good little girl who's polite and graceful.

00:45:14.072 --> 00:45:16.306
No, I am fucking not.

00:45:16.306 --> 00:45:17.525
I am a train wreck.

00:45:18.902 --> 00:45:21.690
Favorite word, favorite word yeah, yeah.

00:45:22.201 --> 00:45:26.211
When somebody tells you to tone it down, which I've been told to do that by a friend or two.

00:45:26.211 --> 00:45:27.865
They're no longer my life.

00:45:27.865 --> 00:45:29.184
I'm not going to tone it down.

00:45:29.184 --> 00:45:30.606
I'm not going to not be who I am.

00:45:30.606 --> 00:45:34.251
I'm not going to get quiet to make your ass comfortable.

00:45:34.251 --> 00:45:35.786
I'm not doing it.

00:45:35.786 --> 00:45:37.882
If you're not comfortable, move on.

00:45:37.882 --> 00:45:39.585
But I am who I am.

00:45:39.585 --> 00:45:45.411
And if you're uncomfortable, that's your issue, your triggers, your problem, you know your circus, your monkey, I don't care.

00:45:45.411 --> 00:45:48.936
Just you know I'm not getting quiet so that you feel better.

00:45:48.936 --> 00:45:51.480
I'm not doing it and you're not doing anything anyway.

00:45:51.480 --> 00:45:54.387
You're not hurting anybody, not being the uncomfortable one.

00:45:54.706 --> 00:46:07.277
Like it's the uncomfortableness has been passed to someone else, like it's our time to be okay, being comfortable, because it gives this idea or this notion that we're saying outrageous things just to say them.

00:46:07.277 --> 00:46:16.831
And I have this funny feeling because some we use, you know, keywords in the titles and like there was a moment right before that where I had like literally talked about camel toe.

00:46:16.831 --> 00:46:19.425
It was not planned, it was my leggings.

00:46:19.425 --> 00:46:25.465
Jenny called me out on loving high-waisted things and then I ended up in Publix and she was like there's no way you're not walking around without a camel toe.

00:46:25.465 --> 00:46:26.509
And sure enough I had it.

00:46:26.509 --> 00:46:31.385
But I was holding a basket and I was like text her and I was voice text her.

00:46:31.385 --> 00:46:34.989
I was like dude, I actually do have it and I don't know what to do because I can't put my basket down.

00:46:36.990 --> 00:46:45.831
And so we're all like laughing about it on the air and then we talk about my fear of farting in yoga, because I feel like like I am not the only person who feels like this.

00:46:46.681 --> 00:46:49.465
No, I farted in PE and it was devastating.

00:46:49.465 --> 00:47:00.909
So I, I mean I was, I was, and then I, I, um, I also farted in one of my first jobs when they were cleaning with vacuums and the vacuums were going and they turned off right as I was farting.

00:47:00.909 --> 00:47:04.235
So you know this, this happens.

00:47:04.235 --> 00:47:10.641
And on my first date I farted when I dropped something underneath the deck and I went to go crawl under it and I mean I just fart.

00:47:10.641 --> 00:47:13.125
You know, it's just.

00:47:13.125 --> 00:47:17.731
If you just laugh at yourself, which I did with all of them, you'll get through it.

00:47:18.012 --> 00:47:18.253
I mean.

00:47:18.253 --> 00:47:27.623
So we're sharing, we're not being outrageous to be outrageous because, like the podcast is called Mayhem, because it's real, it's true, you've got farts.

00:47:27.623 --> 00:47:28.768
It's true.

00:47:28.768 --> 00:47:35.764
Our guest today, the day that we're filming this, we have a podcast that airs with this woman called Sarah Wiles.

00:47:35.764 --> 00:47:37.210
She's amazing.

00:47:37.210 --> 00:47:42.360
She her very first job.

00:47:42.360 --> 00:47:43.583
She wanted to be a yoga instructor.

00:47:43.583 --> 00:47:44.284
So bad, like, so bad.

00:47:44.284 --> 00:48:01.003
She takes this whole course and on one of the Saturdays, her instructor she has her in a mermaid pose, asks everyone to get up, stand around her and she demonstrates on Sarah how to deepen the pose for one of the people in your class, like how to be a real instructor.

00:48:01.003 --> 00:48:07.824
Pushes down on Sarah's back and Sarah queefs in front of 30 people, the whole.

00:48:07.864 --> 00:48:08.085
thing.

00:48:08.900 --> 00:48:11.911
And watching, and she calls it queef gate.

00:48:12.019 --> 00:48:12.985
It's so funny.

00:48:14.400 --> 00:48:20.083
And she now has this extremely successful coaching business, but she was like dude.

00:48:20.083 --> 00:48:25.887
My biggest fear at that moment was like that people actually thought it was a fart and I was like what's worse?

00:48:26.480 --> 00:48:27.987
I don't know what's worse?

00:48:27.987 --> 00:48:30.003
Yeah, it's just air.

00:48:30.003 --> 00:48:30.706
Just own it.

00:48:30.726 --> 00:48:38.474
We were crying but I was like we are not purposely, you know, for you know the parents and the whoever we're not purposely being outrageous.

00:48:38.474 --> 00:48:42.144
You know the parents and the whoever purposely being outrageous.

00:48:42.144 --> 00:48:52.132
But if more women talk about this stuff and we kick open the door and we Shania Twain ourselves into there like we're allowed to wear pink to interviews, everything doesn't have to be like the pants suit.

00:48:52.132 --> 00:48:58.750
It doesn't have to be the way that the men showed up and did it forever and it's still okay, like you want to be in our feminine energy.

00:48:59.193 --> 00:49:08.552
This is kind of what it looks like, yeah, like, I mean I'm still a lady in some regards, not a whole lot, but no, but like you are, it's just not in the definition.

00:49:08.572 --> 00:49:09.878
That makes everyone.

00:49:09.898 --> 00:49:12.701
I'm not Donna Reed circa 1950.

00:49:13.041 --> 00:49:18.184
Yes, you don't have to sit in a corner and be seen and not heard Like right.

00:49:18.184 --> 00:49:29.088
You want our feminine energy, if you want our fun, if you want to know what happens at girls' nights, if we're going to grow, we've got to dump out a handbag on the kitchen table and start sorting through.

00:49:29.088 --> 00:49:31.269
We can't keep everything hidden in all the pockets.

00:49:31.710 --> 00:49:34.311
It wasn't working, but I think that goes back to the fear.

00:49:34.311 --> 00:49:40.014
I think everybody is just scared of what everybody else thinks and scared of saying the wrong thing.

00:49:40.014 --> 00:49:49.998
I mean just in what you, jennifer you've got a quote somewhere I saw on like one of your socials that like people see you through their lens so you might as well be yourself.

00:49:50.018 --> 00:49:55.463
Right, you know everybody sees you and I see people.

00:49:55.463 --> 00:49:59.512
We all see through our own lens and our lens is based on our experiences in life and what we feel and what we think.

00:49:59.512 --> 00:50:14.275
So it's just like we can say one thing and that person that you're saying it to and you have the purest intention and that person you say it to, their perception of what you just said is complete opposite of how you meant it.

00:50:14.275 --> 00:50:23.664
You've got a communication issue, you've got a problem, so I can try to fix that, but for the most part I just get away from those people.

00:50:23.664 --> 00:50:32.208
But you can try, because you're not in alignment, right, let those people find people that you know their alignment with.

00:50:32.208 --> 00:50:47.867
And I'm not like running from people, but you know I don't want to sound like that, but I'm just old enough now where I'm just gonna get around people that I align with for the most part because I don't want to sound like that, but I'm just old enough now where I'm just going to get around people that I align with for the most part because I don't have the energy or the time to try to explain myself to you one more time.

00:50:48.349 --> 00:50:50.873
I'm not doing it, it's exhausting and that.

00:50:50.873 --> 00:50:53.923
Just just move on, and I don't have a problem with moving on.

00:50:53.923 --> 00:50:57.728
You know, I've even been accused of having a cold, this or a that.

00:50:57.728 --> 00:51:00.793
No, I don't, I just know my worth.

00:51:00.793 --> 00:51:01.976
I know who I am.

00:51:01.976 --> 00:51:07.690
I've worked really hard to be who I am and if you don't align or if things don't feel right, I am moving on.

00:51:07.690 --> 00:51:13.427
It's that simple but yet that difficult, right, because I've had the crap I've been through.

00:51:13.427 --> 00:51:14.666
I've been through a lot myself.

00:51:22.340 --> 00:51:22.780
I was going to say.

00:51:22.780 --> 00:51:25.666
That means that because for me, like hearing that like we've all begged someone, or multiple someones, to understand us.

00:51:25.666 --> 00:51:39.007
We've all put in so much work and been so articulate and, like you know, you think back to those situations and you're like there was never a time where that person was really listening to my needs and I never want to be in that position again.

00:51:39.007 --> 00:51:44.036
You know, I don't want to beg someone to love me, I don't want to beg someone to see my needs and I never want to be in that position again.

00:51:44.036 --> 00:51:55.519
You know, I don't want to beg someone to love me, I don't want to beg someone to see my value, I don't want to beg someone to understand me and I certainly don't want to set that frame for what my kids think right, because that's another lens that I like to use, like what they have to do.

00:51:55.519 --> 00:52:04.532
So I'm very self-aware of, like when I put myself in those positions and I'm like, if my daughter did this and I watch her do this, would I be okay with that?

00:52:05.235 --> 00:52:10.800
And I'm like, all right, then I got to think about it and this might be right in line with what you're saying.

00:52:10.800 --> 00:52:25.063
When I have women that come, and men too, they'll come, sit in front of me and they'll tell me what's going on in their life and they'll tell me what he, she, who, what, where's happening to them, Right, and that they've tolerated it for this long and A, B, C and D.

00:52:25.063 --> 00:52:43.454
And I look right at them and I say, well, you know, and if they have a child or, you know, even a dog because people don't have kids whatever your mother, whatever, if, if what's happening to you were to happen to your child or your mother or your dog, would it be okay?

00:52:43.454 --> 00:52:44.860
Yeah, Would you put up with it?

00:52:44.860 --> 00:52:47.101
Would you nod your head and let it keep going?

00:52:47.101 --> 00:52:54.710
When you put it in a different perspective, when you put it on somebody you care about, it changes everything and it really helps them to see.

00:52:55.190 --> 00:53:04.684
So if a woman's being verbally abused or emotionally abused the ones you don't, you know there's no scars on the outside.

00:53:04.684 --> 00:53:06.751
You know, and that's what I deal with a lot with people with narcissism and things like that.

00:53:06.751 --> 00:53:10.163
So I said, you know, if if he did that to your girl, that'd be okay.

00:53:10.163 --> 00:53:16.806
And also when you put up with things, you're teaching your children what to tolerate.

00:53:16.806 --> 00:53:28.592
If you put up with something and you're unhappy, or they see it, they see the any kind of abuse, emotional, verbal, physical, of any kind.

00:53:28.592 --> 00:53:47.887
You are showing your kids what love is and because I'm going to love them right, You're showing your kids what to tolerate and you're perpetuating the problem and they're going to carry it on with whoever they meet and they're going to tolerate less and they're going to settle.

00:53:47.887 --> 00:53:53.010
Yeah, that's hard to hear, but, come on, know your worth.

00:53:53.860 --> 00:54:04.331
No, that's 100% the lens that I use now and this is a conversation for Jenny and I, because we both have daughters Like we will use that lens when we're having conversations about this.

00:54:04.331 --> 00:54:19.088
We're like, but if that were to happen to one of our people and we had to sit there and watch, like you know, because we're not, sometimes we're still not sure like where to step in or where we want to draw the line, or what the boundary is, or like sometimes we just talk about things that make us uncomfortable.

00:54:19.088 --> 00:54:25.014
It's not always going back and even like saying something, but like that's the lens that is absolutely my lens right now.

00:54:25.014 --> 00:54:27.784
Like how do I want my daughters to receive love?

00:54:27.784 --> 00:54:32.400
How do I want them, what do I want them to think love looks like and that could be.

00:54:33.182 --> 00:54:41.282
I'm a big fan of like platonic love as a conversation, and then like love, love, cause I have these deep friendships that I'm really proud of.

00:54:41.282 --> 00:54:43.809
I'm like a girl's girl through and through.

00:54:43.809 --> 00:55:01.394
So platonic love plays a big role in my life right now, especially as like a single person raising two girls, being very happy, much happier than I was two years ago, more filled, even on my alone time, which I had to learn how to do, because for a while I stayed really busy.

00:55:01.394 --> 00:55:09.043
But, like you know, like this idea of like how everyone treats you is sort of it's still a source of love.

00:55:09.043 --> 00:55:18.882
It doesn't have to just be your primary romantic relationship, like if people aren't doing things out of love or if you're not receiving them out of love, like you kind of have to question that.

00:55:20.364 --> 00:55:21.007
Well it's.

00:55:21.007 --> 00:55:36.400
And also along the other line is you know how you're taught, you know, you know things aren't right and you'll get the well, that's your only father, or that's your only sibling, or that's your only mother, so and they love you, they love you, they love you.

00:55:36.400 --> 00:55:42.786
So you're teaching them, or people are teaching them, that that's what love looks like.

00:55:42.786 --> 00:55:49.561
And that is not what love looks like when they say that, when they know they're not doing their child right or whoever it is.

00:55:49.561 --> 00:55:53.947
When they say but that's your only and he loves you or she loves you.

00:55:53.947 --> 00:55:55.469
You're teaching them what love is.

00:55:55.469 --> 00:55:59.981
And it's distorted and it's dysfunctional and they're going to look for that.

00:55:59.981 --> 00:56:09.927
And if they're conditioned to believe that that's okay, then they're going to look for that in relationships and, honestly, a normal relationship is going to feel too vanilla and weird and boring.

00:56:11.036 --> 00:56:16.701
So and this is probably an overshare, sorry, nate, my dear husband I was like that.

00:56:16.701 --> 00:56:24.306
So my mom is on her third marriage, my father is on his third marriage, so I witnessed a lot of that growing up, not knowing really what love was.

00:56:24.306 --> 00:56:29.563
So when I met Nate, I dated oh God, horrible, terrible, no good, very bad people.

00:56:29.563 --> 00:56:42.735
And then I met Nate and I was like why is this so like easy?

00:56:42.735 --> 00:56:43.898
So I found myself like creating like issues.

00:56:43.898 --> 00:56:44.619
I was used to the drama of it all.

00:56:44.619 --> 00:56:44.880
We had to.

00:56:44.880 --> 00:56:59.481
We started going to counseling when we were dating because I was like I want to marry you because I love you, but like clearly there's some shit I got to work out here because I'm so used to the the chaos of what relationships are.

00:56:59.481 --> 00:57:06.887
But we did it for about two years and we obviously continued on as we've got, as we've been married, but that was a real thing.

00:57:06.887 --> 00:57:11.987
Like I was so used to the turmoil of what a relationship is supposed to be.

00:57:12.246 --> 00:57:14.621
It was Well, the brain only knows what it knows.

00:57:14.621 --> 00:57:20.518
So when people you know they're people outside are quick to judge people that don't leave relationships, they're quick to judge.

00:57:20.518 --> 00:57:23.943
When it's so obvious to them, you know why you say just leave, just do this, just do that.

00:57:23.943 --> 00:57:33.324
Your brain, it only knows what it knows, so it's going to try to make you comfortable and create the environment that it wants or that it's had.

00:57:33.324 --> 00:57:35.494
So that's what happened to you you left whatever.

00:57:35.494 --> 00:57:40.266
You get into another one that's normal or more functional and you are.

00:57:40.266 --> 00:57:41.956
It's boring, it doesn't feel right.

00:57:41.956 --> 00:57:48.739
Your, your nervous system has not caught up to the functional way to do things and so you're going to create that, not even knowing.

00:57:48.739 --> 00:57:49.521
That's what you're doing.

00:57:49.521 --> 00:57:52.789
I'm glad you realized it and I'm glad you got help and I'm glad you have a patient husband.

00:57:59.079 --> 00:57:59.860
He's also our IT guy.

00:57:59.860 --> 00:58:01.643
Yeah, he's also our IT guy.

00:58:02.085 --> 00:58:06.445
We're literally, we just give him like boxes of cords and we're like so this is what we need.

00:58:06.445 --> 00:58:07.972
Help us Nate.

00:58:10.019 --> 00:58:11.284
Oh, wow, yeah.

00:58:11.344 --> 00:58:11.806
He's wonderful.

00:58:13.376 --> 00:58:13.737
You are.

00:58:13.737 --> 00:58:18.340
So how fun are you, like I want to do therapy with you, like starting next week?

00:58:19.885 --> 00:58:23.501
I'm open, you call me anytime, and it is fun.

00:58:23.501 --> 00:58:28.523
I mean, there's a serious component to it because you have to get down and start digging and getting those layers.

00:58:28.523 --> 00:58:37.862
But I can tell you every single person that's walked in to sit down with me has left feeling better than when they came in.

00:58:37.862 --> 00:58:48.119
If it's a lot of stuff that has to be unloaded, I literally get this virtual trash bag and I put it up under them and I'm like throw it up in there, get it out, because I know what the hell to do with it.

00:58:48.119 --> 00:58:50.916
I'm going to take it away, let's get it out, vent it.

00:58:50.916 --> 00:58:52.420
There's no judgment zone.

00:58:52.420 --> 00:58:54.204
No, I'm not biased, whatever.

00:58:54.204 --> 00:58:56.516
Get it out, because I know what to do with it.

00:58:56.516 --> 00:58:58.541
And yeah, it's just.

00:58:58.541 --> 00:59:05.599
And then we can have fun too and we laugh and carry on and we I, I help them to make fun of themselves too, because we forget that we can do that.

00:59:05.599 --> 00:59:10.943
You know we're all flawed, funny human beings and I can be silly.

00:59:11.043 --> 00:59:11.965
The funniest things ever.

00:59:11.965 --> 00:59:13.527
It is so messed up.

00:59:13.527 --> 00:59:14.588
Back to the fire conversation.

00:59:14.588 --> 00:59:17.030
You're like what I mean?

00:59:17.030 --> 00:59:26.061
How many situations, even when you're saying goodbye to the cashier, have you said something like really awkward and you're like why did I do that?

00:59:26.081 --> 00:59:26.503
Why did I do that?

00:59:26.503 --> 00:59:28.365
I didn't like stew on it for the rest of the day.

00:59:28.365 --> 00:59:29.547
Do you do that?

00:59:34.215 --> 00:59:34.938
And then it'll come back later.

00:59:34.938 --> 00:59:36.043
I mean, it's these stupid little things that you did.

00:59:36.043 --> 00:59:37.833
They'll come back like at three o'clock on a random Tuesday in the morning.

00:59:37.833 --> 00:59:38.755
You're like why did I do that?

00:59:38.755 --> 00:59:39.597
How did I do that?

00:59:39.597 --> 00:59:41.141
Are you still thinking about it?

00:59:41.804 --> 00:59:43.507
Yeah, a hundred percent.

00:59:43.507 --> 00:59:46.342
But like, how fun is it to like throw it up?

00:59:46.342 --> 00:59:48.246
It's kind of like you know how we all have a friend.

00:59:48.246 --> 00:59:49.769
Is it to like throw it up?

00:59:49.769 --> 00:59:50.681
It's kind of like you know how we all have a friend.

00:59:50.681 --> 00:59:51.344
You're like the one we have a friend where you like.

00:59:51.344 --> 00:59:52.686
If you ate like three cookies in a row, you'd be like dude.

00:59:52.686 --> 00:59:53.686
I just did the most twisted thing.

00:59:53.686 --> 00:59:58.639
I like went through the drive-thru mcdonald's, pulled over behind, slammed three big macs and threw it away.

00:59:58.639 --> 01:00:04.318
I'm gonna go home, cook dinner and tell everyone I ate a late lunch like dude.

01:00:04.318 --> 01:00:06.201
Like there's got to be the person that you're like.

01:00:06.201 --> 01:00:17.641
And then you're like the person that you're like, and then you're like the person that we bring, like the really big stuff that we've been like dragging along with us, and we're like does anyone see this in my red fire wagon behind me?

01:00:18.181 --> 01:00:19.105
Baggage bag there.

01:00:21.934 --> 01:00:23.661
Bullshit that I've been carrying around.

01:00:23.661 --> 01:00:25.085
Could anyone see this?

01:00:25.635 --> 01:00:29.246
Yeah Right, the people need validation too.

01:00:29.246 --> 01:00:33.061
When they come to see me, they don't give themselves enough credit.

01:00:33.061 --> 01:00:35.833
They're too busy looking at what they didn't do over what they did do.

01:00:35.833 --> 01:00:38.840
They're too busy looking at what they don't have over what they do have.

01:00:38.840 --> 01:00:40.606
So validation is crucial.

01:00:40.606 --> 01:00:45.043
I sit down, I listen, I hear everything they're telling me.

01:00:45.043 --> 01:00:49.045
I stay quiet and a lot of times they're like I don't know where to start.

01:00:49.045 --> 01:00:52.159
I'm like right where you are, right where you are.

01:00:52.159 --> 01:01:02.856
And then and then the funniest part is they'll think they have this one problem, but then there's like layers underneath that problem as to why you got to that problem.

01:01:02.856 --> 01:01:11.641
So really, there's about 10 things under there that we got to attack, you know, and get through to see how you got to the big one that got you in my office, right?

01:01:12.003 --> 01:01:18.039
So, it definitely takes a big one to get all the way to the office Right.

01:01:18.039 --> 01:01:19.182
It always takes.

01:01:19.182 --> 01:01:21.788
It takes a big one to get all the way to the office.

01:01:21.788 --> 01:01:36.637
Yes, yeah so then we come to you and we're like this is my manila folder my manila folder, all of my notes.

01:01:36.657 --> 01:01:37.358
Yay, yeah, I'm going to start.

01:01:37.358 --> 01:01:38.722
Oh, you can start, and I make it really easy for you to start too.

01:01:38.742 --> 01:01:50.527
I mean, I'm very appreciative, very easy, so easy to talk to and so fun and all the things I'm so enjoying this it's brave enough to carry all of our heavy things.

01:01:50.527 --> 01:01:51.710
Yeah, yeah.

01:01:51.969 --> 01:01:54.559
Yeah, and I think a good coach too is.

01:01:54.559 --> 01:01:59.538
You know they think, oh, you have to be so empathetic and you have to be an empath and all this.

01:01:59.538 --> 01:02:01.141
No, what you?

01:02:01.141 --> 01:02:04.246
I just so sick of those words what?

01:02:04.246 --> 01:02:06.230
What I have to be is strong.

01:02:06.695 --> 01:02:08.302
I don't need to carry all of this stuff and go to bed and worry about them.

01:02:08.302 --> 01:02:08.784
I have to be is strong.

01:02:08.784 --> 01:02:10.675
I don't need to carry all of their stuff and go to bed and worry about them.

01:02:10.675 --> 01:02:24.911
I have to be strong for them and I and I have to give them answers and we have to walk through it and you've got to challenge your thoughts and your feelings and you've got to find and discover the reality versus the narrative in your mind.

01:02:24.911 --> 01:02:45.280
And all of these things is what we do together and it's and all of these things is what we do together and it's so much fun and it's so good for a person to come sit in front of any type of therapy, coaching, psychologist, anything, because you have to understand yourself and learn about yourself, and you know where you learn the most about yourself.

01:02:45.280 --> 01:02:46.885
What are you hiding?

01:02:46.885 --> 01:02:49.960
What are you hiding?

01:02:54.059 --> 01:02:54.981
That is where you start.

01:02:54.981 --> 01:02:59.309
I feel like I've got some introspection to do here, some self-reflection.

01:03:06.775 --> 01:03:07.438
But it's always happy.

01:03:07.438 --> 01:03:08.344
It's always good, it's a jovial time.

01:03:08.344 --> 01:03:08.947
We laugh, we cry Well, I don't.

01:03:08.967 --> 01:03:09.530
But they do and just don't.

01:03:09.530 --> 01:03:10.335
You can get rid of it.

01:03:10.335 --> 01:03:18.184
I mean, there's nothing better than, like you said, the validation first of all was in, like I'm sure I need more therapy.

01:03:18.184 --> 01:03:26.867
I didn't like complete therapy, right, I know that this eight months was just like, specifically aligned to that one journey it ended up being.

01:03:26.867 --> 01:03:30.621
But you know you don't win therapy.

01:03:30.621 --> 01:03:35.793
You see, all those reels that are like I love when my therapist tells me I'm the funniest client they have.

01:03:35.813 --> 01:03:39.719
You're like ah award ceremony.

01:03:40.820 --> 01:04:01.445
But, like it is like you do, there is some release, some relief of just like I mean there's things you can't tell your friends, right, there's things you can't tell your mom, there's things you can barely tell yourself and you're afraid to even like come clean with in general, and like there is just something I can't, I don't know.

01:04:01.445 --> 01:04:04.244
I feel like it is literally for everyone.

01:04:04.244 --> 01:04:10.327
I don't know what path everyone's on, but I can't recommend it enough, like in each little phase I mean.

01:04:11.954 --> 01:04:12.416
I don't know.

01:04:12.416 --> 01:04:20.485
When you say stuff out loud, I mean you, you you have things trapped in your mind and they're only bouncing around in the confines of your mind and your experiences in your life.

01:04:20.485 --> 01:04:27.878
When you say it out loud to someone else, you immediately are able to start challenging it immediately and it'll sound really dumb.

01:04:27.878 --> 01:04:31.445
Because I'll have people it's not dumb, but they to them it sounds dumb.

01:04:31.445 --> 01:04:39.574
So they'll start talking and they'll what's going on and they'll go oh my God, that sounds so stupid.

01:04:39.574 --> 01:04:40.416
I'm like no, it isn't stupid, none of this.

01:04:40.416 --> 01:04:41.056
What you're saying is stupid.

01:04:41.076 --> 01:04:44.978
But you've now challenged it and you now realize that it's not as real as you think it is or how you perceived.

01:04:44.978 --> 01:04:45.639
It is not.

01:04:45.639 --> 01:04:46.599
That's not the reality.

01:04:46.599 --> 01:04:54.365
And just because you think it doesn't make it fact, that's a big one about yourself or someone else.

01:04:54.365 --> 01:04:59.409
Just because you think it, you know, egomaniac does not mean that it's fact.

01:04:59.409 --> 01:05:03.452
Right, I thought I was fat at 12.

01:05:03.452 --> 01:05:04.233
I was not.

01:05:04.233 --> 01:05:11.516
That was not a fact.

01:05:11.516 --> 01:05:12.097
I might judge someone else.

01:05:12.097 --> 01:05:14.726
That's not a fact Just because you think it does not make it fact and you lie to yourself every day.

01:05:14.746 --> 01:05:22.184
Well, and we're very much in this reality in 2024 where, like, people say things all the time as if they are facts.

01:05:23.047 --> 01:05:23.568
Of course they do.

01:05:24.434 --> 01:05:30.579
Fine or wherever, and so like we're sort of baptized in this, like everything's a fact, everyone's opinion is the only opinion.

01:05:30.579 --> 01:05:37.061
Everything's a fact and you really have to like do the work to be able to dig through that, much less your own mind.

01:05:38.081 --> 01:05:42.197
And also where you're doing the um, I'm right syndrome.

01:05:42.197 --> 01:05:49.521
Have you dealt with those people that everything they say is they're right, I am right, you're wrong, I'm always right, I'm the right one?

01:05:49.521 --> 01:05:52.788
They are?

01:05:52.807 --> 01:05:53.610
right.

01:05:53.610 --> 01:05:53.969
I am right.

01:05:53.969 --> 01:05:54.391
You're wrong.

01:05:54.391 --> 01:05:55.313
I'm always right.

01:05:55.313 --> 01:05:55.753
I'm the right one.

01:05:55.753 --> 01:05:56.981
Yeah, oh my gosh, I want to have you back.

01:05:56.981 --> 01:05:58.375
Like I'm ready to book you again, I know you have to, I would love it.

01:05:58.835 --> 01:06:18.889
Oh my gosh, we've been talking about this, but we're trying to be really thoughtful about how we like enter the new year and even like help people set up their ideas for next year and not like a loose 20 pounds by April, cancun, 2025, you know, like just like this personal growth thing.

01:06:18.889 --> 01:06:25.637
So I think we're going to be doing like some really big, like almost like a quarter probably about like personal investment and growth.

01:06:25.637 --> 01:06:26.681
I think you need to come back.

01:06:27.242 --> 01:06:27.702
I will.

01:06:27.702 --> 01:06:36.286
I would love to, because you don't want to do those new year's resolution thingsies because they don't work.

01:06:36.286 --> 01:06:40.179
And this goes back to what you were saying, jenny, about the conditioning.

01:06:40.179 --> 01:06:49.882
You know we'll do really well at something if you're trying to change and then you bump up against this wall and or you can call it, you know, bob Proctor call it the terror barrier, but you will walk.

01:06:49.882 --> 01:06:50.898
You will be doing something.

01:06:50.898 --> 01:06:57.568
You're making a change for dieting, whatever it is, eating less or drinking less, or I'm going to not settle, whatever it is you do.

01:06:57.568 --> 01:07:01.820
You're going to make the change, I'm going to decide, and you get about two, three, four weeks.

01:07:01.820 --> 01:07:03.666
Maybe it depends on the, your DNA.

01:07:03.666 --> 01:07:05.117
You might go eight weeks.

01:07:05.117 --> 01:07:08.427
All of a sudden you're not able to do it anymore.

01:07:08.427 --> 01:07:15.768
All of a sudden you start eating again, whatever it is you you know, or drinking again or smoking again, or settling again, whatever it is you do.

01:07:16.436 --> 01:07:20.632
It's because, like you said we were talking about, the brain only knows what it knows.

01:07:20.632 --> 01:07:32.862
So it's going to push you back to the old way of living because it's what it knows and you have to recognize that and embrace it and go come on, bitch, I got this and I expected you to come.

01:07:32.862 --> 01:07:33.927
Here you come.

01:07:33.927 --> 01:07:35.255
I knew you were going to come.

01:07:35.255 --> 01:07:39.266
Jennifer said you would come and then jump over that wall.

01:07:39.266 --> 01:07:43.603
Jump over it, because those irrational voices are coming in there.

01:07:43.603 --> 01:07:45.181
It's just your brain protecting you.

01:07:45.181 --> 01:07:45.976
It's trying to go.

01:07:45.976 --> 01:07:47.139
Hey, I don't know this world.

01:07:47.139 --> 01:07:48.224
This is unknown.

01:07:48.224 --> 01:07:50.775
I know this, I know this.

01:07:50.775 --> 01:07:53.864
I know where we eat too much or we drink too much or we'd settle on men or whatever it is we do.

01:07:53.864 --> 01:07:54.686
I know that.

01:07:54.686 --> 01:07:55.695
So let's go back there.

01:07:55.695 --> 01:07:56.778
It's the brain.

01:07:56.778 --> 01:08:05.322
It's so powerful, so I would love to come back and talk about that, because you get over that barrier, that fear barrier.

01:08:05.322 --> 01:08:08.045
You have confidence and freedom on the other side of it.

01:08:09.688 --> 01:08:11.030
Oh yeah, you're coaching us through that.

01:08:12.615 --> 01:08:13.538
Okay, so back to this.

01:08:13.538 --> 01:08:18.140
So you do these in person in the upstate South Carolina and then you do them virtually.

01:08:18.735 --> 01:08:19.878
Yes, I do face-to-face.

01:08:19.878 --> 01:08:21.563
I have a coaching area in the front of my home.

01:08:21.563 --> 01:08:31.336
I do face-to-face, virtual and by phone, and I've even started doing texting when they pay that way, because some people, you know, you just do what people need, right?

01:08:31.336 --> 01:08:34.244
And if they just want to text me and go, jen, this happened, what do I do?

01:08:34.244 --> 01:08:38.056
Or I'm feeling this today, or I'm having this anxiety today, what do I do?

01:08:38.056 --> 01:08:38.940
I work that way too.

01:08:38.940 --> 01:08:41.998
So, all different ways, all right.

01:08:42.019 --> 01:08:45.106
So what is your website and where can we find you?

01:08:45.106 --> 01:08:45.996
It's.

01:08:46.015 --> 01:08:48.521
JenniferSisLifeCoachcom.

01:08:49.063 --> 01:08:50.265
OK, and we'll link that.

01:08:54.175 --> 01:08:56.179
Yeah, we're going to link all of the places that people can find you for sure.

01:08:56.179 --> 01:08:58.203
Yeah, and I'm on LinkedIn and it's just Jennifer Sis Life Coach.

01:08:58.203 --> 01:08:59.646
Everything is the same.

01:08:59.646 --> 01:09:02.119
I email JenniferSisLifeCoach at gmailcom.

01:09:02.239 --> 01:09:03.663
And YouTube as well.

01:09:03.663 --> 01:09:05.006
You have a bunch of YouTube videos.

01:09:05.006 --> 01:09:05.837
I've got some.

01:09:05.896 --> 01:09:06.358
YouTube.

01:09:06.358 --> 01:09:07.462
I need to do better with that.

01:09:07.641 --> 01:09:15.146
Like I told you, I'm not tech savvy, so I kind of suck at it and I really need to branch out and do that.

01:09:15.146 --> 01:09:16.715
I think the videos you have are lovely, so you don't suck at it.

01:09:16.715 --> 01:09:22.242
That's your brain telling you something that's not true Exactly.

01:09:22.242 --> 01:09:24.787
Thank you so much and this was so much fun.

01:09:24.787 --> 01:09:26.078
Thank you, guys.

01:09:26.078 --> 01:09:26.860
I've enjoyed it.

01:09:26.860 --> 01:09:27.984
This has been wonderful.

01:09:27.984 --> 01:09:39.270
All right, thanks, guys, and we will see you next week.